I was reading through and I was learning about all the different hormones and all the different problems. So I thought, ‘OK I’ll sit and highlight every symptom that’s in the book that I feel I have. So I sat and highlighted them all. I went through all the different conditions and highlighted them ones.

And I thought if I take this to a doctor, they can’t ignore it. It’s, you know, it’s right there. And as I was reading and I was asking other people [on an online support group] , find out what they’d been going through and stuff like that, I found that a lot of them were actually being ignored and I was thinking, ‘Well, you know, how’s that possible?’

And so when I went back to the GP just recently, I did feel very nervous in thinking, you know, he’s just going to ignore what I’m saying. I’m not going to get seen by a specialist. He’s just going to say, you know, “You’re fine.” And he took his blood test and he said, “You know, your T4’s fine, but you are a bit low on your TSH, do you want me to up your dosage?”

So I said, “I don’t want anyone to up my dosage anymore because the more they up it, the worse I feel. And I would just really prefer to have a referral.” And he said, “OK that’s fine, I’ll give you a book and choose’, a book.” And so that’s what I did, and then I was told wait until I could be seen in July.

Do you feel that you’re always taken seriously or listened to because you mentioned that, at the beginning, you went quite a few times before?

Yeah, no I don’t think I always have. I mean the first, when I was a lot younger, it was, “You’re stressed or it’s growing pains.” And as I’ve got older just before, in fact just before I was seen for the ultrasound, and I was telling them I was having abdominal pains, I was asked to take four pregnancy tests. Every time I went there, I was told to take a pregnancy test before they would continue talking to me. And it was like

Was this by the GP?

Yeah, and it was like it’s on your screen that I’d clearly had a pregnancy test twice, and it’s come back negative twice. Unless you don’t appreciate your own work, then clearly that’s not the case. And clearly you need to be talking about something else. And literally they just would not talk to me and would not absorb what I say. As soon as I said abdominal pains he said, “Well I think we should check.”

And the first time, I think if anyone, woman, said that, I completely understand. The second time, fair enough sometimes they get it wrong, fair. But after that I was just sat there like this is actually ridiculous now. Like it’s reached the point where you can see it on theit’s not like you don’t even know that it’s happened. You can see it on the screen that it’s, you know, it is what it is and actually I’d like to be spoken to like an adult going through what I’m going through.

And…but I then I kind of felt like I had to kind of do it because, you know, that’s the doctor and the doctor’s not going to continue this conversation until I’ve done what I’ve been asked to do. And I just felt that that was completely just unfair. And I felt, if actually I’d have been older, I don’t think I would have been asked to take four pregnancy tests just

So it’s the four times that you went in?

Yeah, so the four times I went in. Before I was spoken to, they would check my records, ask when I was last seen, and then ask me to take a pregnancy test.

There? They would give you a?

Yeah, so well they’d give it to me and then yeah I’d go. Well I’d still be there but I’d go and take a pregnancy test, come back in, then they do their dip and la, la. And they go, “Oh OK well you’re not” and then carry on. And I was just like, “Well I know I’m not; I could have told you that myself,” you know there’s a

They kept going back [talked together]

Yeah, I just kept going and going. And that was all they could come up with. And I mean I was going back again and again at the beginning, and it was just stress. And then when I’d been going back again and again since, it’s just, “You must be pregnant.” And it’s like, “No there are other problems.”

Yeah, how did that make you feel?

It’sI find it more patronising more than anything else because it’s just like, is that the only solution you can have for a young lady whose got anything wrong with her stomach. And surprisingly enough actually, most of the pain has moved from my stomach now, so it’s the last thing I’ll mention, so that’s not the first thing that comes out.

But it is just the most patronising thing to come out with because, to be fair there’s other questions you could ask me that would have secured you the fact that I’m not pregnant. And it’s just like that’s the first thing you come up with before I’ve even finished talking, it’s, “Oh yeah, you must take a urine sample, you must be pregnant.”

And you reach the point where I might as well turn up with my own pregnancy test and just go, “I’m not, so can I carry on talking now?” And it is, it just feels like a complete disregard to everything else you’ve said, like you’re not absorbing the fact that, yes I’ve said to you I’ve got abdominal pains, but I’m also telling you that I can’t sleep. And I’m also telling you that I feel quite depressed. And you’re not taking any of those on. You’re just taking the one that will quickly get you out of the office.” Because if I turn out to be pregnant then it’s, “Oh you’re just a silly girl who didn’t know she’d end up pregnant.” And that’s not the case for everyone. You know, you can’t take it all the same.

What would you say makes a good GP, what are the qualities of a good GP?

For me, having seen most of the GPs at my clinic now, I think that it’s the ones that will listen to what you’re saying, because I know on some occasions I feel that they will kind of jump on something you said before, you’ve kind of finished, and I find that quite difficult because you kind of forget what you were going to say. But they will listen to what you’re saying; will give you advice on what to do whilst you’re waiting [for test results or hospital appointments], because waiting is always so long whatever you’re doing. So, you know, whether it be just try and eat something or de de de. And will just, you know, will make you feel as though you’re not just another number, sitting in their chair and to get out as soon as they possibly can.

Even if they can’t do anything for you that day, or even if it is, they’re not concerned about it, to actually havetake the times you know, “This is what’s going on; you’re absolutely fine.” Or, “This is the next step.” Just because you don’t want to feel like another number because it always, whatever the result is, you do kind of feel like you’ve just been brushed out. And obviously they see, I don’t know how many hundreds they see a day, but you know that’s the kind of job you’ve taken on. So I feel it is important that you take every patient as a patient. And they’re not there because they want to be there. They’re there because they’re not well.

For young people I don’t think we need to be treated like children, but I do think it’s actually more to be aware of the lifestyle that we’re kind of in, and the things that we’re expected to do and how we’re expected to be. And actually that we are still learning ourselves about ourselves, at the same time as you’re telling us [about the condition].

So, you do have to kind of put all the pieces together. But I mean, to be fair, I could say that about any age group for different things. But especially at that time anyway, so you’ve got a lot of pressure going on as it is.

Emotionally they’re probably on a rollercoaster, and you just need someone who actually will sit there and go, “OK, you know this is what I can advise you.” Because the worst thing that I think is say something’s wrong and to be left with nothing, even if it’s the tiniest thing in the world, the tiniest possible maybe try this’, at least gives them a little bit that you’ve actually tried to give them what you can, and I think that’s really important just to make people feel a little bit like they have, you know, they’ve been acknowledged. And they’ve been understood even if you can’t find something.

I think there’s only onethere’s only one, or possibly two, receptionists that if I see at the desk in the morning I think, ‘Oh this is goingyou know thisI’m going to get quite a grilling before she even thinks about typing my date of birth in. And you know what’s going on. And it’s reached a point where I think it’s either difficult. Before I know only one there’s one appointment that I asked, and she said, “What, you know what’s wrong?” And I said, “It’s private.” And she said, “Fine.” And she got on with what she was doing.

But there’s one or two that if I think, if I said that, I would feel like there would still be another question, there would still be something else. And obviously that’s not pleasant for anyone in general. And so I find that quite difficult because it’s kind of like very snappy and kind of de de de, getting on with it de de de.

And but then on the other hand on other occasions, you know, somebody can sit in and she’s like, “OK what can I do for you today de de de?” And that just makes it just easier to kind of even just think straight off what’s going on.
Because if somebody’s snapping at you, you’re trying to get answers quickly, it constantly frazzles you and you don’t really think about what’s going on. But someone clearly looks like they’re understanding what you’re going and just, you know trying to ask you generally what’s the problem de de de. You just kind of get the process done actually quicker because you’re not then stressing and thinking. And when they’re going, “Oh, well next time he’s free is on de de de,” and you’re trying to think what am I doing that day, or what you know you haven’t got your calendar straight out or something like that.

Then you’re just constantly feeling like even at reception you’re on the clock, and you can’t even think to say, “Is that a date that I’m even free?” so you say yes to something, and then think, ‘Oh, I’m not even free that day, but now I’ve said it, and if I don’t go that day I’m not being seen so I have to go. So I do think it’s really important, as a receptionist even to take just that bit just you know, because the calmer you are, the calmer the person is to actually be able to work out what they’re trying to get across.

Have you always been to see the GP with someone, or do you sometimes go by yourself?

Every now and then I’ll go by myself. I think at, say if I went on a ratio, say if I went like twenty times, I will probably only four times go by myself. And most of the time I’ll go witheven if it’s just a friend’s support, just because sometimes it’s quite difficult especially with something so complicated, it’s quite easy to forget symptoms and forget moments. And if you’re with someone who’s with you all the time, they’ll be like, “Oh yeah, and also this is” And it kind of helps you to remember it because it’s just too much of it, and you know you’re told to write stuff down, but you just don’t because you forget even that you’ve been told to write it down, let alone remember the symptom.

So sometimes it’s helpful to have someone who’s, you know, around a lot to talk to. And then just in general just for a bit of support when you’re trying to get across what you’re doing.

Do you prefer going with a friend or with parents, do you have any preference?

It depends what it is. When I go to the GP I’m quite happy to go with a friend because it’s not that serious, and normally it’s results on a blood test, or I’m just saying what’s going on.

But it’s when I see specialists and stuff like that, that’s when I prefer to have my parents because that’s when larger terminology is being used, and this test and that test and stuff has to be arranged. And that’s the sort of stuff where I kind of feel I need my parents because that’s when it kind of seems more serious because actually your parents are worried as well, and you know you’re not just coming in because you’ve got a bit of stomach ache.

But when you’re seeing a general practitioner it’s just that, “OK what’s the problems?” And they’ll send you to work out where you need to go next. Do you need a blood test, do you need that. So, it doesn’t seem too harsh.

And she [GP] said, “And second of all, have you had an ultrasound?” And I said, “No, for what?” So my mum looked at me like, ‘I’m sorry?’ And I looked at her like, I don’t know what she’s talking about. And so I said, “For what?” And she pointed at my neck and she said, “For that.” And so I stood up and I lookedI went over to the mirror, and I found that there was a lump in my neck that was the size of about a walnut, and it was just out in my neck.

Whereabouts?

And it was just about there, so it was right near the bottom. And I thought, ‘That’s the most bizarre thing, especially for a young girl to not have noticed. Like I spend half of my time looking in the mirror without being vain, and I hadn’t noticed. It hadn’t crossed my mind, it hadn’t crossed any of my family’s mind, and my friends it was just there.

And so I kind of went, “Oh, like that’syou know.” And from obviouslymost people, as soon as you see a lump the first thing you think of is cancer, and so I was very nervous because I’d alsomy sister had previously just recovered from ovarian cancer, so it was quite alarming at the time.

My mum was obviously instantly like, “Oh well, you know is that common, what is it?” And she said, “You know, it is actually common that people have goitres and, you know, we’ll go and get her to have an ultrasound, and it’ll be fine.” And so she was just so helpful. It was just nice to have a relief like, ‘Wow, someone’s actually getting involved. As soon as I walked in she’s like, sort that out, sort that out, sorted, and out the office. So that was really good.

I remember I was sitting doing my mock exam, and I felt a pull in my leg, and I thought, ‘Oh I must have pulled something. But by the time I got home it was in my arm, and I was like, ‘Well that doesn’t make sense; you’ve obviously not pulled something. So, you know, they normallyyou don’t rush to a GP when one thing happens, so I thought, you know, ‘Maybe I’m just stressed out and whatever.

So I finished my mocks and that was a two week period, and it was still happening. So I turned up at the GP and I said, “You know it’s quite concerning because it’s jumping around everywhere.” And she’s like, “No, you’re just stressed. You’re very stressed out, and you just have to relax and, once you’ve relaxed, then it will calm down. And that was it. I was out the office.

And so I was like OK, you know, I am in exams. I did feel quite prepared so it was a bit funny, but I accepted that maybe I was just stressed, and I left it. And that was in November of 2012.

So I carried on minding what I was doing and everything was fine, and it just kept building, but every time I went back I was told, “You’re just stressed, you’re just stressed.” And I think that’s when I started to feel a bitI thoughtI started to feel that, in being a young person it was quite difficult to get across what you were feeling because it was kind of rushed like as well. If you’re in this age bracket, it must be growing pains or it must be stress, and that’s it. So…but yeah that was a bit tough I definitely could admit [laughs].