I think there definitely is a financial [laugh] aspect to it, especially when you’re going through products or you’re having to buy more expensive things. But I think that comes with anything, especially being, being a woman and having make-up all the time, that’s quite a big financial aspect as well. So I don’t see it being that much of a drain. But I’m lucky enough to be in a position for it not to be. While I was a student I wasn’t buying as many of the products because I didn’t have the money around for it, but it was – it was less, it was bothering me less if I had acne through university cos you can be more relaxed, and you’re not expected to be as, as professional all of the time. So yeah, there definitely is an impact. I found it quite difficult through uni to afford some of them, but it didn’t matter as much if I couldn’t. Whereas now, it’s nice to have them around.

I guess if I was talking to myself when I was younger, which is really the only sort of reference point I’ve got, the key advice would be to not let it define you. That it’s a part of you but it’s not the most important part. It’s not the bit that everyone sees, it’s just a small part of you. So you shouldn’t let it consume what you think you are. And that there is help out there, go and have a look, go and talk to your doctor, Google it, find other people to talk to about it. You’re not on your own with this, but that doesn’t mean you have to live with it. Which I think is the trap that I fell into, thinking ‘Oh well, it’s just something people get, and you just deal with it. No, there are loads of things out there that you can do to help. I’m still discovering some of them, so they’re definitely out there a lot, and I would urge people to find them.

It’s sometimes the GPs and the nurses that spend all their time dealing with infections and diseases, and proper – proper medical, medical things that can sometimes make you feel not listened to. Or just some offhand comment. Or even something as simple as just sighing can, can really put you off going and seeking medical help, because you don’t feel like you’re being listened to. Or that it’s not important enough. So just really taking the time to listen. Cos if someone’s – it’s probably taken them a really long time to get to the GP. So if they’ve taken the time to get there, make the appointment, then you need to take the time to understand why they’re there, and appreciate where they’re coming from with it, and that they need help.

With hormones, is there anything that you’ve tried before? For example the contraceptive pill?

Yeah, absolutely. They do, they do get a little better when I’m on the pill. And sometimes I’m just on the pill just because it does mediate my skin a bit better. Rather than I’m needing them for contraception. So I definitely do prefer to be on the pill because it, it helps my skin. Doesn’t make it go away entirely, and I still get a monthly fluctuation in my skin. But it’s less noticeable. I do try and have a, a couple of months off every, every year or so when I’m on the pill. And I can definitely notice then my skin get considerably worse. I haven’t noticed a difference between them, though. Like I’ve tried quite a few different pills, and I don’t, I haven’t found one that’s miraculously cured everything. So just sort of pick them on the other side of things, rather than acne being my main, main prioritisation. I don’t think there’s any other medication that’s impacted them that much though.

And there isnt a one size fits all for supporting someone with acne, but. I think it’s more recognising the emotional support is needed, rather than the physical support. I guess that’s something that some of my friends have fallen into, theyve tried to help by suggesting things I can do to make it better. And I get really quite frustrated at that, because I know all the things I can do to make it better. And people will say, "Oh have you tried this, this cream? I found it was really helpful when I had chickenpox." And I’m like, that’s, that’s a nice sentiment but it’s not chickenpox, it’s – Ive tried all the creams that are out there, you cant – there wont be just some offhand general knowledge comment that can help. But what I need is the emotional support, and I need for people to say, "Oh you’re so much more than that, I know this is difficult now but itll get better." All those sort of more personal support than the practical support is needed. Which sometimes – especially practical people tend to fall into. Perfectly well-meaning, I know they mean to help. But sometimes it’s, it’s not helpful at all. Cos it just makes you feel more isolated, that they don’t understand what you’re going through. And fair enough, why should they understand? But until youve been through it, I don’t think you can. But you can be supportive through anything. You can make sure that you’re there, make sure you’re reminding them that theyre there more than that, that theyre, that they’re your friends, theyre there for you in whatever way. And they want to help, if you show them how to. You cant just expect them to know, know how to off the bat, so. I think that would be my main thing to friends and family, is it’s emotional support not the physical support that they need.

I think it definitely is more, more the professional side of things that I feel it bothers me socially. And it’s a very teenage-associated thing. As an adult with acne, it makes me feel like I should have grown out, out of this by now. And that – I don’t know, it just makes you feel slightly less prepared. Slightly less in control, maybe that’s what it is. I don’t, if I don’t even have control over my skin. So I do definitely tend to talk less or interact less when Ive got a bad breakout, because I don’t want to draw attention to. So I try, I really try not to let it get in the way, but that’s because I’m putting the effort in. If I was just left to my own devices it would probably stop me going out and making new business clients, or interacting in a way that would be, be best for me. So yeah, it does bother me quite a lot, even now. Which again makes me feel bad, because I feel like it shouldnt bother me because – you know – it’s just skin. But you have to live in your skin every day. So it’s still something that I don’t know, bothers me because it is there, constantly. There’s no, no, no escape from it. And you wouldn’t want people to, to judge you for it. So yeah, as well if you’re going out on a night out as well, even with your friends, I may swap what side I’m on in a photo, to minimise how much acne you can see, and things like that. So it’s not that bad, with my friends. It’s more with work that it makes me feel unprofessional for.

You’ve said a couple of times about sickness, and sort of the identity as a sick person, you think is something that you don’t see yourself, or don’t want to be seen as?

No. That is probably one of the things that I have struggled with while seeking help. Because at one side of the spectrum I want to take control, I want to take ownership of it, I want it to be something that I don’t let impact my life as much as it could. But at the other end, I don’t – I don’t like the, a large amount of medical intervention, cos it’s not – it’s not an illness, it’s not a sickness, it’s not something that you need to declare on health forms or things like that, so. I do sometimes struggle with that. And again, that’s something that I am still working on. But I really don’t like the idea of the, the tablets and having to get your prescription filled, and be in line with everyone else that probably is genuinely sick and needs those sort of things. I think maybe that’s sometimes why on the odd occasion where I have had a bad experience with a GP, it’s maybe what, what they’re thinking as well, that it’s not – it’s definitely not as serious as other things you can go to your GP about, it’s not something that’s making me sick, making me feel bad physically, sort of thing. So I don’t know, it – it would be nice if there was a different channel for it. I mean it’s still a medical thing, but it’s definitely not an illness. It’s, it’s a condition but – you know – everyone has a condition, life is a condition, it’s a state of being, you know? So I don’t, I don’t see it as a diagnosis, I guess. And I don’t like feeling like it is as a diagnosis. Because it’s – it’s just a thing, you know? It shouldn’t be – it almost makes it feel worse, when you have to go to a doctor about it, because – you know – you see doctors when you’re sick, so. I don’t, I don’t like that connotation. But there’s not a lot you can do about that really, it’s just something I’ll have to make peace with.

So yeah, it wasn’t until I’d come back after being in Australia that I knew there were alternatives to the nasty gel or just the over the counter things. I don’t think they were able to give me exactly the same thing that I’d been on in Australia, they gave me an alternative. And it was really huge tablets, and I’m not very good with tablets. The ones in Australia were really little. So again, my compliance went down with those, because I didn’t enjoy taking them. And so my skin got worse because, you know, if you’re on mild antibiotics for things you have to keep your dose up. So yeah, that was why I decided to come off the pills, because I wasn’t seeing the benefit, and I was feeling like I was constantly ill because I was always going everywhere taking tablets. And like if I was going to stay with at a friend’s I’d put my overnight bag down and it would rattle, so you could obviously tell that I’d got a pot full of tablets in there. And it was just – wasn’t overly pleasant. So yeah, that’s – that’s why I decided to come off the tablets.

When I was younger it tended to be more on my face, across my nose and cheeks and my forehead. Now it tends to be more along my jaw line. I still get them all across the front of my chest, and all the way down my back. The ones on my back tend to be smaller now, which is good. But I don’t know, it’s still things like when you’re washing yourself in the shower and you can feel all of them. Even though I can’t necessarily see them as much, you still know they’re there. I don’t tend to get them anywhere else. So my arms, my legs, the rest of, the rest of my body seems to be okay, but. Yeah it’s, it’s not pleasant to, to have them everywhere. Especially when you can’t get to them, almost. Like the ones on your face you can make sure you’re washing and keeping clean, and things like that. But the ones down your back, you can’t really help that. Try to wear more natural fabrics and things like that, when I have a breakout, just so they can breathe a bit better. Like I say, I’ll wear things that have more of a collar or go higher up, just to cover them up. But that’s not, it’s not wholly impractical. A little bit when it’s summer, because don’t want to be covered up, or end with a gazillion tan lines. But it’s, it’s, it’s been okay.

The soreness definitely is an issue. For example the ones I’ve got round my jaw line here [points to right jawline] are really quite sore at the moment. So much so that I’ll sort of wince if I catch one of them, which I did at work the other day. And you kind of don’t want to show that you, you’re in pain. Cos then people go, Oh, are you alright?’ And then you have to explain, Oh, I’ve caught one of my zits. And that’s embarrassing. So that can be quite difficult. I had one on my nose a couple of days ago that I just caught when I was scratching, and it bled. And I couldn’t see that it was bleeding, and someone else had to say, “Oh, did you realise you’re bleeding?” And that’s quite embarrassing, to have to go and then patch yourself up, and have a scab on your nose for a couple of days.

Would you be able to say a bit more about those differences between sort of teen acne and then adult acne?

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I’ve always had oily skin, with my acne. But while I was a teenager it was incredibly oily. My skin’s sort of normalised more from that now. But I’ve found as I’ve become less oily skin, I’ve got larger pores. Which now is my main problem with acne, because the larger pores are more prone to it, rather than it being the oily skin. So now I’m more focused on getting the right moisturisers, getting – staying hydrated, drinking lots of water, things like that. Whereas when I was a teenager it was all just oil control. Which make-ups can I use, which things can I take to sixth form to wash my face with at lunch, or you know, you can buy those little towel bits of paper that soak up all the oil and things. So I think it definitely has changed quite a bit. I mean, even before, when I first got my breakouts – I can’t even remember what my skin was like then. I was 12, you know? I think my skin was just changing so often. I do have quite sensitive skin as well, I’ve always had that. So that’s sort of been an added complexity to all of it, because you can’t just throw lots of chemicals at my skin without it reacting badly. So yeah, it’s definitely different now than how it was before.