How much do you use the internet to find out about health related information like about antidepressants or?

I use it quite a lot but I find it quite annoying because the NHS style official websites have almost just the blurb that’s in the packet on them whereas if you go onto something like, you know, Yahoo answers’ then there’s loads more kind of real time information but obviously you don’t know whether they’re real people or if they’re making it up. So I think certainly a website like this that’s got, you know, genuine certified information on it is much better and I wish there were more websites like that.

So is it quite helpful to find out how other people deal with different aspects?

Well I think so because just to know that there’s other people going through it first of all is a massive bonus knowing you’re not the only person in the world because that’s often how you feel that it’s you and everyone else. so to know that actually it’s everyone else and a couple of other people are much better, it certainly helps me. And just to hear other people, it’s the language that they use, you know, they don’t say it is unadvisable to do this, they say oh I felt really sick when I did that and it just makes it a bit more.

It makes it a bit more real.

It does, it does and I think, you know, you’re much more likely to understand if you’ve been, this hasn’t happened to me but if you’ve been throwing up each morning because of the side effects and you read that someone else has been throwing up each morning because of the side effects then you know what’s going on then whereas if you read in a packet it might cause you to vomit’, I don’t know it’s just something about it.

I wish I didn’t have to do it mainly because I’m so full of chemicals anyway and I used to have a massive phobia of taking pills so when I was first diagnosed with the Crohn’s having to get over that was quite a hurdle. And so it is just quite annoying, you know, that part of my breakfast is all these little pills but I suppose I’ve just kind of accepted it and because I already take mediation to make me feel physically okay, to take medication to make me feel mentally okay doesn’t seem like that much of a leap. but I do sometimes worry about all the chemicals and bits and pieces and manufacturing that goes into it and stuff like that.

But it sounds like the only affect you’ve had has been a positive one I mean you haven’t had side effects or anything untoward associated?

No I’ve been quite lucky yes.

And do you talk to other people and tell them that you take antidepressants, is that something you keep personal?

No I generally tell people I’m always really open at school people always used to find out like the boy that I fancied or whatever before I ever did and it was kind of a bit like walking in and having like the Sun newspaper doing a feature on me every day so I just kind of got used to it so I’m not really a very private person I sometimes wish I could be but I’m just sort of used to. And I’ve got to the point where I am so open about so many things if I’m not open about something else it feels a bit wrong.

And what sort of response do you get from other people when you tell them about?

Everyone’s pretty much has been fine, one of my friends was like Oh well we’ve got to get you off them straight away,’ and I sort of went Well no because I’ve only just been on them and I need them for a bit,’ so I don’t think we’re quite, I don’t, I think he was acting like I’d told him I’d got addicted or something like that it was really strange. But everyone else is just oh yes fair enough okay, is there anything you need?’ And actually a lot of people have turned around and said I take them too welcome to the club!’

I tried some counselling sessions and they were helpful but I found that I’d get everything straight in my head in the session and then come out and a few hours later be all angry and all over the place again and I just thought I need something stronger to sort me out, I want to give this a go. And then again I mean it was quite a lengthy discussion with the doctors and I went back several times before anyone said, you know, we are going to put you on pills.

So what was talked about before they actually decided on them?

I think just whether it was serious or not, enough to put me on the, I mean they have the questionnaires that you have to fill in, you know, how many times have you felt like this week and stuff like that. And it was obviously getting quite sort of solid that I really wasn’t coping very well with things.

Well I noticed an improvement immediately and people have said that’s probably the placebo effect because they take a couple of months to kick in but as I say as far as I was concerned I instantly felt much more calm, much more happy, much more able to view things kind of clearly. My mum kept going round the house going Oh it’s amazing she’s a different person its lovely we’ve got our lovely little girl back,’ and all sorts of things like that so I don’t quite know why that was but certainly that’s kind of how I felt.

And did you have any side effects at all from it?

No not the first time round not that I remember everything seemed fine.

Yes it said it wasn’t recommended to drink with antidepressants and that’s kind of the idea that people get anyway I can’t now remember whether the GP, the initial GP several years ago actually told me that I shouldn’t drink. us certainly I didn’t and then when I went back on this time I thought oh no I’m not going to be able to drink and that’s going to seem odd and then people will find out because they’ll want to know why I’m not drinking. And I stuck it out for a few months and then I just happened to go to the GP about something else and I think they asked me how much I drank and I said well I don’t because I’m on citalopram and she said What, who told you that?’ and I said but it says in the little leaflet you’re not allowed to it’s a really bad,’ It tells you in all the leaflets it doesn’t mean anyone takes any notice and I was like Oh alright then fair enough.