I knew what I was doing was absolutely right and I had no anxiety, I didn’t have any anxiety towards whether I was doing, what I was doing was right or wrong. It was the actual harm that I was, not, the actual harm that my baby thought that I was sort of causing them. And I know at 8 weeks old they probably have absolutely no concept of that whatsoever, they just know that something’s been stuck into their leg and it hurts. And then they sort of look to you to think, you know, ‘Why have you let that happen?’ And I think it was all that kind of sort of psychological, you know, ‘I’m here to protect you and bond with you and I’m your mother and theres no… you know, that kind of mother-child bond. And I think I was just most anxious about the fact that I was harming my child, they didn’t understand why it was happening. But then I suppose, you know, it’s something that they, I mean, you know, if I spoke to my daughter now she probably wouldn’t have any recollection of it whatsoever, so it’s probably just something that you just take on as a new mother because you’ve never experienced it before, you don’t know how you should feel but I just think, that I mean, that’s the anxiety of that, that was basically how I felt. It wasn’t the actual injection, what I was injecting in to her, that didn’t bother me at all because I knew what I was doing was right and it needed to be done and I’d been advised and you know, etc, etc. So that was the main reason behind it.

And then I think when I came to the booster one at 8 months that was fine, I just went ahead and did it. But I did start to worry after that when the 13 months sort of started to come up that the MMR thing, you know, this whole big debate. So I think basically I did a lot of reading, I spoke to a lot of people, spoke to about three or four different doctors, and I was very, very tempted to go for the single jabs, and I was prepared to pay the money because I was just too, you know, too concerned about the, the link with autism. But then, I don’t know what it was, it was almost as if there was something inside me that suddenly just decided to get, to get her done.

And I’d spoken to a very good private doctor who’d convinced me that actually there was nothing wrong and he would go ahead and do the triple jab. So I went ahead and I booked her in and I got the, the injection done. And then literally the next afternoon at nursery there was a mumps, or was it, no, there was a measles case. And, and I don’t know why I, but I just, you know, there was obviously something inside me that I had to do it that particular day, and then the next day this measles case came up. And, and she was, you know, she was fine, she hasn’t, she hasn’t got it. And so far she hasn’t shown any strange behaviour, things towards the, the MMR. So I think in the end I was quite happy that I made the decision because, you know, having measles obviously is ten times worse.