Miriam - Interview 05
More about me...
Miriam (51) lives with her husband and her two youngest children. For the last five years or so Miriam has been caring for her oldest son, Dominic, who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and who lives nearby.
Miriam came to the UK to work as a mental health nurse in the late 1980s. At that time, Dominic stayed behind with his father in East Africa, but he came to join Miriam some years later. When he was 21, his father died and Dominic got very stressed and started smoking cannabis. It took some time before Miriam noticed changes in his behaviour. When he eventually went to the GP and was prescribed medication, he was reluctant to take it. Dominic was eventually diagnosed with schizophrenia, but Miriam thinks what he has is drug induced psychosis.
Since then, Dominic has been in and out of hospital a number of times. In periods when he takes his medication he is fine, Miriam says, but then he stops taking it, or he takes it while also drinking alcohol, which makes them ineffective. He also suffers from bad side effects which makes him reluctant to take his medication. While Miriam understands that Dominic wants to hang out with his friends and do what young people do, it is sad to see him go into a bad period when she believes he could remain stable on medication.
Since Miriam is a mental health nurse she had a lot of knowledge about mental health problems, which can be helpful. On the other hand, it made it difficult to juggle the role of health professional and the role of mother. Dominic sometimes complained that she treated him like one of her patient and that she 'nagged' him about medicine. Working in the same Trust where Dominic was a patient added to these difficulties, as her colleagues sometimes had information about him that was kept confidentially from her, and other times she would feel protective and finding it hard to treat him as an independent person within the same system as she was working herself. Miriam decided she wanted to focus on her role as Dominic's mother. She was able to get his case transferred to a different Trust, and Miriam decided she would let the mental health team deal with his medication so that this issue would not put a strain on their relationship.
Today Miriam keeps in frequent contact with Dominic, she phones him every other day and he visits every Sunday. She says she always on 'stand by' and looks out for signs that something is wrong. In the periods when he is unwell, Dominic can't really look after himself properly, so Miriam goes back and forth several times each day to make sure he eats, is safe (he tends to wander and sometimes gets lost) and that he keeps himself and the flat clean.
Miriam recognises the importance of patient confidentiality, but she says that since becoming a carer herself she sees a need for finding ways of involving families better and for sharing information between carers, health professionals and those with mental health problems.
Miriam gets good support from her mother, but she says as a foreigner, there is limited social support available. She is careful not to talk too much about the situation with her friends because she is aware that hearing about the same issues year after year may wear out the friendship.
Although she is hopeful that Dominic will see the benefit of staying on medication and be stable, Miriam worries about what the future holds for him and she is concerned that her younger children are affected and that they see caring for Dominic as an inevitable part of their future.
Miriam thinks there is a need for more openness around mental health problems, and particularly, she says in African communities. People need to realise mental illness exists and that people can get better with the right treatment and care. It is also important, she says, that health professionals treat people as whole person's and take into account their cultural background.
Miriam has turned down opportunities for promotion because she doesn't want the added stress.

Miriam has turned down opportunities for promotion because she doesn't want the added stress.
A friendly doctor took time to talk properly to Miriam and her son.

A friendly doctor took time to talk properly to Miriam and her son.
Miriam wants carers and health professionals to have regular contact from day one.

Miriam wants carers and health professionals to have regular contact from day one.
Her youngest children worry about their older brother and think they may have to look after him...

Her youngest children worry about their older brother and think they may have to look after him...
How do you feel about that, that they have these thoughts?
I don't know, it is difficult, but no, you don't know. You assume that maybe he will be able to pick himself up at some point, but, it may be difficult for him, it may be difficult for everybody else but, -it's not pleasant to think that he is the eldest isn't he and he's supposed to be looking after them, so, if it's going to be the other way around then, -this is the suspiciousness around, because every time you want to know what's going on, what's happening and it may not be, -maybe it's uncomfortable for him thinking that, people are worried about him, but then he can't help it, so I just hope that maybe he'll be able to help himself to the point that he can move on somehow, so, I don't know, it's difficult.
Having other people talk about 'how to express emotion' may be insulting to carers.

Having other people talk about 'how to express emotion' may be insulting to carers.
Miriam says patient confidentiality is tricky when it puts people at risk.

Miriam says patient confidentiality is tricky when it puts people at risk.
Miriam thinks regular communication between families and professionals can help prevent crises.

Miriam thinks regular communication between families and professionals can help prevent crises.
Miriam understands that her young son might see her involvement as 'nagging' when he wants to...

Miriam understands that her young son might see her involvement as 'nagging' when he wants to...
When her son is unwell she visits several times a day to make sure he is OK.

When her son is unwell she visits several times a day to make sure he is OK.
Miriam says services need to understand that mental health problems means different things in...

Miriam says services need to understand that mental health problems means different things in...
How do you define mental illness?
How do I define mental illness? In my own words, I would just say it's' -a way of thinking outside your reality, really, and not able to meet your basic requirements at a point that you're in some form of crisis. So if the crisis is sorted and you'll maybe get better and at times you need some medication to help you do that. So it's not the end of the world, you know, I mean it doesn't often kill like so many other physical illnesses kill, but it can make life difficult, so you need to deal with it.
Her family 'back home' blames her for bringing her son to England where he became unwell.

Her family 'back home' blames her for bringing her son to England where he became unwell.
And is that within, the interpretation within African culture, that this, that the blame is put on you? Can you say a bit more about that, what is that linked in with in African culture, do you think?
As I say, the mental illness is not a sort of hereditary thing, and there's no-one' in that they feel, -I think my family back home feels that maybe because people know or understand that children in this country are not disciplined, they understand, and so they do what they want and they will drink and they whatever, so maybe you were not able to bring them up well enough, to be able to understand and the sort of lifestyle that has made them the way they are. So, they always say, oh you have to bring him home, you have to bring him home, but they also don't understand that you cannot force anyone under 20 years old to say, go in a plane and go away. You know, so, that becomes hard and as I say, most of the people that I know, that come from the same background as I, or I know from my cultural background, I don't talk to them about him, because I know that they will always have something negative about the whole situation, that hurts, so.
She feels she wears out her few friends here, whereas communities back home might be more...
