And at what point did they tell you that that’s what you’d had?

Oh not for ages. Actually it was just mentioned in passing. It wasn’t you have Ogilvie’s or you had Ogilvie’s or however you say it. It was somebody just mentioned it, and I thought, oh is that what it was, you know, rather than, saying, this is what it were.

And that fact, that kind of understanding of how serious it was, who explained that to you and when was that explained? Was that something you’ve worked out by yourself?

I’ve worked it out by myself. And by the fact that they basically were dancing around me afterwards and I went and read my notes last year, which did actually help. And I can’t fault them for that actually. Then I was like, Oh there’s too much stuff there. And she was like, No I’m going through it bit by bit. And they did. It felt like they were doing nothing. But they were doing something. But obviously that wasn’t communicated to me, and it was, they perceived with the psychiatry thing, they perceived my comment, which was, I don’t want to be here. As something completely different, and actually that took me down a different road to completely the way I should have been going. And the fact that now they do all know about it. And there’s books and stuff on it there shows to me how serious it was, but I have just probably worked it out for myself and also people’s with jokey comments. We don’t ever want to see you back here [laughs] ever again. Or, the care assistant had been there for all three of mine on the ward, you know, just sort of saying, Bloody hell woman. You know [laughs] It was bad enough with the first, you were a pain in the arse with the second, and a third look at you [laughs].

So and it did actually help to go back on the ward to read my notes, to face it. Because it sounds silly but I was beginning to want to avoid it. And I know that the best way to face it, is to face it, and they did want, they did say to me, Do you want us to read your notes somewhere else? And I said, to them, No. I want to read it on the ward. And that, I’m glad that I did that, because that actually made it not so scary. Because it becomes something different in your head.

And who went through your notes with you?

The ward manager.

Okay.

So

So you’d recommend that?

Oh yes. But not straight away. And I mean I went through, when I was, after I had [second daughter] I was trying to decide whether to have a VBAC and I went through after I had [daughter], I went through my notes quite straight away, because I was told that’s what you do. And it traumatised me more, because there was yet more dates of birth and they’d got the dates of birth wrong because the clocks had gone forward, the hours of her birth, it was all and I, so I felt that bad I just didn’t know when she was born, how much she weighed or anything. Ask me how much the other two weighed and I couldn’t tell you but for some reason it was important for the first. And it was the wrong thing to do.

Then I went through them again with different people who weren’t involved and realised actually I could have had a natural birth if they’d held their nerve, but they weren’t going to hold their nerve with me. And hindsight I suppose is a good thing. And it could have a different outcome I supp

So I suppose going back on the Tuesday, I was on Facebook, [laughs] saying three more I thought I was going to have an elective Caesarean because they wouldn’t have me have VBAC and chatting on Facebook and all of the sudden I just had the most awful pain like I’ve never known. Well it was the same as the urine retention actually. And I said to my partner, Oh I think I’m in urine retention. But I couldn’t move, couldn’t stand up or anything.

Luckily my gynaecologist had had told me, had promised me that she would deliver my children. So when the ambulance man came, I got them to ring her at home [laughs]. Which she advised to get me straight in. So I thought I was in labour, because I hadn’t really experienced labour.

So I was like yes, I’m going to get my VBAC and I was actually OK about it, I wasn’t traumatised or anything from it at all. I was quite pleased with it not knowing it was happening. The ambulance driver, I remember I couldn’t find the lift because he’d gone in a different thing, so they were panicking going round and round the hospital. Got me in and the gynaecologist was there. And she just took one look at me and she just said, Crash now.

Now, so obviously I just had to let them put everything on me. But because I knew who, who was delivering her and she sort of rubbed my cheek and said, I’ll make sure you’re okay. I was okay. Actually it was really important, because with [first daughter] I didn’t believe that she was my baby at all, because I’d never seen her born, and I was completely traumatised from it. Whereas this was a lot worse and I wasn’t and that’s why I’ve got lots of photos of the birth, because they wanted to make sure that I would know that [third daughter] was my baby coming out of me. So it makes gruesome viewings, but I like them.

Tell me a bit about the GP and why she’s been so..?

She has been in constant contact with us. She if I do need to have a chat and things I can go and I speak her. She reassures me if things, or she’ll check, I might say can you check this out or whatever. I trust her 101 per cent. So she’s just there, they’re just available. There’s three little it’s a doctor’s surgery. They have three GP’s. Everybody knows everybody. And, it’s fab in that respect. It’s not a big one where you’re Its personal, it’s like going back to the fifties really or something it’s nice. It’s not particularly, you know, all up to date and all guns blazing, but that’s not what we need as a family. We need someone that knows who we are and I can say x y and z and they know what it’s about and that’s what I like. So my GP, I mean when I was in hospital they would ring up for updates and midwives and stuff would come and say, Oh you’re GP’s been on the phone. And she sends her love. Hopes you’re okay. You know, and that’s made it, the feeling that when you get out there is a support out there. Things went wrong. And when I’ve gone there and gone, Oh. You know, this has happened. She’s tried to help me. It could be diarrhoea tablets, or anti diarrhoea or if I’m constipated, or if I’m not. Everything’s all, she tried to sort all that out with me as well. So I’ve been very, very lucky that they, and they communicate and support me around that. So it’s been really, really good.