I left the hospital, it was all finished, came home, which was, about half an hour drive, feeling fine, you know, a little bit uncomfortable perhaps, but no, nothing really. Came home, couldt wait for a cup of tea, sat and relaxe another cup of tea, and I started getting an awful pain in my back where I’d had this radiotherapy, an awful, awful pain like yod pulled a muscle or something, which went right down my arm. I took some paracetamols, I went up and laid on the bed, I couldt lay, I couldt sit, the pain was quite awful. I managed to sort of; take loads of painkillers and it dulled it a bit, but the next day I had to go to the doctos, which for me is pretty bad if I have to go to the doctos. I was given some, some tablets;

It just lasted five days. It gradually got easier and easier and then it was gone. So that was fine, no more tablets;;

There was a person there [with the consultant], a lady. I cannot honestly remember if I was asked permission or not, or, I mean they must have said who she was but I really wasn’t taking it in. And afterwards she took me to another room and, she was a special cancer nurse from a local hospice, which shocked me quite a lot. She offered me a long weekend in the hospice, which, you know, I was just, well, I was very shocked with the whole thing;

I think she used the wordwhe I need medication I can go into the local hospice for about seven days while they work it all out, which to me was an awful, awful shock because I was not ill. Why would I want to go into a hospice? I was not on any drugs, so there was no way that I felt ill at all. I was coping with things, so, quite, well, I dismissed it completely. But it broke me. I’m not a person that can easily be broken but it actually broke me, and coming out of the hospital I was very, very upset thinking that I was going to die the next week. The following day the hospice phoned me up, a different person, asking me if I’d like to go and meet the staff at the hospice, which again I replied,N. I’m too strong, you know, this was too sudden, no one had explained anything to me, why would I need to go to a place like that? So the answer was,N. It did almost totally destroy me, I lost quite a lot of will [to live] at that time;;

And then you went on to see the consultant about the radiotherapy, and you said how devastating that was?

Yes.

And can you say a little bit abou you said there was somebody else in the room. Can you say a bit about that, you havet mentioned that before?

No. There was a person there, a lady. I cannot honestly remember if I was asked permission or not, or, I mean they must have said who she was but I really wasn’t taking it in. And afterwards she took me to another room and, she was a special cancer nurse from a local hospice, which shocked me quite a lot. She offered me a long weekend in the hospice, which, you know, I was just, well, I was very shocked with the whole thing;

I think she used the wordwhe I need medication I can go into the local hospice for about seven days while they work it all out, which to me was an awful, awful shock because I was not ill. Why would I want to go into a hospice? I was not on any drugs, so there was no way that I felt ill at all. I was coping with things, so, quite, well, I dismissed it completely. But it broke me. I’m not a person that can easily be broken but it actually broke me, and coming out of the hospital I was very, very, very upset thinking that I was going to die the next week. The following day the hospice phoned me up, a different person, asking me if I’d like to go and meet the staff at the hospice, which again I replied, no. I’m too strong, you know, this was too sudden, no one had explained anything to me, why would I need to go to a place like that? So the answer was no. It did almost totally destroy me, I lost quite a lot of will at that time;;

I waited for about, just over an hour, which was fine, we could have cups of tea and things, you know. Then I was called back in, laid on the table, it’s in an operating theatre but, just like an X-ray room really, and they’d marked my chest already. And you just didn’t move, you know, when the girl said,Right, I’m going to ask you to keep stil, you just laid as still as possible, which was okay. It started, the machine came down a little way and I sort of, a cross light came onto your body. it’s, it was nerve-racking, it was really nerve-racking. I was pretty wound up and quite scared but now, come on, keep still, keep still, and a buzzer would go and then you knew that you could move, and you were just hoping and hoping for this buzzer to go and, and finally it does, and you think, Gosh (sighs). It felt like, something warm going through my chest, which seemed to get quite hot but not uncomfortable. When I had it from underneath, through and then from the top through to the back. When this was taking place, I could feel my back getting very, very hot. I’d just had an operation a few years ago on my back and it seemed to be just that spot, and it was getting very hot, very itchy and quite uncomfortable. But I just laid still and, and hoped and prayed for this buzzer to go off, which it did;
;

My first appointment for cryosurgery was just before Christmas 2002, the year 2002. I was going to stay in for one night but if I was well enough I could be an outpatient and just come home late afternoon. I travelled down to the hospital, very nervous. (Pause)

it’s alright.

Went to the ward, the nursing staff were very, very good. I was talked to by lots of registrars and explained what was going to happen. There was no pre-med, they take you straight down to the theatre, but they do give you an anaesthetic, which, you know, you just go off to sleep. So that’s fine. I think it lasts probably about twenty minutes and, you know, yore brought back up to the ward when yove had your recovery time. I was a bit groggy but feeling not too bad, very sore throat, very sore throat, but I was told that it would be, you know, pretty sore, and I was doing okay. I was drinking water, you know, I was okay, I wasn’t sick, feeling quite well you know;;

I then started to chat to one of the other patients in the ward – the wars very small, it’s only two beds in each ward, and I coughed, and I felt this enormous lump in my throat. And I was just so scared, I really thought, crumbs theve left something in my throat or, I don’t know. But I was very, very frightened and I could really feel something in the back of my throat which I then went to the Ladies to try and, sort of, spit it out. Anyway it would not come out, so I had to pull the cord, by which time I was beside myself.

Anyway, one of the male nurses came in and took me back to the ward and the surgeon came round to see me. I mean, I just didn’t stop holding my throat, and it was explained to me that there was a little flap at the bottom in your throat, at the bottom bit, which was so swollen that it had flapped up, and it would go down, and I was not to worry, it was just my throat. My whole throat was very red raw, ulcerated, you know, from having the tube down, and it was just that it had swollen. And I took real relief into that, I believed what he told me and I did calm myself down, and I did come home. I was well enough to come home. I came home, felt like I’d sort of had a few rounds with Frank Bruno. That was okay. That night when I went to bed I had terrible, pains in my chest, my throat was very sore, the lump was still ther

I just thought, crumbs, I’m worse now than what I was before I went. [Sighs] But after a few days I gradually got better, you know, sucked lots of lozenge things for my throat. It went down and I started to feel a lot better. I could breathe a lot more easily, I’ve got two dogs – I can walk the dogs, so it really was worth the first of the cryosurgery.