But you know, I think where I went there was three different machines, three different radiotherapy machines so, but the nurses were great you know, I mean well they’re not called nurses, they’re radio, radiographers were, were great, they really were friendly, they sort of explained what they were doing. So that was good. But it’s just what you’re doing there. And it was seconds, the treatment was for seconds, you know I just went in there. You lay down there on the thing, they set the machine up and then you just get zapped for a few seconds I think, I can’t remember it was, yeah maybe ten seconds or something like that. And that’s it, then you get up and then you go. But the thing is what it does, because it was on the stomach particularly they said it does make you feel sick so they gave me some sickness tablets OK, to sort of stop the, the sickness.

OK, so yeah so it was after the CT scan I had to wait, like I say I had to wait three weeks for my results and during that period you know I tried to go to work, that didn’t work, came back, decided just to stay off work until I got the results really. And, but over that three weeks it, you know I was, I was getting more and more stressed, more and more anxiety and in the end the Thursday, I was getting the results on the Monday, and on the Thursday I went to the doctors and I said to them ‘I just can’t cope with this anymore,’ you know it was just building up and building up inside me and it was just, I just couldn’t cope anymore.

‘so this actually made me understand why people, how easy it is to be, go from being perfectly confident, happy in what’s happening and then suddenly within three weeks you can be completely you know lose all your confidence and just be a complete wreck really you know, sort of not physically but just mentally you know. So that, that actually was a shock for me because I’d never been like that before in my life, never experienced that.

But it, I would say that was the worst time in my, you know the worst feelings I’ve ever had in my life of anxiety and stress and you know just not knowing something. The fear of the unknown it is.