It was ok. Th kept lying to me. I mean I didn’t really understand what I had. They told me it was a ductal carcinoma in situ. It was pre-malignant, it wasn’t cancer, it was nothing. It was treated like it was nothing and it only occurred to me much later "why did they take away half my breast for nothing".

I looked it up eventually on the internet. I got a computer, this was a long time ago so not everybody had a computer, but I got a computer, looked it up, looked up DCIS and I foundmalignant conditio. Oh yes, I forgot to tell you that I saw the Oncologist just after my wide excision. And he said "do you know what yove had" and I said "yes, I’ve had DCIS but it wasn’t malignant" and he said to me "of course it was malignant, who on earth told you it wasn’t malignant?" And I said "the Surgeon". He replied "no he didn’t". Which didn’t make me feel exactly great because I wasn’t lying. So I had these mixed messages of "it’s not malignant", "yes it is malignant". I actually learned it was malignant from the Oncologist and I think that was another reason why I really thought "I need extra information to find out what is it? What is DCIS? What have I had?";

Don’t have one [mammogram] on it’s own, have an ultrasound as well. I mean people often tell me “oh, I wouldn’t want a mammogram because they hurt” and the answer to that is “they may hurt because you have a cyst, so go and try and get a mammogram in the first half of your menstrual cycle when there is less likely to be cyst”;

And the other thing is that, yes it can be very uncomfortable, but childbirth is even more uncomfortable and we manage that. You know, we are women, we can cope with pain and unlike childbirth, having a mammogram only lasts a few seconds, that bit when they really squash that thing together, it lasts only a few minutes. It is something we can cope with;

The mammograms you had right at the beginning didn’t show anything did they?

No, nothing.

It was only the ultrasound?

Yes;

So, how do you feel about going for mammograms;

I didn’t like going for mammograms on their own, you know, without ultrasound. I didn’t mind mammograms at all because I was advised that I needed them. I didn’t have a problem with them. I have a problem with them now because, as I say, they are unreliable and I think they are wrong and, you know, there is a lot of hoping involved that the mammograms and manual exams are enough and given how lumpy my breasts are I think it’s not optimal treatment;

Would you like to say anything about mammograms? For example, some people might say “younger women below the age of 50 should go for mammograms”?

The only problem is that so many of them are difficult to read, if there is a real good reason to have one and the doctors will know, have one. Don’t have one on it’s own, have an ultrasound as well;

I found what I thought was a lump. I was 39 and I thought what I’d do is just to wait a cycle or two to see if it disappeared and it didn’t. So I went to see my GP and she gave me an exam and she said “no that’s normal, theres nothing wrong, but I will give you a full exam” and she found a small lump under the nipple where, for some reason, I had never checked. I don’t know why but I decided somewhere along the line that this really didn’t need a special examination. I examined everywhere else but I kind of forgot to actually press underneath the nipple and she found something;

She said “it feels fine, don’t worry, most of these lumps are benign, but I am going to send you on to the local surgeon”;

So I don’t know exactly what happened at my next meeting with the Consultant, but he said "I think wd better take it out now". I certainly wasn’t clambering for him to take it out. I wasn’t insisting he take it out. I was still,no it’s fin. He did tell me I think he thought he was 93 percent certain it was benign, it was alright, you know, I didn’t expect anything to go wrong.

And the actual news that there was something wrong came on Friday afternoon, late afternoon and he said that there is something not right and to come and see him next week. So I didn’t really understand it, but I knew enough, that it wasn’t benign. That weekend I was just numb. I suddenly felt I’d joined a club I actually didn’t want to belong to.

He said I’d need a further operation, a wide excision and I just I thought this cat be happening to me. I had a AA breast, I thought there isn’t enough to have a lump in, let alone a malignant lump. There was breast cancer on my fathes side of the family, although there was none on my mothes side. You know I thought I’m young, I’ve got virtually no breasts and here I have something that shouldt be there and it’s not fair;

So I raged a little bit, I went to see him. He really didn’t explain it terribly well. He maintained it wasn’t malignant, it was pre-malignant and anyway I had the wide excision.