I was sat there for days after, just talking like Im talking now. There was no response.

They just said to me, they dont know if they can hear you or not, But we like you to sit and talk. And you can talk a load of old rubbish, as long as youre, someones sat there and youre talking. They said, But we dont know whether that person can hear what youre saying or not. But its just a thing they like you to do. So thats what I done most days, just sat there, held the wifes hand and just talked like Im talking now. Probably a load of old rubbish but, you know.

I mean even the nurses when you was in Intensive Care, I know it was one-one, they always used to sit and talk to you, even though you couldnt answer them. They used to, I used to go in there some days and the nurse was talking to you. One of them was telling you about her son getting married and all that. I can remember that as if it was only yesterday. And another older nurse there, and shed be talking to you all the time, you know, just talking about their own life, you know what I mean, what was happening in their own family. You know, I thought that was very nice, you know what I mean. Couldnt fault them up there. They was very nice in Intensive Care, they was brilliant, you know. And [later] every time you asked for a drink, you couldnt drink because, they were sponging it in your mouth, and theyd give you a cup of tea, wouldnt they, and sponge your mouth out with it. They was brilliant, fantastic, definitely. I couldnt fault Intensive Care one little bit.

HusbandLike I say, they told me what was wrong, what they were doing, you know what I mean. They told me everything they were doing. They were doing this for a certain reason. This drug was for something else. But it was above my head, it was above me, you know what I mean. I couldnt understand it. There was sort of, it was, it was too much. I said to you, didnt I?

WifeYes, because they –

HusbandI couldnt understand it.

Wife- they come out with the, the proper words.

HusbandI couldnt, it was too much for me to take on board. If somebody had put it in layman terms for me I would have been all right, I would have been fine.

WifeIf they would say that, Oh, were putting her on antibiotics to get –

HusbandBut, you know.

Wife- rid of this infection or… They didnt. They said theyre putting me on

HusbandSome –

WifeTheyd say

The drugs name?

WifeYes.

HusbandYes. You know, if theyd said, Oh, this tubes doing so-and so and this feeds doing… you know what I mean, Id have been all right. But it was all gobbledegook, it was, it was above my head, you know what I mean.

HusbandIt was Professor [doctors name] who discharged you [wife], didnt he? He was brilliant, you couldnt, oh he was a fantastic doctor, wasnt he?

WifeHe was, yes.

HusbandHe was. There was nothing about that gentleman, hed tell it to you bluntly, as it was, there was no middle line. Hed give you the bare facts and that was it, you know what I mean. There was nothing trying to cover things up. He told you exactly what it was, and that was it. Nothing, no, you know, you didnt have to say to him, Oh, give it to me straight. It was straight, you know what I mean. There was no messing with him, was there?

WifeNo.

HusbandEh? He told you straight.

Because he told you straight, you understood exactly what he meant?

HusbandYes, yes, precisely. You know, there again on Intensive Care the doctors were coming round and they were saying, Oh, so-and-so-and-so. It was above my head because I didnt understand what they were saying. But they were very good to me, you know what I mean. They tried to put it in layman terms so I did understand it. But with Professor [doctors name] he was, you know what I mean, it was straight to the knuckle, wasnt it? And hed just come in and say, you know, How are you?

Wife- when he said I could go home, he said, Are you looking forward to going? He said, When you get home, youll be….

HusbandYes, he did.

WifeHe said, You need to go straight home and straight to bed. I couldnt even get up to bed. I laid on the settee and went to sleep.

HusbandYes, thats what I liked about that man. He was straight up.

WifeHe told it to you straight.

HusbandThere was no messing.

HusbandAnd they took her off to the [hospital name]. Where did you go? High Dependency ward, didnt you? Yes.

Straight into the High Dependency ward?

HusbandYes, straight in.

You didnt go to Accident and Emergency?

HusbandNo. no. Straight to High Dependency Unit.

Did they say what was wrong?

HusbandThey didnt honestly know. They thought it was diabetes, because you [wife] were blowing up, werent you? Went up like a balloon. And then somebody come round and they said they was going to do a scan. And when theyd done the scan they found that the kidney was completely, no, no, there was no sort of, you know what I mean. So then we see a, was it a doctor or a professor?

WifeProfessor.

HusbandProfessor, oh, what was his name?

WifeProfessor [name]

HusbandDr [name] yes. Professor, Dr [doctors name]. He come round and he said to me, Mr [name] he said, Your wife is seriously ill. Ive got to operate tonight. If I dont operate tonight he said, Shell be dead by the morning. And I said, You are joking. And he said, No he said, Its that bad.

Had she always been healthy before?

HusbandYes, yes. Didnt even know she had diabetes even, let alone her kidney was diseased. So he said, The problem he said, All my people have gone home. He said, Ive got nobody. He said, Weve worked mostly through the night. He said, Weve got nobody now. I will get my staff back he said, And we will operate tonight. And they did, didnt they? And he said, The odds arent very good he said, Ill tell you now.

HusbandAnd the wife wouldnt let me sign the consent form, would you? She wouldnt put it on my shoulders. She said, Ill sign it myself.

What were the consent forms for?

HusbandTo have the operation.

Right, so you didnt sign them?

HusbandWife wouldnt let me sign it. The wife wouldnt let me sign it. She wanted to sign it in case anything happened. Because he was honest, he was very, he said, I dont want he said, I cant give you a percentage. He said, Your wife is very ill.

WifeHe didnt tell me that, did he?

HusbandNo, he told me. He said, If we dont operate now he said, You wont have a wife by the morning. And they operated. They took her up to Intensive Care. I stayed there. I dont know, I dont know what time, I cant remember much about it to be honest with you.

Early hours, I went back up there [ICU]. They operated on the Thursday, didnt they? You [wife] went in on the Tuesday, didnt you? They operated Thursday night, yes. The time you come back from theatre, out of the theatre, early hours Friday morning. I came home. I went back up Friday and the wife was out of it completely. All the machines, tubes, it was frightening. Couldnt believe it, you know what I mean. Everything was breathing for her, everything. They told me then that they still didnt have a very good, you know, the percentage wasnt very good. She was still ill. It could still go either way. So you can imagine how I was, oh, I didnt know which way to turn. I was devastated, you know what I mean. And it carried on, I dont know how long for. How long? I dont know, I dont remember.

It was hard. Like my wife said, weve been married so many years, you know what I mean, and weve been together, you know what I mean. When youve been that close to somebody, Im probably not the only one, you know what I mean, but when you really love somebody, you think, God, how am I going to get through this, if anything happens? you know what I mean. And like I say it was more harder for me because all the years weve been married Ive never looked after any of the finance, you know what I mean. When I got married I was, I dont know, not Jack the Lad, but if I had a pound in me pocket Id spend it. And Im still the same now, you know. So I think to myself, Christ, if anything happened to the wife, how the hell would I go on? You know, Ive never run the house, you know what I mean. She, just I get paid and I say, Right, theres the money and she does it all, pays the mortgage, pays all the bills. I have nothing to do with it, you know.

And you were worried for the future then as well?

Oh, yes, I suppose I was, yes. You know, I thought, Blimey where do I go now? Now what do I do?

It might sound silly to you, I know I said it to the wife, but I did leave you quite a few times, didnt I, you know what I mean, when you was like, and I went to church. I did, I spent a lot of time in church in the hospital. You know, it might sound a bit silly to people, if theres somebody listening to this, but I did honestly, I must admit.

A lot of people did say?

I did honestly. You know, like [my wifes] friend would say, Wheres [husbands name] and she would say, Hell be back in a minute. She knew where I was. So did the girls. You know, I dont know, I dont know.

You went to the chapel in the hospital?

Yes, yes, yes.

And did you speak to the chaplain there at all?

No, I never seen him there at all. It was empty. I was quite happy sitting there and…

And praying?

Yes, I was quite happy, you know. It suited me. Im not a religious person, Im not a great churchgoer, but I do believe, you know what I mean. I sat there for hours sometimes.

And it was a comfort?

Yes, definitely. You know, I dont think theres anything anybody can do when your wifes seriously ill or whatever partners really ill, you know what I mean. Theres, people try to comfort you, like the nurses and doctors, and try and be kind to you, you know what I mean. But its different when youre going through it, you know what I mean, when youve got somebody there I think, you know what I mean. So I dont know. It was very hard, definitely.

You just sit there. And theres nobody else in there. Just solitude, and you can, nice and quiet, I light a candle and you light a candle and you say your piece to the man and, you know.

And that helped you through, especially the time in hospital?

When the wife was in hospital it helped me a hell of a lot, definitely, yes, it did, definitely.