He [husband] chose the clothes. He chose the jewellery. He chose the sentimental bits that our son had. I did nothing of that, I left it completely to my husband. It was his way of doing it and he never regrets that. And its so important, so important.

And how long was the funeral after, how many days after?

Because it was an inquest, because of it happening at home, and because of the severity of it, it was nearly three weeks. But the funeral directors were the most wonderful people. We didnt want a grand affair, we didnt want any cars. We didnt want anybody in black. We didnt want the people, the mourners in dark clothes. We wanted them all to come in ordinary clothes and that was one thing that got my husband through it because there was a lot of planning to do. Whatever he wanted to do I let him do and let him, there was certain things he couldnt do so I would take over with the help of friends again. My parents just couldnt cope with any of it, they were really bad but being so busy, and I made myself so busy for those three weeks.

The funeral was just beautiful, it was again so important that the way wed done it, the way we didnt have to have all this, what I call very rigid rules and harshness, it was so lovely to do it and everybody came in bright clothes. There was yellows and oranges and greens and it was beautiful. The church was just, no expense was spared on the flowers and again it is so important, its important to us and I hope that anybody else listening to this could really be inspired by the beauty of the flowers. It really does help.

Everybody has a different view I suppose about death and how youre going to, whether youre having a burial or a cremation and I think I wouldnt be the person to say, Youve gotta do this, youve gotta do that. Youve gotta follow your heart. And all I know is the way weve done it Ive got somewhere to go, I have got a place to go, I have a place to sit and I find great comfort. Some people cant do it, some people just cant visit a grave but, for us as a family, and its very important because right up until the end my husband did not want this. He wanted the alternative and I just said, I feel that I know you so well. Weve been together for so many years that the burial is the right thing to do for us as a family. And he is so pleased we did because he just, has listened to other people that theyve not had it and he feels that he would never have been able to cope with that. So he is finding the comfort now but its taken a, you know, its a long time down the, well, its not a year yet but its still raw to him at times.

There are days when there is this black cloud. But it might be a song that comes on the radio. It was actually three days ago, I went into my sons bedroom and I hadnt actually noticed but his helmet from his bike was on the floor. And I just picked it up and I just went into complete, I was almost inconsolable. I was sobbing, holding this helmet and I thought, what am I crying for? Am I crying because hes gone? Am I crying that he should be here? I really dont know but it was, it happened. It was good. I put the helmet down, I sat in his room for a while and I came out and I wiped my tears away. And I got on and I dont remember what I did but I didnt have any more to relate to that incident, and that is fine. Whatever you do dont ever hide it. If you feel that you have gotta let that out and you wanna, you have got to just cry. Its all very, you cant be this brick all the time. You have to let it go.

I do feel to keep occupied, to have a purpose in life, you know, whatever it is. A hobby is very, very, it can be anything , you know, I mean it doesnt have to be golf or tennis or swimming, I dont mean to be anything like that, but just have an interest in life because its not doing anybody, yourself, or the person that youve lost any good by just sitting down and crying. And also you have to be careful when youre talking to other people that you make the same mistake by keep bringing the subject up because in the end you can lose friends by keep repeating yourself all the time about the person you love. They know that youve lost somebody. They know how close you were. They know that. You dont want to be in this situation but you are, so to keep permanently reminding that person all the time that, you know, Ive lost somebody and what am I gonna do? And how am I gonna get through this? And how am I gonna cope? Is just no good, they dont wanna hear this, the average person. And I do truly believe youll get on in life better, youll meet more people if you can be more positive because, even though you do meet different people through your life that dont know your tragedy, if you can just sort of skirt it and just tell them thats whats happened, they have a picture in their mind that youve had this person, youve loved them, youve lost them and by making another conversation with them youll have a better relationship with the people.

Because it happened just before Christmas it was a very, very, very difficult time, but for the rest of the family we tried to be as strong as we could. The worst possible time, and I would never hide that from anybody, was sitting at the table and having that empty space. That was really bad, it was a really, a really bad time. And I just dont know what to say to anybody to better that because it happened just before Christmas. We actually didnt do any cards, we didnt do any presents to one another, we just couldnt do it. It was a day that we knew we had to get through whereas it had always been a lovely time. Wed always had lots of friends over, Christmas Day was a big dinner time and listened to the Queens speech but we didnt even do any of that. We tried to do so many different things. We actually didnt have the traditional Christmas Dinner. We all had our favourite food, which in a strange sort of way quite helped. So there was seven of us round the table and everybody had different food. And one of the things I must say about that was, instead of it being a traditional Christmas Dinner which is just one, probably the turkey and all the roast bits that go with it, because there was seven different meals, its rather like being in a restaurant kitchen. So everybodys dinner was prepared and so you were busy, thats the way I thought would be good, so whereas my husband had a steak and I think I had a lamb chop, and so on through the family, it was cooked at different times, it was prepared at different times and actually we tried to make quite fun of it. We were trying to say, Oh this is what they do in the restaurant.

So Christmas came and went. New Year was a very hard time too, but the thing we did, we were with some very close friends and we actually didnt have the television on or the radio on. It was just another day, we didnt celebrate at midnight and I truly believe thats how we got through it, with these friends. It was a lovely evening but we didnt have the necessity, I felt only in my heart that I was leaving that year that Id lost my son behind and I was going into a fresh year. I wanted it to be a continuation so that I still now feel that he hasnt gone in a different year, hes still with us somewhere. And that really helped my husband, it actually helped our friends who were very close to my son. They were the godparents, and they thought it was really nice so thats just a tip for somebody.

Mothers Day and Fathers Day is another big hurdle and I think that will probably, will be with you. Theres not a lot we can do about that. Im not a very keen person on that I dont like, because it happens to be Mothers Day the whole world does it, why not have Mothers Day any day. Just because they say it out there and just because theres a lot of cards in the shop, Im not very keen on that. So if you can try and get over that one, thats only how I dealt with that situation. Of course as yet I havent had the anniversary so thats another hurdle to go but try and make it as a nice, remembering as rather than it being sad. Again try and take the selfishness out of it again. So there are hurdles, there are massive hurdles and theres no right or wrong from it at all. You have to just do whatever it, everybody again is different, but these are just some of the little tips that I could try and pass on to somebody.

And again, you know, we have Easter, everybody has Easter again, the Easter eggs, the cards, dont make a big thing about it. Just its another day really, just another day, and if you can look on it like that and be thankful that youre just here for yet another day in your life.

Ive looked at life a lot different and taken each day as it comes, whereas we used to plan quite a bit in advance, maybe a holiday for instance which was a nice thing to do. I live really now from day to day and if we do go away then it would be, well well go away next week or well go away tomorrow rather than do it a year in advance because, you know, life is so short you just really dont know. And I try not to take things for granted so much. Until something like this happens in your life, you know, you do say, What? Why me? Why has? But there are so many other people out there with much bigger tragedies than what us as a family, to us its our tragedy, but you know, weve been through another tragedy with friends who have lost their husband, child and another ones maimed for life, thats the whole family wiped out. And life is like this all the time so I dont just think of me.

Through that time in Intensive Care, in the relatives room, I found comfort, tried to make my husband as well by talking to other people there. Other people, but nobody as young as our son, it was all older people, mothers, fathers. And we couldnt really compare but we became sort of like wrapped into them and theyd got us sort of through it and said, When he survives well all go out for a drink together, well go out for a meal together.

But I think to be there, it helps to talk to other people that are there. There were several people while we were there that didnt want to talk, we felt that they were in the corner, but there was another couple I met who were very similar to us, and we involved them. We didnt actually talk about the actual incident, we were talking about other things and outdoor life. And suddenly these people came into our little you know not a gang but, you know, to be with us. And it was, they really didnt know what to say at the time but they came out and we all ended up talking about what they did for a living, and it, you know, they actually said to me, Dyou know this has really helped me today.

Ive sat here and Ive not spoken. I dont wanna pick up a magazine. Ive been really down, but listening to how youre doing it. And Im not saying its right, everybodys different, but I truly believe that if you can just try and hang on to the good times that you had with that person that youre losing, rather than looking at the worst time and when theyre so very, very seriously ill or they are fighting for their life, if you can try and keep holding on and on and being more positive it really can get you through.

I wouldve wanted my son back in any state, after all what hed done, whatever medically, but Im then selfish, would my son wanted to come back not being able to speak, not being able to walk, not being able to see? And all this was told to us under the medical team, that this could happen to him. Hes been unconscious for ten days and the brain is a complex piece of equipment, and at the time I said, Anything, just I want him. But you look at life so differently and that wouldve been very selfish because I dont think, in just me and our son, that my son would want to have lived that type of life. So you must not be selfish.

Youve gotta make the distinctiveness between that person has gone and yes you are very sad but to have them back on a condition that could leave them not the person that they actually were originally i.e. my son was completely normal other than having this dreadful, you know, his body functions everything was, you know, working. But after this happened, we were told that parts of the body werent working, would he have wanted that? No. Not at all, not to be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, not to be able to see, not to be, when hes done all those things before. Thats not to say that I would, somebody having a child like that from birth, thats a totally different aspect, totally different.

So again its the selfishness of what I want and what my son wouldve wanted.

It was over three hundred tablets of everything. He went even into tablets that had been lying in the drawer for over a year, stuff of my husbands and myself that he took all that. He was then taken to Accident & Emergency where, that was horrendous because that was, nearly five hours of the doctors and nurses not really telling us anything.

I thought maybe his stomach would be pumped out but it wasnt. They had to know exactly what hed taken, and one of the drugs was so dangerous and the amount hed taken does affect the brain so very badly and, I, we were left in a room and it was only me kept going out and out and calling any doctor, nurse, you know, Hows he getting on? Were dealing with it, hes alright, hes sedated. And then we were brought back in the room, but that was like five days not five hours, horrendous. The only thing at that minute that got me through it a bit was my father was in the opposite wing of the hospital, just had his stones removed from an operation and he was fine and getting through it. And it was just going to be with him in the others part of the hospital which whiled those hours away.

And then I came back again and, it was, still we werent told, by ten oclock that night and this happened at half past one that afternoon. So you can imagine the time was horrendous. We were told he was going to Intensive Care and I thought, I had a relief almost as though he was going to be really taken care of because I knew the doctors and nurses would be watching over him all the time.

That first night I think was really a blur. We stayed and we didnt go home, we stayed the night. And the next morning we were obviously just by his bedside. Through the time he lasted ten days but it was very, very rocky, very up, very down, one doctor telling us that he was going to survive. We had a big black cloud but the other side of the black cloud was the silver lining, and I gave, I really had hopes that this was wonderful. I thought, after about four or five days my husband and I got to know every monitor in Intensive Care. I knew how it operated. I knew what it supposed to be, I knew that what was registering was wrong, that my son was not doing as well as we thought.

His heart stopped a couple of times and they revived him, and he carried on another couple of days. The day before he died we were told that he would pull through, but they were, we werent to know whether he was going to be either any brain damage or certainly liver damage and we were warned, which was another massive step to take. The staff were wonderful I cant wish for a better place. The support was incredible. We chose to stay at the hospital rather than come home. Every time I came home I couldnt cope with being at home. I had to be near him. And other complications set in, pneumonia set in. And on the tenth day he gave up the fight and died.

When they called us through the night on that tenth day they just very, very, the phone rang at three a.m. and you know, its just your gut instinct. And I just knew that something wasnt right that they, I cant remember the words they said but it was, Would you just come to the hospital? I think I thought to myself hes already gone just because they were very calm when the nurse phoned us, and Id really expected the worst when I got there. Yes it wasnt very nice but our son was still alive, just hanging on, but two of the drugs that were taken were acting really so terribly dangerous and there was absolutely nothing they could do. Theyd done everything else, they had I think charcoal was put into his body at some stage that absorbed one of the drugs and it was successful. Another drug had come, completely disper

The one thing I did, I had to, we had an inquest. I had to go and identify, and I never thought I could do that. And I did, and Im glad I did because he didnt have any of the tubes in him and he looked absolutely lovely, absolutely lovely, beautiful skin, face, everything. He was just asleep, just had his eyes closed. A neighbour came with me, my husband couldnt come and, from that day, I wanted to go to see him every day. I then said to my husband, You must go, you have got to go. And he, I, oh I cant, I cant. And then he just went without saying anything to me, he just did it on his own and then I couldnt keep him away. He was there every day, right up until the funeral, he just stayed with him the whole time.

Visiting our son every day was something that I think everybody should do its, I think its really important, really important, because once the funerals here its just far too late and you cant look back and say, I wish Id done it, I wish. Its not frightening, its not nasty. Its just very peaceful and very lovely.

I went back to Intensive Care the following day after losing our son to collect his belongings. I actually took a few deep breaths and I actually opened the door of ITU that Id been in for the last ten days backwards and forwards seeing my son in that bed. And when I got back that day, the following day, there was somebody else in there, somebody else fighting for their life. And I just suddenly looked at life in a different way, this is the other thing in the Intensive Care is that you are cocooned. That world and the world outside, it is a different world. You are totally and utterly in that room with all these people who are fighting for their lives and you dont see anything outside. And thats okay, thats okay at that time but when I went back the following day and my sons not there and theres somebody else in the bed, that is life for you.

So when your son went into A&E thats when the neighbour phoned the people who needed to know?

Yes.

Did they come to the hospital?

Yes immediately, I mean there was too many people really, they just couldnt believe it. And although it was lovely and supportive, it actually got too much. And I really thoroughly recommend that you just dont have too many people like that really round you. I dont know, some people act in a different way. So many of our sons friends, and a girlfriend that we didnt know too much about, arrived and it, although it was nice, it was a bit heart- it was a little bit upsetting just seeing these young people round us when our son was fighting for his life.

I got mixed emotions really. I got cross that, here they were, you know, and asking a million questions yes to be helpful, but I felt like screaming at some times, you know, Go away, leave us alone, youre alive and our son is dying. But you look back and now, as the months go on, you take a different look at it and you think theyre so caring and they didnt, you know, theyre young and they want to ask questions. But at the time you think, oh just leave me alone.