Anna

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Anna was told she was a walking time bomb. Doctors explained very well how serious her situation...

Anna was told she was a walking time bomb. Doctors explained very well how serious her situation...
That was later on. They did it very well. They explained the gravity of the situation but not in a way that would have complete…. I mean every time, it was almost like a drip feeding process. And I mean, it might not work for everyone, but it worked well for me, because it enabled me to process little things at a time, and you know, the paediatricians came and explained what would happen if the baby was born now, at that point. The anaesthetist came in and explained what he would do, and how the decision would be taken as to whether it would be general anaesthetic or whether it could be done by spinal block and you know, if the extent of my bleeding was massive, you know, whether I’d have to be heavily sedated and in Intensive Care for a number of days. And I remember they did explain from day one the possibility of a hysterectomy and all of that sort of thing. So…
Anna had flu-like symptoms and abdominal pain soon after going home with her second baby. She...
Anna had flu-like symptoms and abdominal pain soon after going home with her second baby. She...
Anna developed septicaemia (blood poisoning) very rapidly after birth. She was rushed to hospital...
Anna developed septicaemia (blood poisoning) very rapidly after birth. She was rushed to hospital...
When Anna woke up in intensive care, her partner was delighted. She was concerned to know if...
When Anna woke up in intensive care, her partner was delighted. She was concerned to know if...
After being in intensive care with septicaemia (blood poisoning) for several days Anna felt that...
After being in intensive care with septicaemia (blood poisoning) for several days Anna felt that...
Anna had septicaemia (blood poisoning) and was very weak when she came home. It was hard being...
Anna had septicaemia (blood poisoning) and was very weak when she came home. It was hard being...
And that was a whole new challenge, because it was, it was relief to be around my children, but being around them and not being Mum, not really being Mum. That was hard, you know. The fact that everyone else was looking after him and that I wasn’t, because for me, it’s important to be Mum, it’s important to be that special person because Mum’s are special. No matter who they are, they’re special. And I wanted to be special. I was special to [older son], I wouldn’t, I was like there all the time doing everything for him. I was, you know, I wouldn’t say obsessed but I was really, I loved being a Mum and it was so hard not to be able to do that for [younger son]. And that sort of made me go up and down quite a lot. I found it sort of hard to bond, not that I hated, I never hated him, not once. People ask me, I had a lot of people saying, “Do you resent the baby?” No never. I’d do it all over again, if it meant I could have him, no questions asked. But it was the hard fact that I, mentally couldn’t do it. And physically couldn’t do it, and I was going through so much other stuff that… my whole body and brain couldn’t make sense of, how was I going to be there for somebody else when my body couldn’t even make sense of it myself. But as I got better, I did, I made, like made much more effort and things like that, because I wanted to be that Mum so bad. And I have. You know, we are there now, you know, and it did take a long time, and it does take time. And in this sort of situation they don’t, it doesn’t just happen, you know, and that’s something I found really hard, because I just wanted it to be done, over and done with now.
Anna developed septicaemia (blood poisoning) after her second son was born. She was put on...
Anna developed septicaemia (blood poisoning) after her second son was born. She was put on...
After being in intensive care with septicaemia (blood poisoning), Anna needed a zimmer frame and...
After being in intensive care with septicaemia (blood poisoning), Anna needed a zimmer frame and...
So I was given crutches. I was on a zimmer frame to start off with, to keep my balance and… and then I had crutches to go home with. And that was a whole new challenge, because it was, it was relief to be around my children, but being around them and not being Mum, not really being Mum. That was hard, you know. The fact that everyone else was looking after him and that I wasn’t, because for me, it’s important to be Mum, it’s important to be that special person because Mum’s are special. No matter who they are, they’re special. And I wanted to be special. I was special to [son’s name] I wouldn’t, I was like there all the time doing everything for him. I was, you know, I wouldn’t say obsessed but I was really, I loved being a Mum and it was so hard not to be able to do that for [son’s name]. And that sort of made me go up and down quite a lot. I found it sort of hard to bond, not that I hated, I never hated him, not once. People ask me, I had a lot of people saying, “Do you resent the baby?” No never. I’d do it all over again, if it meant I could have him, no questions asked. But it was the hard fact that I, mentally couldn’t do it. And physically couldn’t do it, and I was going through so much other stuff that… my whole body and brain couldn’t make sense of, how was I going to be there for somebody else when my body couldn’t even make sense of it myself. But as I got better, I did, I made, like made much more effort and things like that, because I wanted to be that Mum so bad. And I have. You know, we are there now, you know, and it did take a long time, and it does take time. And in this sort of situation they don’t, it doesn’t just happen, you know, and that’s something I found really hard, because I just wanted it to be done, over and done with now.
Anna was grateful that doctors were able to leave her with a horizontal scar that was easier to...
Anna was grateful that doctors were able to leave her with a horizontal scar that was easier to...
They ended up having to operate again on the 31st not knowing what they’d find. I had a general surgeon and a gynae surgeon in there, because they were worried that it may have got to my other organs. So they… they went in and removed my left ovary and part of my right and basically gave me a bit of a clean in there to make sure there was no infection. No other infection present. And when they finished the operation and stuff, luckily they went in the same scar, you know, thankfully… Because that sounds really daft, but as a young girl, like for me, like I’ve got to live with this for the rest of my life anyway. So to have a scar that goes across my stomach and I can hide is nice for me rather than, you know, that sort of having a scar going up my stomach for me. It may sound shallow but it’s another thing I have to live with. And you know, it’s all hard to accept as it is, rather than having, hating your body.
Anna's friends and family rallied round while she was in intensive care, but she felt that once...

Anna's friends and family rallied round while she was in intensive care, but she felt that once...
But it is hard you know, when I left hospital people, people just stopped bothering and… I felt I really struggled with friends. I really struggled with people that made false promises, and I’ve still got a lot of upset towards them people that were all round and all there, when I was in hospital. But as soon as I came out they didn’t care. That’s when I really needed my friends. That’s when I really needed people to be there for me. To basically say, you can lose your temper, yes, you can. You are allowed to feel like this. Not made to feel that I couldn’t talk to anybody and I couldn’t, [pause], I had to be positive because I didn’t really have much choice. Like I’d already made a decision that I wasn’t going to let it eat me up. But mentally it was, and it was so hard. It was so hard to get past it and there was no help.
Anna was told by doctors that the antibiotics had not controlled her septicaemia and she would...
Anna was told by doctors that the antibiotics had not controlled her septicaemia and she would...
Anna described how her sex life has changed since her hysterectomy. In some ways it has changed...
Anna described how her sex life has changed since her hysterectomy. In some ways it has changed...
Anna was interviewed 14 months after her hysterectomy. She said that straight afterwards she was...
Anna was interviewed 14 months after her hysterectomy. She said that straight afterwards she was...
Anna developed septicaemia (blood poisoning) at home shortly after giving birth to her second son...
Anna developed septicaemia (blood poisoning) at home shortly after giving birth to her second son...
Yes, last year, was so much the process of it. The what had happened to me, things I’d gone through, you know, because it wasn’t even just like the operation, it was everything I went through in hospital, you know, intensive care, it’s not a nice place to be anyway, so … you know, I had to make jokes, because I had like a urine bag, I had a bag in my bum, I had two drainages. I had all sorts, and you know, you’ve got relatives and stuff coming to see you, you kind of have to make jokes about it. Insider you’re embarrassed and it’s hard to do, you know, when you come out of hospital, I just like I just feel so embarrassed for myself and things like that but I didn’t have a choice, but I think that was hard, the helplessness, thinking about pain, because I can still remember the pain now, and like… remembering… I got told as well, that if I’d have been left an hour, an hour more upstairs, I’d be dead now. So, I don’t know, I think it was because the septicaemia had kicked in already. Yes, so that’s hard, because obviously then start to think, well what if I hadn’t have woken up? How would they know I was dead? How would they know how to help me? And the fact is I just would have died. Nobody would have known because my partner would have come up and just like, “Oh she’s sleeping, bless her.” Do you know, that’s scary. You know, you think I’d been glad that I woke up, you know, and the ambulance and the fact that you know, things torture me, like “Why when I was going in the ambulance, why didn’t I ask for [younger son] to come?” You know, and the fact that [younger son] was in serious danger himself, because I’d been breastfeeding, putting that bacteria into him. And so he had to get treated as well. And like, like now I just think, “Why, why didn’t I just scream and say, “Get my baby with me”?” What, you know, what was, you know, and I punish myself for that, but I wasn’t in any fit state to even know about what was going on. And the brain plays tricks on you I think, because you know, you know I think to myself, why wasn’t I terrified? When they told me I had to have an operation, why wasn’t I..? I had to have a needle put in my neck and I was awake, you know, the size of the needle, you know, it was a big needle. And I think now, I just, I think luckily I just let them do it. I think now if anybody came near me with a needle like that I would, I’d go mad. But I just let them do it, and like for me, it’s really weird thinking that it’s me that was there, because I just so wasn’t. I didn’t think I was going to die. And that was scary because I was so calm. How can you be so calm when you’re faced with death? How? I don’t understand it. Looking back now I think why wasn’t I panicking? Being taken to hospital, being taken in the ambulance. Why wasn’t I panicking? They were using all these big words, you know, that I vaguely knew because I’d done the course at college, so I vaguely knew what they meant. And I knew what they meant, like they weren’t good words. Like tachycardic and stuff like that. A raised heartbeat I think. No I had to have a scan on my heart. Well I had to have all sorts of stuff done. They put a catheter, catheter the wee one, put it in, as soon as I got into hospital, into accident and emergency. So it was like all these things. Why wasn’t I panicking? Why wasn’t I in bits? But I think, you just don’t think like that, your body just, just goes into like a survival mode or something I don’t know. But that, that worried me a lot, like why wasn’t, why wasn’t I scared? Being faced with that. I’m scared now. You know, I’m scared now for me back then. What? You can’t…I can’t make sense
Anna said that it was mentally very hard to get over her experience. The passing of the first...

Anna said that it was mentally very hard to get over her experience. The passing of the first...
It was sort of like I had to reason with myself, and it took, it took the first year. It really did and like once the first anniversary had gone it just feels like now I don’t. It feels like it just takes, it’s a year healing period, and that’s what I feel, that for the first year every month on the date [younger son] was born it would be [younger son]’s nine months, [younger son]’s, you know, [younger son]’s two months, [younger son]’s three months, [younger son]’s four months, oh it means the operation happened on this date. And on Christmas Eve, I was really, I got really upset, a couple of months before Christmas thinking that, how am I going to cope with, with the, you know, I’m just going to end up breaking. But I didn’t. I was really just. I just thought to myself, oh this time last year I was in so much pain, and rather than feeling down about it. I just felt happy because I wasn’t in pain any more. I was with my family for Christmas and it was just so nice. And we had a quiet Christmas together and although I can’t get that last year back, it’s just one of those things that happened and it’s not… The thing about it is you can’t change it. There isn’t really much point in torturing yourself. You know, last year I was happy to torture myself but you do just kind, you do, I mean what I’ve been told like I had to have therapy, and I’m still having therapy and stuff like that to help my brain process what happened. But I’m not ashamed to admit it because it’s hard, it’s hard to accept something like that. And, you know, I thought I was okay. Deep down I mean that I wasn’t and then it just got to a point where I just felt like I was going mad, and I didn’t, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I just, I needed, I need something, but I didn’t know what. But it was just because my brain couldn’t process, I couldn’t accept it. And I still struggle accepting stuff now. But if I wake up and I know I’m having a bad day, I’m having a bad day and I know I’m allowed to feel like that and I don’t punish myself for feeling like that. And I think that’s important. People shouldn’t, people shouldn’t feel bad, you know, because not many people go through things like this. So you, there is no book. There is no rule book, and people shouldn’t make people think like that. Because it’s not fair.
Anna was just 21 when she had a hysterectomy. She remembers lying in intensive care thinking that...
Anna was just 21 when she had a hysterectomy. She remembers lying in intensive care thinking that...
He finally came at 10 o’clock in the morning and it was just like… that feeling I will never forget, of him, you could see how grateful he was. I mean in his eyes you could see how serious it was. How serious it had been for all of them. My Dad, everybody. You could see when they saw me, just how, you know, I sort of saw from them you know, and they told me that people even up in Cornwall had heard about my story. And that they were asking about me. How they were getting floods of phone calls, floods of text messages from people who didn’t even know me. People were talking about it in like garden centres, stuff like that. And people were like oh I know that girl. You know, and it was like a really big thing. And I just sort of made a joke about it. You know, I’m a celebrity and all this sort of stuff and I kept positive. Because when, when on the Intensive Care they give you like an hour for lunch, like when you have to be on your own, and I think that’s when they do like, when they sort of sort all the patients out. You know, when you’re in Intensive Care you tend to like have all sorts of tubes and stuff coming out of everywhere. So my partner had to go home and I remember thinking about, I’ve got a choice now. I can quite easily let this consume me or I can just be positive and go for it, and don’t, don’t let it eat me up. Because it will kill me off if I let it eat me up basically, because you can’t change it. So I decided there and then to be positive about it. But it doesn’t mean to say any of that was easy. But that was my decision.
It took Anna almost a year before she felt she needed to seek help after septicaemia (blood...
It took Anna almost a year before she felt she needed to seek help after septicaemia (blood...
About a year after her septicaemia and hysterectomy, Anna started counselling. She explained how...
About a year after her septicaemia and hysterectomy, Anna started counselling. She explained how...
Anna said that once she left hospital, her friends stopped bothering, and she really struggled.

Anna said that once she left hospital, her friends stopped bothering, and she really struggled.
But it is hard, you know when I left hospital people, people just stopped bothering and… I felt I really struggled with friends. I really struggled with people that made false promises, and I’ve still got a lot of upset towards them people that were all round and all there, when I was in hospital. But as soon as I came out they didn’t care. That’s when I really needed my friends. That’s when I really needed people to be there for me. To basically say, you can lose your temper, yes, you can. You are allowed to feel like this. Not made to feel that I couldn’t talk to anybody and I couldn’t… I had to be positive because I didn’t really have much choice. Like I’d already made a decision that I wasn’t going to let it eat me up. But mentally it was, and it was so hard. It was so hard to get past it and there was no help.