A
Gender: Non-binary / Transfeminine
Pronouns: They / them
More about me...
A came out as non-binary/ transfeminine as a young adult. They had felt uncomfortable about being perceived as male, but they hadn’t heard of transgender until they were older.
They came out to their partner and then told friends as and when it was convenient. A hasn’t come out to their family yet because of their family’s traditional values and beliefs about gender roles and cultural expectations within their community.
A decided they wanted to medically transition and at the same time they accepted they could be wrong in thinking they are trans, but they felt there wouldn’t be a way to find out without trying. They chose a private gender identity clinic based on other people’s experiences and location. They also checked with their own GP that they approved of the clinic. A had a good relationship with their GP which was established during their diagnosis of ADHD and they felt supported and comfortable about going to see their GP about being trans. A’s favourite aspect of the changes that occurred after taking oestrogen patches was the softening of their appearance.
A felt the trans healthcare pathway catered more towards binary trans people and in the early stages of their transition. They felt on their own as a non-binary person navigating their transition. They found it helpful to learn from online communities how other non-binary people managed their transition. A would like NHS gender identity clinics to be more non-binary friendly and more welcoming to different trans experiences and to provide more resources for non-binary people.
To young people who are questioning their gender A says, “sometimes you just need to give it time,” and to know that they are not alone.
A shares inclusive strategies for teachers using names and pronouns.
A shares inclusive strategies for teachers using names and pronouns.
I’ve actually seen some really cool things that teachers do. So I’ve seen some classes where like on the first day of school when you meet the teacher, they’ll give everyone a sheet which is like sort of introduce yourself to the teacher like sheet and it’ll be like, ‘What’s your name that you’re enrolled at in school but like what’s your preferred name? Can I use this name in front of friends, in front of your parents, that kind of thing?’ And then I think that’s just a really, really cool thing to do because it’s like also respecting like that people might not be out as well. Yeah, I can’t think of anything else.
A talks about having to ‘put together bits of information’ for non-binary people and understanding not everything was going to apply’.
A talks about having to ‘put together bits of information’ for non-binary people and understanding not everything was going to apply’.
It’s quite difficult because there’s like no, I think especially for a non-binary person, it’s a lot of sort of putting together bits of information that are scattered around everywhere, like there are some really good resources for non-binary people but they don’t like cover everything I guess yeah.
What kind of resources do you mean?
So I mean there’s like plenty of resources that just give you definitions of lots of things but like, like again, like, knowing the definition of something isn’t like the same as knowing if that applies to you I guess. And then also like, you know, like a lot of trans resources as well are I think catered more towards binary trans people and then, as a non-binary person, it’s I kind of felt like I was reading through all these resources for binary trans people and then I had to like sort of say to myself as I read along, ‘Like this applies to me, this doesn’t, this doesn’t..’ This like,’ or when I was talking about medically transitioning, ‘like this is something I want, these are things I don’t want.’ And I guess it sort of felt that like I’ve got this feeling like for binary trans people there might be this one quite well laid out pathway forward for them, whereas, for me as a non-binary person, it was yeah I felt a lot more like I was on my own and had to work it out for myself which I admit I think that’s partly like because I mean being trans is like a very individual experience and especially for non-binary people even more so but, you know, it’s still quite difficult I think.
I don’t think there’s a lot of kind of healthcare information for non-binary people specifically so it was mostly just finding like resources for trans femme people in general and then like while reading and understanding like not everything was going to apply and then there was a lot of going onto communities and hearing other people talk about their experiences and like their feelings about their own transition process, that kind of thing.
A says ‘a lot of trans resources are catered more towards binary trans people. I was on my own and had to work it out for myself’.
A says ‘a lot of trans resources are catered more towards binary trans people. I was on my own and had to work it out for myself’.
It’s quite difficult because there’s like no, I think especially for a non-binary person, it’s a lot of sort of putting together bits of information that are scattered around everywhere, like there are some really good resources for non-binary people but they don’t like cover everything I guess yeah.
What kind of resources do you mean?
So I mean there’s like plenty of resources that just give you definitions of lots of things but like again, like, knowing the definition of something isn’t like the same as knowing if that applies to you I guess. And then also like, you know, like a lot of trans resources as well are I think catered more towards binary trans people and then, as a non-binary person, it’s I kind of felt like I was reading through all these resources for binary trans people and then I had to like sort of say to myself as I read along, ‘Like this applies to me, this doesn’t, this doesn’t.’ This like,’ or when I was talking about medically transitioning, ‘like this is something I want, these are things I don’t want.’ And I guess it sort of felt that like I’ve got this feeling like for binary trans people there might be this one quite well laid out pathway forward for them, whereas, for me as a non-binary person, it was yeah I felt a lot more like I was on my own and had to work it out for myself which I admit I think that’s partly like because I mean being trans is like a very individual experience and especially for non-binary people even more so but, you know, it’s still quite difficult I think.
A values the mental health staff at university and explains how they have been ‘really supportive’.
A values the mental health staff at university and explains how they have been ‘really supportive’.
I mean I guess just at University there were plenty of like LGBT resources and support and then there’s also kind of yeah there really isn’t a shortage of trans friendly like mental health people either, like mental health professionals either so… yeah I guess like the sort of, like counsel, as in welfare staff at University have all been really nice and really supportive and I did kind of, when I was coming out, I did sort of mention that I was like trans and then they were very adamant to reassure me that it was all going to be fine and not cause any issues so that made me feel a lot more comfortable and then yeah I guess, aside from that, yeah I’ve always kind of felt that there’s like going to be support if I need it.
A talks about their Chinese background and the ‘emphasis on traditional values and gender roles’.
A talks about their Chinese background and the ‘emphasis on traditional values and gender roles’.
I think, yeah, I think coming from like an ethnically Chinese background, there is a lot more sort of like emphasis on like traditional values and like sort of gender roles there. Yeah so that’s made me like, that’s kind of like the reason why I haven’t come out to my family yet. Also because like, yeah, currently in China, like LGBT relationships aren’t really taken seriously at all. There’s actually this thing in China where gay Chinese men will marry like lesbian Chinese women to put on like this face of like having a family and being like a heterosexual marriage and then they’ll go off and like have their own like relationships on the side of that and then the situation with trans people isn’t much better.
A says ‘a lot of the queer phobia in China and Asia’ comes from the U.S and the Western world.
A says ‘a lot of the queer phobia in China and Asia’ comes from the U.S and the Western world.
I guess like it is kind of, is it sort of like a generational issue that just kind of needs time. But also, I think like a lot of the queer phobia in China and Asia especially that kind of comes from like the U.S and like the Western world. Like, so maybe what like 60, 70 years ago, like last century, China would actually have been like a really accepting place for like gay and lesbian people and like gender diverse people and then I think yeah just like historically speaking it was when the American influence that really took over and then there was a lot of homophobia included with that, that like China kind of internalised that same kind of homophobia as well. So, I think just when there is kind of generally more acceptance like especially in the West of trans people I think that will follow.
A talks about their experience getting a diagnosis for ADHD and finding the right medication.
A talks about their experience getting a diagnosis for ADHD and finding the right medication.
Yeah so like basically when I got a diagnosis for ADHD and I was trying out medications like the doctor who was sort of helping me find the right medication kind of said that like, “There’s no, once you’ve like said that you’ve like got all of these symptoms that might be like related, then there’s no way to actually confirm the diagnosis other than trying the medication and seeing if it works and then if it works then yeah I probably did have ADHD.” I think having gone through that process, it made that a lot easier.
If at most there’s a bit of worry about like mood swings from E and like my medication which is yeah, my ADHD medication which is really, really good for productivity and things but does sort of give me anxiety a bit. Then again, it’s sort of like the sort of cost/benefit thing because the side effects aren’t bad enough to, yeah outweigh the benefits but there’s definitely still concerns there.
A says the resources at most sexual health clinics ‘are really cisnormative and heteronormative’.
A says the resources at most sexual health clinics ‘are really cisnormative and heteronormative’.
I think I’ve had mostly poor experiences. Most sexual health clinics and resources are really cisnormative and heteronormative, and kind of assume that anyone with a penis is using it for penetrative sex? And all the resources I’ve read on STIs assume heterosexual sex, and only occasionally mention gay/lesbian sex in passing. The one good experience I’ve had, which was with an online STI testing clinic, asked for my gender identity and genital configuration separately, and that of my partners, and then gave advice on the best course of action based on those instead of assuming anything.