Finding positives after having a burn

This section covers:

  • Re-evaluating what matters
  • Becoming stronger and more resilient
  • Helping others in similar situations

People who have been burnt, or have children who have had a burn, will experience lots of different emotions whilst they are recovering and beyond. We spoke to some people who, with time, felt that there were some positive outcomes throughout their lives, which were often unexpected.

Several people recounted how, over time, they reflected on their burns and began to see them as a source of positivity in their lives in various ways. Claire’s approach was to “try to look for the positives because there always are [some] in any situation and [in] how you’ve come through it”.

Though she recognises that feeling positive about a burn may seem “crazy” to others, Helen Y says she is glad the burn happened now.

Re-evaluating what matters

Many people shared stories of personal growth and positive behaviour changes after a burn. Frazer told us that at the time he was burnt he was a smoker. He was told by a doctor that he would likely need a skin graft on his burn unless he gave up smoking, because a side-effect of smoking is constricted blood vessels and less blood flow due to nicotine. As he did not want a skin graft, he quit smoking and saw this as a positive outcome of the burn. In general, Frazer says he now is “taking better care of myself”, including moisturising his skin more.

Frazer quit smoking after he was burnt to avoid having a skin graft.

I remember bringing this machine in that sort of they take a double check the oxygen levels in your blood, the blood circulation or something. And I think this is one reason I look so bad. You know, I’m not saying I think about positively about the burn, but I sort of associated give up smoking or vaping with the burn because they wanted to do a skin graft and I was so adamant. I wasn't going to have one.

I remember the doctor coming in just saying “Do you smoke?” I said, “Yeah”. And I think he said to me “That's such a silly thing. You're killing yourself but anyway, if you give up smoking there's a chance you may not need a skin graft”. And so, I just completely, you know, kicked it in the can there and then.

I hadn’t that much to focus on, you know. that would have been a time would have been hey, I would have been bored. a), I would have been smoking more anyway, and b), it’s quite a stressful ordeal anyway. So to have just, you know, gone cold turkey and done it that way it was such a help and relief because it almost proved to me I can go through stress ordeals without a cigarette, you know.

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Sarah told is how being apart from loved ones whilst in hospital, or attending many appointments, made them value time spent together all the more. Charlotte said she is “so grateful” for her life and the people she values in it, including her family.

When Gary was burnt as a teenager, he had to reevaluate his career choices due to the severity of his burns. He could no longer pursue his dream of being a professional footballer as he had to have a lower leg amputation. Initially, Gary found it difficult to accept his burns, but he now views them as a blessing.

Gary believes he would never have experienced certain opportunities if he hadn’t been burnt.

So, in a way, I do sometimes see it as like a blessing in disguise. But it’s only for the fact that I lost a friend in it that maybe that it’s not a blessing.

Because, again, it was like, I was going down the wrong path kind of thing and it was like something needed to happen, or I could have potentially ended up dead.

Again, it was like the mindset I had before this was, a lot of the time was ‘Why has this happened to me?’ Do you know what I mean?’ Why has the world done this to me?’ And again, it’s, oh I don’t know. But again, I feel I’m more, I can accept what’s happened more rather than looking for reasons why it happened and, do you know what I mean? Because that’s how I see it now, it’s happened but I also feel that, although it was like a massive negative, I also feel that, but again, that’s turning it into a positive, that a lot of the things that I’ve done in my life, since having the accident, I would have never had the opportunity to do, if I wouldn’t have had, like, the accident.

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Some people were able to accept their scars and their appearance more generally after they were burnt. They saw this as part of their uniqueness, and they viewed this as a positive. Many of the people we spoke to told us that having a burn made them view appearances as “unimportant”. Charlotte believed that it is what is on the inside of a person and their personality that makes them “beautiful”.

Rhian sees her scar as “part of me”, and an experience that has made her more confident.

Like, in one way, I can’t wait to get married and to be holding a bouquet with my burn on my arm because that’s part of me and I want to have photographs with me looking at my right side so you can see my burn, like … and that’s probably one of the strangest things but that’s me. That’s part of me and that’s one of my experiences and it’s made me confident, I guess.

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For Justyn, a turning point was exploring tattooing options. This helped him realise “that my scars were beautiful”.

So, I went to look … explore that route in my self-care journey and understanding who I was, and my scars journey, and I actually went to a practitioner, and she saw my scars on my chest and my body and she said she wouldn’t operate on them or do anything or camouflage. She said that I should – if I wanted to – add tattoos to my scarring, since they’re legacy scars, since they’ve been so long on my body, to enhance the fact. And she really said she loved the kind of texture and the story of the scars and what it brought. So, for me that was a turning point and in that moment I realised that my scars were beautiful, and they have power, and I can use it to create good and really enhance my journey rather than kind of hide away. But I didn’t begin the journey to hide away, I began it to do self-care but through the journey I found like a power and deeper meaning in it.

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Becoming stronger and more resilient

Many of the people we spoke with believed they were more resilient because of their burns. There was a sense of life being easier after being burnt because, by comparison, other challenges would be significantly easier to deal with.

Jasmine, whose child had a burn, feels more equipped to deal with challenging situations as a parent.

In relation to your parenting style and your behaviour as a parent, have you found any aspects of parenting more difficult because of the burn?

No. No, in fact, you become more courageous and more resilient.

Ok, could you talk a little bit more about that?

Well, you’re accustomed to dealing with an emergency. You have the shock of one and, if it happens again, you know you have that experience of ‘How am I going to manage this? How am I going to deal with this in a non-panicked way?’ So, it’s like trying anything out for the first time. Riding a bike, you know, you’re going to fall off the first time or maybe not do it so well but when you get back on the second time, your muscle memory is a little bit more attuned to how to manage it.

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Raffaella and Helen Y both spoke about how being burnt has helped them to be more independent and resilient.

With time, Mercy came to accept that her burns make her who she is, and she is more resilient because of them.

In terms of your experience of having a burn injury, do you think that your experience has changed over time? Has who you are as a person changed over time because of the burn?

Oh definitely, definitely, yeah. Because you are dealing with so many emotions at the same time, and sometimes it can totally alter who you are. So, I think for me, definitely I have changed, I have gone through every kind of anger, every kind of frustration, depression, all of them, I’ve gone through all of those right? And so, I think they have changed me as a person and who I used to be before. But with time, because obviously my burn injuries they are longer in terms of how long I’ve had them, I have attended so many like, maybe workshops, or reached out to different people, met so many other burn’s survivors, I have now come to realise that, you know, some of these things, like feeling angry because ‘oh now I look different, people look’, some people actually, you know, because sometimes you can meet people who are not nice to you in terms of the physical appearance, they will sometimes stare at you, they will sometimes say bad things to you.

But with time, I think I’ve come to accept that this is who I am now. And in a way actually sometimes, I look at it like when I attract attention to people, I have ways now to cope with this in terms of instead of being angry, I actually tell them my story, if there is time. Or, I just say something nice to them and in turn they actually listen to you, and they end up being nice to you, even though they probably are being in a not a very nice way. Yeah, so in general, I would say it changes you and, I think for me it has made me very resilient.

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Some parents whose children were burnt believe the experience had made them a more resilient parent. Gary believes his burns have made him a better parent because he is more open to learning about new things.

Helping others in similar situations

Some people we spoke with told us they felt their burns had guided them into careers and volunteer roles where they can help other people.

Gary volunteers with the fire service who saved his life after he was involved in a road traffic collision.

Once I’ve come out of hospital and that I wanted to give something back to the fire service, so when I was actually on a Princes Trust course that was being run by two firemen and we got talking and that and I was telling them how I want to give something back to the fire service and they said ‘Well, there is a voluntary arm of the fire service, it’s called the Community Action Team, would you like me to arrange an interview for you?’ So, I said ‘Oh yeah, we’d love that.’ Anyway, I went for the interview, like got taken on and all that and then, within three months of volunteering for the Community Action Team I got nominated and won The Most Valued Member of the Fire Service.

So, but again, it was like when I joined the fire service and just being in the environment with the-, it was just because of the affiliation that I had, especially with the fire station that it was, because it was the fire station that pulled me from the car, so it felt like ‘I’m home.’ Do you know what I mean? This is where I needed to be kind of thing. And from just the confidence that being around people that was always like ‘Oh, aren’t you doing well?’ or just always bigging me up kind of thing, that really raised my confidence and, yeah.

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Several people told us how they were more empathetic because of what they had been through, and this helped them to understand the feelings of others better.

Charlotte views her empathy as a gift.

There's so much that you can use from it that's positive. So, you get so much more empathy for what people go through. You've experienced something, so you have so much, I’m trying to be so eloquent. How can I say it? I think, yeah, so it's having the empathy which is it's been a massive gift for me to actually be able to know and pick up on later. You can see when other people are upset or when other people are suffering, and I’ve definitely become more aware of that as an adult with what I’ve been through. But also, to have that understanding of how it can feel to be different is actually really good. It's actually really nice as an adult when you're actually having to connect with all different people. You can actually connect with so much more, you know. It's another depth. You have got more depth when you get older from having that experience that you can draw off. You know, just what you're capable of as well for having got through that you've got so much more. Like, you know what you can get through to it.

There's not much more that you can go through in life. That's going to be worse than that, and so once you're past that point, it's like, you know, life's going to be easy once you feel-, and it doesn't matter. Like nobody's perfect, and physical appearance is just so unimportant really because, you know, what's beautiful is actually what's inside as well. And it doesn't have to change anything. It doesn't have to be such a negative for your life. It actually can be once you're through the worst bit, it can actually be such a growth thing for you.

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A few people we spoke to expressed how “giving back” to the burns community was important to them. Claire believes that having a burn has made her stronger and more equipped to help others.

Justyn explained how he uses his social media platforms to connect with other people who have scars.

I realised that it makes me kind of unique and different, and it’s opened so many doors, it’s enabled me to connect to people on a deeper level and help people and help younger people than me, who are at an age where they understand their scars and may have had traumatic experiences surrounding it and live in a world where they have access to different images constantly, which can affect their cognitive and their self-esteem and social anxiety. So, I really use my platform now to try to combat those negative thoughts and really show a different society and how you can live with scars, but you can be proud about it and do amazing things, which society, and which sometimes people don’t think they can do. Or, are a bit shy because of their body looks different to everybody else’s.

So that’s where I kind of stand on it but, as I said again, I have to realise that my scars are different placement, different textures, different skin tones. I have to navigate them differently to a lot of people we all have to. So, when I think of my scars happening to me it’s something which I wouldn’t change just because of the opportunities and the connections I’ve made with my scars, which hasn’t hindered who I am today and who I want to be.

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