Troy – Interview 43

Troy first experienced anxiety and depression when he was 21. At his mother’s encouragement, he saw a GP, who referred him to a psychotherapist and prescribed antidepressants. After several months of counselling and medication, Troy felt sufficiently well to cease both forms of therapy. With his family’s help he started an Honours year at university, and feels much more settled. Troy says he learned some useful strategies for managing his mental health in future.

Troy grew up in a regional town in a close family, with two brothers. His parents are ministers in a Christian church, and brought their sons up to be open with their thoughts and feelings, accepting of difference, and to value committed relationships. This platform of respect and communication enabled Troy to successfully handle an episode of bullying at high school, to develop close relationships with friends and family, and to confidently come out when he was 18 and had come to terms with his homosexuality.

However, the values he had absorbed from his family meant that he struggled in his first romantic relationship, as his partner had different views on sex and commitment and a different approach to communication. In addition, Troy believes that there may be a predisposition to mental health problems in his family, with a number of close relatives having experienced or been diagnosed with depression or bipolar disorder. In Troy’s view, the problems he encountered in his relationship with his first boyfriend triggered his depression.

Previously a high-achieving student, one of the signs that things weren’t right was that Troy’s marks began to drop. He also started experiencing panic attacks, would have difficulty falling asleep, would cry easily, felt very flat, and experienced a sense of entrapment and stasis in terms of his relationship. Noticing these changes in her son, his mother became concerned and encouraged him to visit his GP. Troy had also tentatively explored depression on the internet and wondered if this might explain his symptoms, so was open to the suggestion.

After completing a symptom checklist, Troy’s GP diagnosed him with depression. He then referred Troy for counselling using a mental health plan, and prescribed a low dose of antidepressant medication. The psychotherapy was useful in helping him work through the relationship issues that were bothering him, develop some tools for managing anxiety;, and strengthen his sense of self. Soon after he started counselling, Troy decided to end his relationship. This proved a positive step and gave him a renewed sense of control. He also started his Honours year, which he found intellectually stimulating and helped him re-engage with his studies. After three or so months, Troy felt well enough to stop his medication, and after he;d completed the set number of counselling sessions felt no need to continue.

Although Troy believes that mental illness is still stigmatised as compared with physical illness;, he understands depression as having a significant biological component, and is very open about his experience. He found the diagnosis helpful in enabling him to do something; about the way he was feeling, believes the experience expanded his self-awareness, and is now confident that should depression or anxiety become a problem for him again in the future, he knows where to turn for assistance and support.

Troy commented that societal attitudes towards depression were changing, but there was still…

Age at interview 22

Gender Male

Age at diagnosis 21

Yeah, it’s interesting. I mean I had one of the, one of the girls in my course, she also had depression and I think actually there’s a few that have had it. I think there might be three at least, so me and another girl and another girl. There’s 11 of us in our class so, and I haven’t asked anyone, they’re the ones that have actually, it’s just come up. But I was talking to her how, you know, even still, even like even talking to her in that situation at – like it’s a couple of months ago so I don’t know her that well yet. But, you know, even actually saying the word depression – for me it still does hold a lot of stigma and, and that surprises me when, you know, in general I’ve try, I try to be quite open about it.

But and I do, like I do actually tell people quite a lot still, but there’s still a feeling inside me, I wonder how people will react? So there’s an awareness of it, even if it’s not going to stop me talking about it.

So why is that? What do you think?

Yeah. I mean, I think mental health has that image – fully, and it’s, they’re changing. I think the image is trying to be changed, there’s, but it still certainly does have it, doesn’t it? Ah. I think for me though, I mean the interesting thing is that I always describe something like depression, well at least not necessarily when I describe it. But when I say that word it has the connotations of what I feel are, you know, are biological mechanisms for it. But maybe people in the wider community don’t have that perception so then that it’s, you know, it’s all in their head or, you know, that kind of cliché.

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Troy described a complex set of factors contributing to his experience of depression.

Age at interview 22

Gender Male

Age at diagnosis 21

But, it was all, directly related or I guess, triggered to, by a relationship that I’d been in for the previous year. And it actually culminated after I started on the medication and to going to the psychotherapist, with me ending that relationship. And that was my first boyfriend, and there were just lots of issues around anxiety, which at this point in time actually seem, you know, quite a lot more trivial but at that time they were, really important.

There’s a family history of depression. I mean my dad was a little bit suspected but never diagnosed I guess and perhaps my older brother. But my dad’s auntie, Dad, my dad’s sister, sorry, has bipolar and his other sister I’m not sure exactly what. But yeah, she’s a little fruity. And, yes, my grandma as well I think was suspected of having pretty bad postnatal. And of course that’s all really interesting for me because of what I do, tracing it all back.

But, so bullying I guess the sources were, you know I was quite small and not very small, very smart, you know, not particularly – bit unusual. Sometimes it felt like, it was never, I mean in terms of, I had anxiety about my sexuality at that point I think. But, well may, bit later maybe but, I mean, I didn’t actually come out until I was 18 so that was after school. Because that environment wasn’t something that I was comfortable with at that, like that school environment certainly wasn’t something I was comfortable with.

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For Troy and his mother the internet helped in identifying the nature of Troy’s experiences and…

Age at interview 22

Gender Male

Age at diagnosis 21

All I looked at, and this was before I think even Mum suggested it actually, was the [mental health NGO] website. It was just under like, you know, things like symptoms and stuff and I was just like, oh yeah , oh yeah , oh yeah. That’s, you know – that was with, my best friend. Yeah, we were, I can remember that. We were just sitting on the bed or whatever looking at it, and then there was Mum’s suggestion. That might have been after Mum suggested it actually but before treatment, yeah. Because I remember, because Mum suggested it sort of the Christmas Eve and then I went away for a while over to [country name] and then came back. And then we decided to start treating, to go the GP. So I think it was in that period where I was with my friend looking at the website. And Mum did a whole lot of stuff [laughs], I think she went, started trawling through the internet and stuff, to find stuff out.

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Troy talked about the benefits of knowing his experience was not unique, and of psychotherapy.

Age at interview 22

Gender Male

Age at diagnosis 21

So is there anything that you would like to give as an advice to other people experiencing similar problems that you went through?

It’s funny, I’ve never really thought about that question actually. I guess, I think I’ve – and I don’t know – I think I’ve felt that my experience is relatively unique, but it’s probably not.

robably my biggest advice is that, would be the helpfulness of psychotherapy. I think the, I think, and, you know, certainly in the, work that I’ve come across this idea of counselling or psychotherapy being for something pathological really scares or puts off people. whereas I think actually everyone could probably do with a good little bit of psychotherapy so that they can start becoming a little bit more aware of how they’re actually acting in the world.

So I think possibly if I was saying to people in the same situation, get on the mental health plan, it’s a really helpful thing, and go and see a psychotherapist. Yes, I hadn’t thought about it but that’s what, yes, a good thing.

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