The only other criticism is the way they let you into the ward [ICU], I completely understand that you cant go in just when they let you in whatever time. But because you have to ring a bell and wait for somebody to answer, I know they dont answer because theyre doing something else, once youd been in, you understand why. But that first visit, youre left in the hall, having rung the bell and not knowing what to do, not knowing whats happening, and I think if they had always somebody on reception, you know, that understood how people were feeling.

As soon as you get in its fine but its just the getting in.

And did you have to wait for a while?

Yes. And then you have to wait because I got there at change of shift. And, you know, youre beside yourself at that point, because you dont know whats happened. You dont know if theyre dead or alive. When they do come and see you, they take you into a side room and they explain everything really clearly, with a nurse and a doctor and thats amazing as well. And then they explain to you that youre going to get a shock when you see them. You know that theyre going to say that but you still get a shock. And then you dont know what to do because you havent got used to it. And you dont know the routine and youre worried that youre going to upset the nurses and the doctors. Strangely thats how you feel, that you might be in the way or you might tread on a pipe or something.

And then when you come back in again, sometimes some of the nurses forget you. So you ring the doorbell again, back to this access thing. I wasnt because I would walk in after a while and Id think, Well Im just going to walk in and ask somebody. But I know my partners parents who arent quite so forward were sometimes sitting in that little waiting room for about two hours because people had forgotten they were there and they didnt want to bother anybody. And of course they think somethings wrong.

I would get somebody who can sort your normal out for you, your domestic life out for you, someone that you trust. Realise that you cant do it, that you cant cope, you cant look after your house, your garden, your children, your washing. You just cant do it. And if youre a very independent person you need to not be. And you need to be completely selfish. You have to say, No, I dont want you to come, or, I do want you to come, and you dont worry about somebody taking time off work or whether theyve got to give you a lift, you just, youve got to keep yourself going, for the nurses as well as for the patient, because theyve had to find out about him through you and if youre just going to be useless, I dont think its very helpful for anybody [laughs].

I asked them if it was life threatening, which is the first thing you actually want to know because when theyre building up to telling you whether it is or it isnt, youre not listening to that. First of all you want to know. And theyre completely honest and they said, Yes, its life-threatening and you need to call his parents. And so then you think, Oh okay. And then you want to say, Well, when wont it be like life-threatening and you know, they said, The next forty eight hours is critical. But actually the whole time youre in ITU, its critical because theyre unconscious the whole time and he was there was thirteen days. But you get used to that And then you dont ask anymore.

And they explain to you that you have to do it well I decided you have to do it day by day. You cant ever ask what the future might be because you cant cope with it. And I think if you can grab that and they do try to explain it to you. And theyre quite pessimistic which because I think they think people otherwise just ignore it and they dont get it. But if you can stop thinking right well this is a you know, its fine you can do it. Its just your new way of life and thats how it has to be. Its the only way you can get through it.

You think that youre on your own, you know, youre wandering around phoning everybody for the first time. You think, I am completely on my own. And then people start to arrive and its not so bad. I had other difficult circumstances to deal with which other people wouldnt have. So there are all sorts of extra stress going on. But I didnt think beyond the day. And the days that I did, I did have a couple of times when I was upset when I was in the ward, with him, then I would leave in case he could hear. And one night, the nurses I think probably spent longer with me than they did with him. And they were fantastic. And you stop feeling embarrassed about looking awful and crying in public really [laughs]. It just isnt an issue. Youre frightened. Youre absolutely terrified that theyre not going to live, thats really your thought, you know, if you let yourself think it.

When he first got to ITU he was conscious, how scared he must have been because he knew how ill he was and what they were about to do. And he had a massive lung bleed, which he doesnt remember, but he mightve at that point been thinking. Well where is she? Very worried about the parent thing. And he did manage to say to the doctors, either I had to be next of kin and he made them realise how important that was and he told them that his parents didnt know. So they were fantastic about that. Because its another thing for them to have to deal with, the staff.

And for you?

Oh yes. It was just awful.

Yes. So you were the next of kin?

Yes.

And how did you deal with the parents and everything?

I phoned his brother when I got to ITU. I needed his telephone number because I couldnt I didnt have the number. And so I just phoned his brother and said you have to get here. You have to get your parents here and Im not going anywhere [laughs].

It must have been a shock for them because it happened so, so suddenly?

Yeah. Yeah, they had all that to take in as well. But we didnt actually tell his parents until he woke up.

A lot of people do say that it makes them look at life differently have you made you mentioned work, have you made any other changes to life or your attitudes towards life, have they changed or?

Yes. Well he told his parents about our relationship. Weve been together for ten years and they didnt know. And hes proposed and so were going to get married. And were having a wedding for his parents and then one for us. So it has and I mean especially for [my partner] , whos now not living a lie to his parents, I think that helped his recovery enormously because you realise whats importantyou know. And you want to shout at everybody else for not realising whats important [laughs]. I hope it lasts. I hope we dont go back to just you know, forgetting about it.