And how about Connect? Can you talk about Connect?

HusbandYes.

WifeYes.

HusbandSpeech. English speech’

WifeMainly he want to know the paper, newspaper, what’s going on, he want to know all the newspaper, what they say and I think he likes the communication group or news.

HusbandUh huh.

WifeAnd I think they sit together and the tea speech therapy explain about one topic in the paper, you know. Hes quite, quite interest in sports. He loves cricket and sports or anything they pick about some time with medical, about stroke or something or, yes, hes quite, he said it’s worth it to go there.

And is it helpful to meet other people with communication problems’

HusbandYeah.

‘at Connect?

HusbandMm hmm.

Good to share your experiences?

HusbandMm hmm.

WifeI think after the stroke he likes to be mingle with the people who have the same problem I think so. He likes to go these.

HusbandRegister.

WifeOK. He used to register the people who attend the class [laughs].

WifeYeah. I think it is hard. Before we, I would tell the other people, before something happens, you have to be look after your health first, you know. You have to help, at least you have to go for the regular check-up. Like [my husbands] family, they all have this cholesterol problem or high blood pressure. It’s a family hereditary. My brother advises as a doctor, he advise every 6 month his family need to go for the check-up, every 6 month they have to have a blood pressure test and a cholesterol test as well. So something happen after that, we can’t bring him back as 100 per cent as we possible but we try to avoid other stroke. We can prevent but we can’t do anything about it, yeah, and we have to be, whoever look after the person need to be patient. Time is the healer, I think so.

Initially how did you manage? With a’

WifeHaving a bath and all?

HusbandEm.

WifeBath.

HusbandHospital

WifeThey, they help.

HusbandThey. Yes.

WifeThe four month rehabilitation, because I can’t stay with him, I only go for a certain time and sit with him and talk to him and when he was sleeping and all this, they said I know your feelings but try to be independent, you know, don’t help him a lot, you know, he need to be independent. That’s the way they treat him, you know, they, they want him to do many thing as possible, you know. So I always, because in our culture, we always, you know, as soon as somebody is struggling, we trying to help them, if he can’t drink so I, we are feeding, we are trying to feed him and they said, don’t treat him like a child, let him do it, you know, and I remember that.

So you were encouraged to wash yourself?

HusbandYeah. Yes.

And was that good?

HusbandYeah. Yes.

Yes.

HusbandHmm.

WifeAnd still when I go to the festival or wherever I go, take him, people said hes going to fall, you know, why can’t you go with him but the thing is he doesn’t like to treat him as a child, you know, somebody is behind me, it’s irritate for him, you know. So I remember his feeling the beginning I was behind him all the time but he doesn’t like it at all, you know, when I walk behind him and we I try and help him, he doesn’t like. So nowadays I be calm and sit and I let him do whatever he wants but people think I’m not interested to help him or what, why can’t you go and help him but I know his feeling. He doesn’t want help, you know, it’s irritated for him, isn’t it?

HusbandMm hmm.

WifeHe doesn’t like it at all [laughs].

And how is your walking now?

HusbandWalking, I’ walking road slowly, slowly.

So you can walk?

HusbandYes.

In the house?

HusbandYeah. Library. Library’ Walk.

WifeAround 20 minutes he can walk round.

And do you use a stick at all?

HusbandYes. Yeah. Stick. Yes. Yes.

And what’s good about the stick?

HusbandBalance. Balance stick.

WifeConfidence.

HusbandConfident.

WifeWithout, without stick he is’ you know, stumbles sometimes. But with stick, he is more confident.

HusbandHouse stick not’ me walking sticks.

WifeOutside of, you know, he need it more. It’s like glasses nowadays, you know, it’s very important for him. One day he will forgot to take the stick and he was so upset. We went to Switzerland to see my family and he was so upset. We forgot, early morning flight, it was early morning, 5 o’clock or something, so we left the stick at home. It was so, he was so upset, then my brother bought it, stick over there and after that he become calmed down. It’s like glasses, you know, it’s like one of the part, one part of his, part is like that, you know. It’s very important.

WifeHe had a, yes, the therapy, you know, he had a speech therapy, is wonderful, you know, the lady was so, so nice with him and then, you know, they tried their best, you know. I know it’s really hard with stroke people, you know, they get angry quickly, you know, they very patient with [my husband] and it was, yeah, it was, you know, they start from 1, the numbers and little, first they start with signing, you know, he signed, you know, he forgot the signs so they said start from the beginning, so they started the sign, how to sign [my husband], so he started slowly and after that numbers slowly one by one. It was wonderful. Respect the speech therapy more than the doctors, you know. I was sitting with him and I will see how they, you know, bring the words out from the people, you know, who cannot speak, you know, very patiently, so this, is not, this is not, because we try and help him but they are trying to bring the words from, you know, them first, you know. It was wonderful, this is really. I respect them and that, you know. Really amazing job speech therapy I told my daughter one day if you could, you could become a speech therapist. Yes.

Was there, you said earlier that there was maybe a problem with your memory to start with?

WifeYes, it was, he wasn’t the beginning when he had a stroke, nearly three weeks, you know, one day it was the saddest time for me my, because my brother was asking, ‘Where is your child?’, ‘I don’t know. He says, ‘You don’t remember the child, you don’t remember me It was the saddest time. After three weeks, slowly, slowly he was improve.

WifeMm hmm. Only thing is before the stroke, [my husband] was such a wonderful father. He never letting sit on the floor, always he is carrying and giving, you know, and teaching her, you know, like Tamil, English and taking her to the park and everything.

HusbandLibrary.

WifeLibrary, park, every day the library, park and things. After the stroke, he doesn’t like the screaming noise, you know, child sometimes playful, sometimes screaming, you know. He doesn’t, he said, ‘Take the child away from me [laughs] and he was so angry. When he says that, then I took, took my daughter to upstairs in the room and I play with her. My mother-in-law staying with him downstairs to talk to him and giving tea, cup of tea or whatever. I play upstairs with my daughter. After few minutes later, he will be fine or after one hour later because I think the mood will swing, you know, time to time, you know.

HusbandSpeech

Wife That’s the reason.

HusbandYeah. Yeah. Angry’ speech. Angry.

Ah. That made you angry?

HusbandYeah. Yes.

With everybody and your daughter?

HusbandYeah.

That’s hard.

And do you find that it’s easier to talk in Tamil than it is in English?

HusbandYes. Yeah. Tamil go-good

WifeEnglish is hard. Second language is always hard. But he, now hes more anxious to know, he wanted to talk English more than Tamil because he thinks hes OK with Tamil, communicate with me and the child. Then he go out or he want to be more independent, he wanted to go out and do the shopping or he wanted to go himself anywhere, he wanted to talk to other people but he need English. So hes thinking if someone could help me or some, or somehow I have to talk English, and hes, very anxious nowadays. It’s really hard for him.

Between the family, do you mainly talk in Tamil?

HusbandYes.

WifeTamil, yes.

HusbandHmm.

WifeMm hmm.

WifeBut what he says, he always the, says the prayers all the time. The prayers comes one by one. He used to sing in, in the temple festival, he used to sing. All the prayers come one by one but he couldn’t bring the words, you know, sentence clearly. Then I ask the doctor why it’s like that. Then they said the prayers in the different part of the brain, like singing prayers is different speaks. You have to bring words together. That’s part of the brain is damaged for him they say.

So with the prayers, can you still speak the, the prayers?

HusbandYes.Yes.

WifeClearly.

And you can still sing?

HusbandYes.

WifeYes.

HusbandUh huh. Cartoons, car.

WifeCar

HusbandYeah.

WifeYeah. This is really helpful.

HusbandTV. TV’ cassette, CD.

Can you hold it up to show the camera?

WifeDo you want to show it to the camera?

So you can use the, the cartoons to’

HusbandYeah.

‘to point out?

HusbandMmm. Floppy. Floppy’

WifeFor the disk.

HusbandDisk.

WifeCD.

HusbandC mmm computer’

And where did you get the cartoons?

WifeFrom? Where did you get it from?

Husband[The local hospital] speech therapy.

From the speech therapy?

HusbandYeah. Uh huh.