So describe to me what the treatment was like?
It. When we first went for the appointment to get all the injections and that it was really exciting and it was such a positive move. And you think well it’s finally going to happen. And you get presented with this big box of needles and you think, oh my god. And [husband] had his crash course in how to do my injections. And it was ok to start with because you go away and you’ve got your injections to think about every day and you have to have them at the right time. You can’t have them late. You’ve got to keep them in the fridge.
And then after a few days I started going black and blue with all these bruises and I was thinking it doesn’t matter. It’s going to be perfect. And you carry on with it and went back for our scan and they said, ‘Oh we expect you know, to have about ten eggs’. And I’d got five and that’s a bit of a shock. I cried a lot then in hospital. It’s not as if it’s my fault and I’d done something wrong. And they said we’ll change your dosage of your injections.
And then going back in to have the egg collection frightened the life out of me. I’ve never been put out before and I was convinced that I would be able to feel them doing everything and I wouldn’t be able to speak. And I can remember coming around in this room. Them giving me the injection to start with thinking, that’s not going to do anything. And then hearing them say my name thinking I knew it wouldn’t work and having this pain and thinking, ‘Oh they’ve done it,’ [laugh]. That was quite painful afterwards, very, very sore and very sensitive. And then you don’t sleep because you’re waiting for the phone call next morning to hear if, you know, the eggs have taken. And then you don’t sleep the next night because they ring you every day to tell you how they’re doing. And then we had, I had them collected on the Friday and we went back in on the Monday and they said, ‘Would you like to see under the microscope?’ And it’s amazing to see them. Oh that could be our children.
So you sat and leant over a microscope and looked at them?
Yeah. And I saw them before they were put back. And they were gone. [Ha] it’s...
So how many did you have put back?
Two. We had two put back.
And then you had to go and wait two weeks?
Two weeks, two very long weeks. Before we’d had to think about the injections every day and it’s sort of, oh tomorrow I’ve got an appointment and the next I haven’t but another one after that. It was just two weeks of nothing. No appointments, just waiting. And it’s just like a lifetime.
I was all ready with our pregnancy tests and I had a show of blood the day before and at work I was just numb. And they said, oh no you’ll could still be pregnant. You just need to go home, put your feet up. Do take your pessaries.
That was a right performance. And you’ve. When they say to you it doesn’t mean you’re not pregnant, you could still be. In the morning you think, ‘I’m ok.’ And you don’t sleep and then we did two tests next morning and I can remember doing it and getting back into bed and waiting for [husband] to come back in the bedroom and tell me. And he was crying. So. I can remember having to ring my Nan. We’ve done a test Nan and it hasn’t worked’. She said, ‘Oh you don’t want to take no notice of those new tests,’ [laugh]. And she went, she meant well by it but it didn’t help.
So it was very hard. And then we just sort of laid in the bed and cuddled each other but you don’t know, you don’t know what to do, what to talk about to each other, it’s not like oh well shall we go shopping [laugh]. Oh well what do we do now? Very hard. Felt very empty. We used to go to, we ate for comfort so go somewhere nice for lunch and as soon as we walk in, see a high chair. I go, ‘I’m not staying, I’m not staying’ [laugh]. Let’s go somewhere else. So...
How long did that numbness last?
I think it was about May when we found out I was pregnant.
So a year?
Yeah. I didn’t know even when we got our letter from [hospital] to say we’d been approved for the treatment. It’s an automatic thing. You just cry. I said, I don’t know if I can face it. I don’t know if I can go through it again. You feel as if you put all your energy into picking yourself back up. I don’t know if I can. If I pick myself up again to face it. So now we’ve been so lucky you know our luck has changed. I don’t know if I could have kept going on and on. When you read all these people on different websites and they’ve six times, now it’s seven times. You think, ‘Oh where does their money come from’. So how are you strong enough to keep doing it and being knocked back again. Don’t think I could have.