And again, having seen the person about radiotherapy, I was so relieved because she said that I didn’t need chemotherapy because when I was first diagnosed with the invasive cancer I was put on tamoxifen straight away.

She said “tamoxifen plus radiotherapy, that’s all you need.”

And one of the things of course the, it turned out to be an oestrogen receptive positive tumour, so tamoxifen would sort that out. Well that’s the general practice for that.

So I thought’ “Oh, that’s great.”

So after that I went onto tamoxifen.

I think it was a few weeks after the end of the radiotherapy, and they had explained that when I was in the hospital that almost certainly they would give me tamoxifen, and it’s usually anticipated that you’ll have it for a period of about 5 years.

The main side effects of tamoxifen are apparently menopausal symptoms.

I’ve been on HRT because I had very bad hot flushes, so when I was diagnosed with breast cancer I had to come straight off the HRT, then I took the tamoxifen and so I had a recurrence of all of the hot flushes, that was the worst thing that I had to deal with, I didn’t really have anything else that worried me but I used to wear, I was wearing summer clothes really all the year round.

And I didn”t want to take it. I didn”t want to take it at all because I didn”t want to go into the change of life or have all these side effects, or to have to take a pill every day of life my life. It”s not something that I really wanted really.

And then of course I have got side effects with hot flushes and all the rest of it.

When I came out of hospital, well no when I was in hospital, I was put on tamoxifen straight away. And all the menopausal symptoms came in.

Hot sweats are horrendous. And the hot sweats are worse when I’ve had the chemotherapy.

So, for about two weeks from when I first have it until then, I’m up probably four, five times in the night. I wake up, go to the loo and just lie there and all the sweat starts popping, you know. But I’ve got used to it, and now I sort of, don’t laugh, but it’s not a grimace any more, it’s like “Oh here we go again”, you know.

And again it’s just something that it’s going to happen. And so, you know, I just think’ “Well I’ve got to live with this.” And so when, when I do get woken up and I’m sweating I try and keep my eyes closedand just lie there and relax and not get tense because then as soon as it cools, I cool down again, I go back to sleep.

So it’s not too bad.

So you were taking that throughout all the chemotherapy and radiotherapy as well?

I took it, I’ve taken it all the way through and I’m still taking and it’s now, gosh it’s nearly, it’s 2 years since I finished my treatment now. And I’m still taking it and I’ve only missed it one night, which I think is quite good (laughs). So yes I take that.

How do you feel about taking that every day for a long, indefinite time period, perhaps?

I don’t mind at all. I’ve read up, read quite a bit about. I think it’s, I think it is invaluable. I think it’s one of the drugs that is proved to be doing some good, so I’m happy. I mean it does make me a little bit into blob woman. It does put on some weight but, you know, again it’s a small price to pay, to be, to be alive and to do all the things I want to do now.

I was handed tamoxifen, and I woke up a week later to find I was blind in one eye. And I went up to see the oncologist and he said, Oh, um, um, I’ve never seen this before Luckily the Chaplain was passing by outside. So I collared him and I said, [Chaplain’s name], what do I do O he said, That’s a side effect of tamoxifen. it’s recognised. I’ll look it up in my papers And sure enough it said X percent of us get this in our eye. So I went off to see a French ophthalmologist who sorted me out beautifully.

And then about two or three days after I’d finished off with the ophthalmologist, I wake up and I’ve got bloody sheets. And I’ve got horrible skin lesions all over my body and my peeling skin and everything. So again I rush up to the hospital. And the nurse peels off more skin. And says, Oh I don’t know what to do about this So I made an appointment myself to see the dermatologist who dared to tell me, it’s your age Well I knew full well that that was, it couldn’t possibly happen overnight if it were age. So I took him up on this and he just swept out saying, I haven’t got time to answer questions

So this time I thought, No, I really, this is serious So I went on the internet and found that the French are the best at treating this. So I went off to Roche Posay where they treat about eight thousand skin problems a year. So I reckoned they knew what they were doing. And sure enough they did. They gave me lots of nice products. I was examined very, very thoroughly. Swabs taken and all sorts of things like that. And came back with a huge box of lovely products and, since then, every time I can feel a skin lesion about to burst out, I slap more of the products on.

You said you wanted to go on tamoxifen because you haven’t been prescribed it? Why do you feel so strongly about that?

Because I’ll grab anything that’s going [laughs]. I think if it’s borderline then I should have been put on it. I’m going to find out why, properly, next week, why I wasn’t put on it and see if they’ll put me on it. I think if theres any doubt about it they should’ve done it in the first place. And I also think it’s like a prop, you know, it’s something that you probably think is helping you. So it’s psychological as well.

Because theres no other treatment now for you to have?

Yes.

You’ve finished that episode?

Yes. In fact I know somebody who’s been on it for ten years and she nearly cracked up when she was taken off it because she said it’s like an insurity. So, yeah I suppose because it’s the only other treatment available, then yes.

I’ve not had tamoxifen because when I was first treated tamoxifen was quite new.

And I’ve survived all this time without tamoxifen so when it was offered to me last year, and my initial tumour was not tested for whether it was oestrogen receptive or not, I declined to have tamoxifen because I’ve survived anyway.