Strangely enough after that major stroke I was in hospital five days and I got over it quickly. But with the mini stroke mentally I didn’t get over it.

When you said that you got over it quite quickly on the major, the major stroke what, what were the symptoms that you had for that one?

My speech was my hand and my arm but wasn’t I couldn’t control it. But the right part of my brain affected the left side. But I could walk and I could do everything except speak properly.

Right.

Yes.

OK.

And that
So did you feel did you feel that that, I mean I know that was labelled as a major stroke
Yes.

but, but they weren’t, you, you didn’t have any lasting symptoms from that afterwards, that stayed?

No. No.

So you fully recovered?

Yes.

Right. And did you, were you put on medication for that, after that stroke?

I was advised to take simvastatin by the consultant and because I’d had a very, a lot of side effects I didn’t take the simstatin. So maybe
No.

.. that was the cause of my mini-stroke.

Were you ever given aspirin? Or told to take aspirin?

I can’t take aspirin.

OK.

Yes, they did mention that and they gave it to me in the hospital and I was vomiting so they took it off me.

And, so then there wasn’t an alternative that they could give instead?

No. No.

Right.

I was on medication, I was on blood pressure tablets, a stomach tablet and something to help me with the, the stroke but they, the one that they wanted me to take I didn’t take.

Right.

So now of course [laughs]…

What do you feel about that now then?

Well, maybe if I’d have taken the simvastatin, maybe it wouldn’t have happened.

You have to, you know, you have to make yourself strong and did make myself go out even though I was terrified of having another stroke. I made myself go out.

So did you feel that going out was kind of the, the way to dissipate those feelings a bit?

I don’t know because I was so scared but I did go and, I, all the time I was saying, Please God, don’t let me have another stroke, don’t And I used to get there and come back as quickly as possible and then I was all right when I was at home.

But very fearful.

So when you said that you were seeing somebody for breathing techniques
Yes I
how did you access that help?

That was from the doctor because I went to see the doctor, well she had to see me to do with the stroke, to see how I was getting on with the tablets, and I obviously got upset, and I knew I wasn’t suffering from depression because it, it’s a, anxiety and depression are entirely different. So she said, I’m going to refer someone to see you from the medical team And she’s coming again next week, so..

OK. So you
So I
have one session
Yes, I’ve had one session for three hours
Right.

.. I was very impressed with that.

And did you find it helpful, or did it seem like it might be going to be helpful?

Yes, I think it will be helpful. Yes, because I felt as if somebody was actually listening to me about my anxiety because it’s not really, it’s not something you can control.

I would say talk about it if you’ve got a neighbour or a friend or somebody that, you know, is quite happy to come and sit with you.

Try and talk, talk about how you’re feeling, you know. Maybe they won’t understand it but try and talk about it because if you hold it in I think it, it’s like a volcano, it will just erupt. If you’re on your own and you don’t talk about it, you go out on your own, you come back on your own, I think you need to talk to people and see people, which I, I don’t see enough people. Hm.

I think people need to be a bit more sympathetic with all stroke victims, not just mini-stroke, all stroke victims because we, we don’t know what’s happened to us.

And it’s just easy to say, I’ve had a strok and, you know, Oh yeah Nobody says, Well, what, what is that? What happened to you Nobody says that. They just, Oh yeah, hope you feel better

So does it feel like at that point there’s a bit missing, that the conversation just can’t go any further because
Yes.

people don’t really want to know?

I think so, yes. I, probably, and possibly they, they don’t understand what a stroke is anyway, so if you’ve had a stroke that’s it, oh your arm’s gone, or your leg’s gone and you lost sensation down one side. But it’s more complicated than that.

I would say talk about it if you’ve got a neighbour or a friend or somebody that, you know, is quite happy to come and sit with you.

Try and talk, talk about how you’re feeling, you know. Maybe they won’t understand it but try and talk about it because if you hold it in I think it, it’s like a volcano, it will just erupt. If you’re on your own and you don’t talk about it, you go out on your own, you come back on your own, I think you need to talk to people and see people, which I, I don’t see enough people.

I would say talk about it if you’ve got a neighbour or a friend or somebody that, you know, is quite happy to come and sit with you.

Try and talk, talk about how you’re feeling, you know. Maybe they won’t understand it but try and talk about it because if you hold it in I think it, it’s like a volcano, it will just erupt. If you’re on your own and you don’t talk about it, you go out on your own, you come back on your own, I think you need to talk to people and see people, which I, I don’t see enough people. Hm.

I will say there has been one positive thing that happened to me after the mini-stroke, when I came back in the ambulance a lady knocked on my door and she said, Ros, what’s happened And since that day, she’s been a friendly neighbour to me. So, yes.

So that could open up ..

It was
new avenues
.. a blessing in disguise.

Yeah.

And, yes, and she took me to the doctor and, and if I need anything big that I can’t have it, carry, she’ll take me in her little car and, yeah, yes. So out of that, out of my stroke
Some friendship?

.. I’ve made a friend. Yes, so that’s a good, that’s a good thing [laughs].

I’ve had a blood test and it’s all right. My cholesterol is low. I had to phone up for the details and that’s it, they’ve, you know, I don’t have to go to the doctor unless I need a doc, the doctor.

I changed my whole, whole life, I haven’t got a car any more. So I know if I haven’t got a car, then I have to walk. So, you know, I’ve, I’ve really tried to help myself.

And do you, have you found that you’ve got the impression that they haven’t kind of bought into that so much, or
I don’t know. I don’t know really. Maybe I needed a bit more praise and saying, Well, you’ve done well, you’ve, you know, you’ve, you’ve really done well

Encouragement?

But no, nobody’s said that, they’ve just
No.

…left me to get on with it. I, that’s how I feel.

Yeah. I can see. So, you’re feeling a bit like, what you said earlier, not listened to and I suppose in a lot, for a lot of people encouragement is one of those ways
Yes.

…isn’t it, that we keep going,
Yes.

…and move forward.

It seems all negative, you know. I’ve, I feel that I’ve done well but nobody said, Oh well don you know, You’ve really done well, you’ve lost four ston.

You have.

You’re walking where you never walked befor. I got rid of my car so that I, I make myself walk, I have to walk.

I changed my whole, whole life, I haven’t got a car any more. So I know if I haven’t got a car, then I have to walk. So, you know, I’ve really tried to help myself.

And do you have you found that you’ve got the impression that they haven’t kind of bought into that so much, or
I don’t know. I don’t know really. Maybe I needed a bit more praise and saying, Well, you’ve done well, you’ve, you know, you’ve really done well

Encouragement?

But no, nobody’s said that, they’ve just
No.

.. left me to get on with it. I, that’s how I feel.

Yeah. I can see. So, you’re feeling a bit like, what you said earlier, not listened to and I suppose in a lot, for a lot of people encouragement is one of those ways
Yes.

.. isn’t it, that we keep going,
Yes.

..and move forward.

It seems all negative, you know. I’ve, I feel that I’ve done well but nobody said, Oh well don you know, You’ve really done well, you’ve lost four ston.

You have.

You’re walking where you never walked befor. I got rid of my car so that I, I make myself walk, I have to walk.

Just thinking back to when you had the first, the headaches

Yes.

that you’d said you had?

Yes.

What did you do about that? Did you just sort of keep taking painkillers…?

I took paracetamol and I was in bed. Because the, the headache just wouldn’t go, it just wouldn’t go.

So at that point you didn’t seek medical attention?

No. I mean, I just had a headache that went on for three days. And if I didn’t, if I hadn’t needed food I wouldn’t have gone out on that fourth day because I just didn’t feel well.

I was advised to take simvastatins by the consultant and because I’d had a very, a lot of side effects I didn’t take the simstatins. So maybe
No.

…that was the cause of my mini-stroke.

Were you ever given aspirin? Or told to take aspirin?

I can’t take aspirin.

OK.

Yes, they did mention that and they gave it to me in the hospital and I was vomiting so they took it off me.

And, so then there wasn’t an alternative that they could give instead?

No. No.

Right.

I was on medication, I was on blood pressure tablets, a stomach tablet and something to help me with the, the stroke but they, the one that they wanted me to take I didn’t take.

Right.

So now of course [laughs]

What do you feel about that now then?

Well, maybe if I’d have taken the simvastatins, maybe it wouldn’t have happened.

Right. But you won’t, you don’t know that though, do you?

We don’t know that, no. We don’t know that. But since the first stroke I’ve lost four stone, my life is more healthy now because I think that you can’t depend on drugs, you have to help yourself, you have to do things even if you don’t want. I’m not a walker but I made myself go walking after that major stroke.

So when you said you lost a lot of weight after the stroke
Yes.

… was that a deliberate attempt
Yes.

…to ..

Absolutely.

.. change things?

Absolutely.

And was that dieting and exercise? How
Yes, walking and giving up red meat biscuits, anything that I thought was bad for me I gave up.

And was that your own, at your own volition or did the doctors, is that what you were advised?

No, that’s what I did off my own bat. Because you have to help yourself. You can’t, you can’t rely on the drugs. You have to help the drugs. And at that stage I wasn’t on the simvastatin but I did everything in my power to make myself more healthy.

You don’t know what’s happening when it happens. You, you don’t, you know, when I collapsed, OK I was ill but the first time, it was my brain, there’s something happening to your brain and you can’t explain it and you don’t, you’ve never experienced it before so it’s scary I would say.

To people that have not experienced a stroke or a mini-stroke it’s quite scary and you probably don’t know what, what’s happening to you. it’s unfamiliar.

If you’ve got a cold you know you’ve got a cold. Or if you’ve got a headache or if you’ve got arthritis you know what it is. But with, with a mini-stroke something’s happened to your brain and you don’t know what it is and it is very scary. I would say it’s very scary.

The next day I was back to myself but very anxious and very concerned that , – that I was going to have another stroke. And that’s what really controlled me for about three or four weeks.

I was worried, I was concerned. I was worried but I got the night, I slept all right the next night and the next morning when I went to the doctor my hand was waving, I just couldn’t control my left hand or my arm at all.

But I could walk all right.

So what sort, what were your worries and concerns at that point would you say?

Well, afterwards, when I came back from the doctor and I was taking simvastatin I used to go to the supermarket, which is only two minutes away from here, in my head I was imagining in, having another stroke, all the time. Every day
So you were worrying that it could happen again?

Yes. And it was just, it was, was persistent that feeling that I was going to have another stroke. And I’m now seeing someone to help me relax, to have breathing exercises.

From the medical team.

So it’s precipitated a lot of anxiety?

Absolutely. I mean, silly anxieties. Everything, I was anxious about everything. You know [laughs] Everything.

I do get stressed over silly things, I do.

I see that in myself. But it’s very difficult, if someone says, Mum, why are you getting agitated, so, stay cool, stay cool And I get all edgy about every, every little thing. That’s
Do you think that’s been overall just your general personality? Or is it since your
Oh no, I,
No?

I wasn’t this person years ago. I would do anything. I would take, well I wouldn’t climb up a mountain [laughs] I wouldn’t do that, but as far as other things, on my own I would go anywhere, I’d go all over the country, different, abroad on my own, on the aeroplane on my own. It wouldn’t worry me in the least.

No. I would do any, anything and everything.

So that change has been around about the time when you’ve these illnesses? Or
Well maybe, maybe it was a slow build up but it’s become worse. I’ve become agitated and, you know and, I don’t know, it’s not nice. it’s not a nice feeling.

They were enormous, absolutely, absolutely out of proportion my anxiety of having another stroke. You know, I just used to see it all the time. I used to go out here and think, I wonder if I’ll get to the Tesco’s without having another stroke Or, Will I get back without having a stroke You know, it was enormous. Enormous.

And you couldn’t get it out of your head?

No. That went, for about three or four weeks I was like that. But I did go, even [laughs] desperately scared I still went. And then it, it got better.