How did you feel about losing your womb? Had you been trying for a family or was that never on your agenda?

Well at 43 I’d already decided that it wasn’t going to happen. We would have liked a family. I would have liked a family, life doesn’t always give you what you want. And I just accepted that I wasn’t going to have a family. Yes, it hurt at the time but I guess I’d come to terms with that a lot earlier than when I had the hysterectomy because at 43, I mean my doctor had said to me that up until 39, you know, there isn’t really a problem having a first child but after that it can be a little bit more difficult and they would watch you very, very carefully and I had come to the conclusion this wasn’t going to happen to me anyway a long time before that. So regarding children it, it didn’t matter I guess.

What sort of support have you had from your family and friends and colleagues?

Well very good really. Not many people really talked to me outside the, well in fact family don’t even actually talk to me about it. My sister commented the other day ‘I feel very guilty about, when I think about you and your chemo because we just left you to get on with it. And I said ‘Well, you wouldn’t want it, you wouldn’t have wanted to be involved anyway because I wasn’t a pretty sight, I wasn’t nice to know and I didn’t really want anybody around me anyway. So really I’m glad you did that really. Sometimes it would have been nice perhaps to talk about it and say how I felt and but, you know, we did choose not to make too much of it with them because we just didn’t want them to worry too much.

But, yeah, people were very supportive but they didn’t talk to you very much about it. And when you’re back at work, once your bum’s sitting on the chair, you know, you’re fit. Great, you’re back at work. You wouldn’t be back at work if you weren’t fit, would you?

And I really hadn’t felt ill, I’d lost a lot of weight prior to that, but I’d had a year of ‘ the year before my sister’s youngest son had been killed tragically on a school trip, hed been, he was 14, and I’m very close to my family, especially my sister and her two boys, and losing my nephew was one hell of a shock. And I had to be one of the people that had to be, I felt I had to be very strong and help my sister. And you can’t help actually, but you, you make things tick. You, you keep the house running. You, you feed them, and you do things for them.

And also that year, I did a course at, I had half-day release from work, to do a course in London, for my job. And also my husband was going through the chair as a Mason. And I was cope, we were coming up to the ladies’ night in the summer and I’d assumed that all this weight lost was’ (a) the shock of my nephew, (b) I was taking the exam on the Wednesday, and the ladies night was on the Friday, and it was all sort of traumatic and having to make a speech and, so I’d put all my weight loss down to that. And that was the only real indication that I had that anything was wrong with me.

Yes. I had three CT scans sort of three monthly intervals and I would alternate between seeing the gynaecologist and the oncologist sort of every month for about 9 months I think. And then it got to 3 months and then 6, and 9 and then a year. And I, saw the oncologist for about 10 years. And as I say I’m almost sure, no I’m not almost sure, but you know, it was quite nice to have this check every so often although you knew you were OK it was quite a comforter to have the check up and him tell you how wonderfully you’re doing and how everything was back to normal and ‘Great, you know, you’re doing really well,’ and ‘I always knew you would and this sort of thing.

And your checkups ended at 10 years?

Yes. The oncologist actually retired, said ‘Did I feel that I needed to go on with anyone else?’ And I said well I didn’t think I needed to but if he felt that I should, then I would. He said ‘Well, no, if you’re happy then, you know, were happy as well, so that’s OK. So that was it.

I think one of the important things is to try and explain in easy-to-understand terms, because were not all medics and were not all that bright. You know, I think it’s important to be able to understand in layman’s terms what’s going on, because there were certain phrases that were used when I was in hospital and because I think you’re all, with something like this you, you are in such a state of shock or disbelief or fear or whatever, your brain doesn’t always take in what’s being said to you. And also in my case, because it was all happening after the operation, I think I still had a lot of anaesthetic in me or something and I’m sure my brain wasn’t working properly, because it’s not until after the event, and some time after the event, that you think ‘Well, wonder what that meant?’ or ‘wish I’d asked that. Because there are terms that, you know, just don’t mean anything to you if you’re not a medic. And were not all, I’m not, certainly not very bright. So I think, yeah, try and explain things in easy-to-understand language, not too technical really.

But again I wasn’t really, I’m not really sure what to expect with menopause. My mum went through it fairly easily I think. Yeah, she used to have hot flushes and but, you know, there are people that have terrific mood swings. I guess I did have some mood swings. Come to think of it I probably did have mood swings, but you always think you’re perfect don’t you, and you don’t. But I guess I did.

And I suppose sometimes I was a bit irrational in terms of things would upset me that perhaps, you know, little things would upset you that you’d flip when you shouldn’t have done or something. You’d end up having to say ‘Well I’m sorry about that but I don’t know why I flipped.

Presumably having that hysterectomy plunged you immediately into a menopause?

Yes.

What was that like?

I think I was probably luckier than most but I used to have, I wasn’t quite sure it if was the menopause, whether or not it was the reaction from the chemo, but I had this most weird feeling that used to start at the very top of my head as if there was sort of water running all over my head and then would go down all, down my body, which would then make me go very, very hot. But I didn’t go red. My body would be steaming and you’d touch it, and it was really damp but I didn’t go red, luckily.