I think this last time I was sort of so joyous about my results that I think she, she felt that, oh yes she did actually, give me some meditation to do, some relaxation meditation which was very useful. And she suggested that I did some deep breathing and just stood or, oh I was telling her that in the middle of the night my brain jumps around and I think about all sorts of things and, connected to this, and that I couldn’t settle down and I couldn’t sleep. So she suggested that I either stood or sat and imagined that the weight was going into my bottom or my feet and that all the energy was going down into the ground so therefore it would come away from my brain and that it would still my brain.

And then also she gave me a relaxation technique to imagine that you could feel a point at the top of your head and that you traced the line down your nose, under your chin, down your chest, between your legs and up your back to the top of your head again and then you go down by your ear, down your shoulder, down your arm, up under your arm, down under your legs and then round and trace it back to your other ear and to the top of your head again. And because you’d be concentrating so much you actually wouldn’t be thinking about other things. And I’ve done that and I felt that that is really helpful.

I’ve read various things about being positive, or positive thinking, and I think the latest thinking on it is that it’s not supposed to be that helpful, you know, it’s not, it’s obviously good for you to feel positive but it’s not necessarily going to change how your illness is going to affect you, you know, it’s not a cure all, so. Which is quite interesting, because there have been various articles in the newspaper over the autumn and I was quite disappointed about that because I… really worked hard at… I had a healing tape, a healing meditation tape that I’d run every afternoon, when I got home, lie on the bed and listen to it. And I remember the day I read in the newspaper that positive thought wasn’t necessarily going to be a cure all, that was really very disappointing.

But I think that actually that if you can sort of be as positive as possible I think that’s really helpful to yourself, you know, to try and get over, and to try and feel better, you know.

Is there anything you’d like to say to other women who find themselves diagnosed with ovarian cancer, any kind of message to them?

I suppose that I would say that there have been some positive, amongst all the negativity and the horror and the fright, there have been some positive things. I mean I’ve discovered things in life that I never knew existed like sort of making yourself as comfortable as possible and, you know, having all the nice things like sort of having lovely baths and, you know, aromatherapy, listening to nice music, trying to do as many feel-good things as possible.

I probably have worked too hard right throughout my life to have enjoyed those things, so there are definitely positive things to, you know, apart from being quite frightened a lot of the time.

I found that the tiredness was very, very debilitating, and also lethargy. I had actually, because I paint and I draw, I had actually got various sketchbooks that I was going to do during the autumn but I really, I couldn’t even read very much, I read a couple of books and I looked at a lot television. But I found that the lethargy was a real problem. I normally have tremendous energy and, you know, I’m very enthusiastic about a lot of things and, but I found all of that left me, which was something I had to deal with.

I did think about whether to see whether I’d got a gene that, you know, my daughter may have inherited. And I talked to my sister who has had breast cancer, and we talked about it together and apparently her daughter had talked to her and said that she hadn’t wanted to have any tests, you know, to see whether shed got this gene. I haven’t asked my daughter but I’ve actually decided to put it on hold and maybe think about it later. Shes an intelligent girl and I think that shes probably already read that you can have genetic testing and so weve put it on hold, I’ve put it on hold and I’m sure she has mentally.