And a friend, I got onto this really cos a friend gave me a book, which I won’t mention but I’ll show you, and this book, when you read about this lady who was a healer, it’s a lovely book. And when you feel really down and you feel what’s it all about?’ And you’re a bit scared and you don’t’ know where you’re going to get the courage to go forward with, and you feel that you’re never going to laugh again. You do, you get to a point where you think Am I ever going to find anything funny or am I going to be happy again?’ But you are, you do. And when you read this book it’s smashing and it makes you feel safe and good and nice and everything.

You said you had to go back for financial reasons. How did it work out financially, being off sick from your company?

Well at first they were very good. The first time around they were very good, you know, just putting me on half pay and things like that, which was good. But at the time wed just bought a new house and we had two houses at once. So we had a huge mortgage so a lot of my savings went and because they left my job open after 6 months I really felt obliged to go back, and so I went back full-time straight away within a month of finishing my chemo.

But I did go back for a year but then when the cancer came back this time obviously I don’t think work was interested anymore anyway and they were a little bit less compassionate this time, you know. And it was hard, you know, the company car going and, you know, the big salary going and going onto benefits. But, you know, I’ve now moved home, got a lesser home and you know, things are fine. Money’s not everything.

Sage. You know, just little drops of sage. You take 15 drops, morning and, well you take it three times a day, before your meal and I think it takes the edge off. It doesn’t get rid of them. I’ve spoken to the specialist and he said theres only HRT that can actually get rid of it. But it does just seem to help a little bit, you know.

And the other thing is to try and keep cool. Keep yourself cool and maybe drink cool things and eat cool things. I’ve got a lovely book, actually, it’s a recipe book, and I bought it at the Cancer Research shop, the bargain shop, you know, and it’s all got herbal recipes and things like that and it tells you about all the different foods and it tells you which are cooling foods and which are hot foods. I mean, it’s quite natural, if you think about that, chillies and garlics and things like that are going to be hot things and things like cucumber, cabbage, celery, are going to be cooling things, you know. So I mean, if you can drink cool drinks and eat cool foods, keep your system, you’re trying to keep your system cool, you know, cos I find sometimes if I do have a cup of tea, which I do, if I hold the pot for too long, I’ll get a hot sweat, you know. So I try to keep cool.

But when I go shopping, I now go shopping and I go to a certain supermarket who’ve got a good range of organic foods. And I go and I buy all the veg organic, as much as I can, and all the fruit. I buy tea and coffee. I’ve bought milk organic and as I say, I don’t eat pre made foods, you know, full of all these Es, chlorines and etc, etc. And I mean, I think that’s just trying to keep a healthier diet anyway. I mean, whether it will actually help the cancer, who knows, but it may keep me healthy which, you know, if you can keep your body as healthy as possible, and then you’ve got this handicap, it’s got to be better, hasn’t it, you know, than going out there and drinking and smoking and, you know, eating lots of, you know, ready made meals, that’s not going to give you much of a chance, is it?

Yeah, yeah, I mean at first I felt quite ugly, you know, because of the hysterectomy and the bald head and so I’ve really gone out and I look after myself now, you know, and I go the hairdresser’s a lot, have my roots done and my nails and try to keep my figure looking good. I try to keep fit and slim.

Sexually, yeah, sex isn’t easy for me, you know. It hurts actually and so, yeah, the enjoyment of sex isn’t as good as it used to be for, you know, me and my partner, me and my husband, you know. We do other things’ We can have fun. You know, you can love each other, can’t you? Caress each other and, you know, so you might not actually make, have intercourse as often as you used to but were getting older anyway.

I’m trying to stay optimistic and positive. Everybody dies. Everybody dies but when you’re going to die that depends just on, well your fate, whatever. I mean, it’s amazing really, I thought oh gosh I’m going to die, I’m going to die, and then so many people have passed on, you know, before me, even my own father’s died before me, you know. So you mustn’t think about death too much like that. You must keep yourself well. Keep yourself happy. Go out and enjoy yourself. Do everything you’ve always wanted to do and like I say if you can keep positive and think, you know, what will be, will be. Theres no point in worrying about it because I think lifes mapped out and, you know, you’ve just got to get on with it.

They can’t predict what is going to happen to you. They can’t say this that or the other, you know. Just like, they’re expecting mine to reoccur in a year’s time, they could be wrong about that. It might be, take ages before it reoccurs, so you’ve just got to think positive about things.

Before I got cancer I was not making the most of my life. I was working, earning lots of money, stressed out, running around, ignoring my husband, never seeing my family, not looking at birds, how beautiful a bird is, little eyes, little wings, it flies about. Isn’t it marvellous how it flies about, you know what I mean? And that’s what you’ve got to do, just make the best of it, you really have.

So they booked me for a hysterectomy. So I went in in October, had a full hysterectomy, came home, getting over that, had to see the specialist in about 6 weeks after the operation. I mean hysterectomies are not very pleasant and they do do a lot to your emotions and everything.

So I had a little bladder problem, went down to the doctor’s and went in to see him. I said, He said. How are you feeling?’ I said, Well, you know, pretty rough but I’m getting over it. And he said, Have you seen your specialist yet?’ I said, Well I’m going next week. He said, Oh is he going to discuss your treatment with you?’ I said, What my HRT?’ He said, No, your chemotherapy. I said, Pardon?’ He said, Hasn’t he told you?’ I said, What?’ He said,’they found a tumour in your ovaries, hell be discussing chemotherapy with you.

Oh well, that was like somebody hitting me, you know, I’d just nipped down to the doctor’s about a bladder problem, you know.