So did you understand that it was a cancer when they gave you the diagnosis?
Yes, yeah I did, I’d sort of, in fact I knew I had cancer, I guessed cancer before leukaemia, if that makes sense. When I was admitted to hospital I said, ‘I’ve got cancer here’. And then when they said leukaemia it made sense, given the way I was feeling it wasn’t localised or anything, it was all over, just aches and pains. And yeah, it just sort of made sense.
What made you think it was cancer?
I was purely so ill. I thought, to be this ill it has to be cancer. It’s nothing else. I think I’d gone through everything in my head that it might be, the pleurisy, the…, and I said, ‘No I’ve got a cancer there.’ Because I’ve never felt so horrendously low and in pain and really, you know, just, there was nothing of me. I was gone. I think I really was at death’s door.
What kind of cancer did you think you had?
No idea. I think testicular came to mind for some reason. I don’t know. It was just cancer. I didn’t get more specific than that, maybe just my testicles or something inside, my bones possibly, I think the bones came into it as well.
How did you feel about thinking those thoughts?
I thought, ‘I’ve got to get a grip of this. I really have got to get a grip on this’. But I was feeling so weak. It’s funny but once, it was good for me to accept it is cancer. I’ve got it and now I have to deal with it. It was actually a bit easier for me to cope with my situation then actually, there was a reason. Whereas in the weeks before and that morning there was no reason for why I was so ill. But now I actually knew, ‘Well you’re ill because you have cancer, leukaemia, so that sort of helped me in a way actually, in a strange way.