The hardest problem is that were in a flat where she had to get fit for the stairs. And it took her about a week to get her fitness levels up so she could easily go, not easily, but comfortably go up sort of sixty steps. Then came back here. And, you know, I took about a week off as sort of proper holiday and spent time just with her and just on our own trying to get things back together and support her really.

Was there anybody else here?

No. I looked after her for the first sort of week and a bit. Then my mother, my mum came and looked after her for a week. And she made a fairly rapid recovery really. I mean she got her fitness back quite well. I mean she was walking quite well and managing to sort of do more and more on her own over a period of time. It’s sort of now really, where shes at another level and shes struggling again. Because it’s like anything really that you try to do. You pick it up quite quickly at first, but then to sort of refine it and move it forward it takes you longer.

Is she back to work full-time?

No. Yes, pretty much back to full-time. I mean we work together. So I mean shes probably doing a good four-day week now. But shes exhausted. I’d say shes pretty much back to full-time. I think within a couple of weeks shell be full-time. But we have quite a long commute in and out of town. So that adds potentially three hours to the day. So if we didn’t have that, she would be full-time I think.

I mean in some ways it’s like whilst [my partner] was in Intensive Care it was more traumatic for me and her parents than after. Because when [my partner], she was asleep, she didn’t know what was happening, whereas we did. Whereas now shes got to rebuild everything. I mean when she came out of or was woken, she couldn’t sit up, she couldn’t walk, she couldn’t stand up, she couldn’t do anything on her own.

Was she having hallucinations?

Yes, she had some pretty good hallucinations as well. Which we remind her about quite often. But it’s harder for her now I think than it is for us. So sort of my life is getting back to normal quicker than [my partner’s]. Because I’ve got my normal life back now. I’ve got my girlfriend back and shes living with me, were building our house and doing all those things. Whereas shes sitting there thinking, ‘God, I’m tired and shattered after two hours at a computer screen. And I can’t run, I can’t walk, we can’t do sport’ those kind of things. I guess shes about 80 per cent there really. And I mean mentally shes back to the way she was. I mean shes still got lots of questions and anxieties I guess.

I think when my partner first came home, sort of he was still too sort of weak and things like that. But as he got stronger and, I don’t know, you felt that you wanted to be close to him, but then you didn’t want to hurt him and worry and touch where hed had his operations and things like that. And I think it still, even now, you still feel that you need to protect him or you don’t want to hurt him or just lean on him or give him a cuddle and things like that. But I think it was a few months when he got home that we just started getting that bit closer and things like that. And sort of he felt ready and we had the discussions. Because wed just had a young baby as well, it was all still a bit difficult after then. But I felt more that I didn’t want to hurt him or things like that. Whereas he just wanted us to be back to normal. And he was like, and he knew that when he felt ready and what he could and couldn’t do. But I think it was harder for me because I didn’t want to hurt him or do anything. But he was like, ‘No, I’m ready’ and things like that.

And I think that’s the main thing in a relationship is to get back to normal, because I think it is quite a big thing. And you feel so distant from them, from not seeing them. I think even just to talk about it is better than nothing really. It was, that’s one thing I found, or just even talking and having a cuddle, you felt you didn’t want to. But afterwards it’s, so, yes, I’d definitely say, ‘Talk about it.

And did things go back to normal? Or it took time?

It took time definitely. Just because my partner, you have up-and-down feelings and some days you feel depressed and sometimes he would feel that he wanted to do things or he was ready. And then other days I wouldn’t feel, but that’s when you explain rather than giving them the cold shoulder and then people think like, ‘Why’s he in a mood?’ or something. The main thing is discussing it, and then you realise. And it soon got back to normal and things.

So we were coming back in the car, and had no preparations or anything at home to look after him. So I left him in the car and I arranged for chairs to be put along the hall, so that he could sit down for a little while and then take a few more steps still with the walking frame. And it must have been after a couple of hours I finally managed to get him up the stairs and into bed, where he stayed for a couple of days, just recovering after all the exertion. And so he went on to recovery at home after the sixth week.

I got a call from the physiotherapy department at the hospital. I did feel rather ashamed of what I’d helped him to do, but I think, even looking back now, it was probably the right thing to do for his mental state but not for his physical needs. They were very helpful and they arranged for a priority appointment for the community occupational therapy unit to come and visit us at home and assess what sort of needs he would have. Hed been wearing the brace that had been supplied at the end of his bed. But we discovered that it was the wrong one that had been supplied. It should have been a lot more robust one that kept his spine straight for the whole time he was out of bed. So the occupational therapist picked that up from the hospital and came and fit it on him.

I’d normally get up early. I was sleeping in this room and [my husband] would be in the other room to give him plenty of room to move around. I just let him wake up when he was ready, and wed get the spinal brace on and in the shower, then back into bed. Because everything would exhaust him a lot. Then wed have breakfast. The whole day was just spent with everyday things that for most people would just take an hour or so.

And you came home. So how was it when you came home, for you? Because physically you needed to be there all the time?

Yes.

And also his needs, how did you cope with all of that?

I don’t really know [laughs]. There was just really no choice to it. I just had to get through each day I suppose. There were times when I thought, ‘Oh, is it going to be like this for ever?’ kind of thing. In the early stages he would be very difficult for most of the day. But as he gradually began to improve, then it would be more changeable.

And is it at this point you would have found having someone to speak to, maybe outside the family or someone from the hospital helpful?

Yes, I think perhaps away from the hospital. Just somewhere that you felt that you could talk confidentially and that wouldn’t go on his medical record or be repeated to my husband.

What were your main concerns at this time?

Just to have reassurance that this kind of thing was normal for head injuries. Having not experienced anything like that before, I didn’t know whether it was the head injury or whether hed be permanently like that. Just reassurance that things would get better I guess. I think further down the line, because of the head injury, it would have been really useful to speak to somebody. Because I was a bit reluctant as well to tell people about his depression thinking he may be put in a psychiatric ward or something.

I don’t envisage that I will always be at this stage. I mean hes so much more independent now, in his thoughts, feelings, you know, driving. It’s all coming back together. And really I hope to get to the same stage I was at’ it’s kind of like accompanying somebody’ when you have a child, you accompany them through their childhood and when something like this happens it’s like going back to square one and doing it all again.

So I think that I’m looking forward to the stage and I know that it is happening because I can see that it’s happening, where he will be independent again and that is the ultimate goal. And I don’t envisage that he will need me. And that will be tremendous when that happens. And so, you know, weve been utterly blessed, utterly blessed, with the way things have happened because he was very severely injured right at the beginning. And he has really come through this in a miraculous way.

In the third year, this year, my husband was beginning to, continued to make a really good recovery and is able to do most of what he did prior to the accident. Although he is stiffer and has more discomfort, so he can’t walk for very long periods of time. He still has problems with reduced sensation in his legs and lower half of his body. And our sex life has been affected as well. But we have a closer relationship with each other now. So that aspect of our life is less important. For a few months afterwards it was quite difficult. But I think it’s like anything really. You gradually adapt to things, and you get used to a way of life. You’re thankful for the good outcomes of things, and grateful to have him alive. And even with his parents, I’ve noticed that when he speaks to them hell say, ‘I love you’ more perhaps not have said that before. It was just understood that he did. I think we just have a better understanding. Obviously we still have our ups and down, as we did before, but we tend not to sulk about things as long and that kind of thing.

I would check her in morning and I would phone her during the day and then I would come home and go straight round to make sure everything was all right. I was doing all the cooking. But I knew, she was so determined, I knew, I had to help her with the bath and actually that is one of the things that determined how better she was getting. At first she couldnt even get in and out the bath herself, and I was having to bath her and wash her hair. And then gradually she would phone me, I am getting in the bath, if I havent phoned you in fifteen minutes, come round and check on me. And that gradually petered out as well. So she just now gets on with her life but that was an indication of how she was improving and getting better. Going up the stairs to start with, she would have to go up and down on her bottom. She couldnt walk up and down stairs and then gradually she progressed.

But eventually she progressed.

She got herself a dog in May of 2004. So she then had to go out with him, rather than just sitting at home feeling sorry for herself. She takes him out three times a day. And just gradually, it is now coming up just past her third anniversary, and she is really back to normally as much as she possibly can be. She is cooking. She does the shopping. She is driving. She takes the dog out. She goes to keep fit. She goes swimming. So really is back to normal as much as possible.

Thank you very much, is there anything you want to add?

She is grumpy [laughs]. She has turned into a grumpy old woman because she cant do, she gets frustrated she cant do everything that she wants. But she has also still got a sense of humour and we do have a good time. She has down days. In the early days she felt like she was taking one step forward, two steps back and that really frustrated her and she was very, very down. And she still has them. She has her off days where she is really tired and she gets very frustrated but then other days are really good now. So it does take time but eventually you have more good days then bad days I think.

I was there every day. I did all the housework, her shopping, her washing, her cooking. Id take meals down to her that Id cooked at home most nights and if I didnt do that I would go, I would prepare something for her in her house. She didnt have the strength to lift the pan up to cook for herself. She was having problems with her left hand strength-wise and dexterity-wise. Shed drop cups, she dropped the kettle. So she wasnt safe really.

Shes still so short-tempered now its unbelievable. She gets angry with everybody and if its not angry its upset. She cries at the drop of a hat. She doesnt get dressed most days. In fact the only days you can guarantee to see her dressed is on a Wednesday when we go shopping or if shes going to hospital for an appointment. I confiscated her pyjamas on more than one occasion. Shes actually moved now to a ground floor flat with a walk-in shower. She sees the physio once a month. Shes still under the care of a bowel surgeon, bladder surgeon, plastic surgeon, neurologist, psychologist.

And how long is this now after, since she was admitted?

Five years.

But she still gets quite depressed?

Very, yeah. Shes actually attempted to overdose on her anti-depressants. So shes no longer taking anti-depressants but she sees, I dont even know what [nurses name] title is. She sees her for counselling at the hospital where she was in intensive care, once a fortnight. Shes not very happy at the moment because she should move to this flat which has meant that the GP, her local GP whos been her GP for 17 years can no longer see her even though shes still living on the same estate as she was before she moved. But the GPs have tightened their restrictions on patients and will only see patients in their immediate vicinity. So shes had to change GPs.

After he came home things werent easy because, I mean [my husband], I just couldnt leave him at all. You know even to get in the bath and I used to have to sit up there with him really to literally, I just could not leave his side. But gradually things improved. By the end of January he was, he didnt always know where he was. Hed begin to realise that this was our home but when he left hospital he said, Well, he said, The first thing that Ive got to do, he said, Is to try to find a job. And I was saying, [Husbands name] youve been retired for a number of years. And, No, no I need to get a job. And then he seemed quite content. Oh, he said, Thats good, he said. And then he started saying But have we got enough money? I said, Weve plenty of money. Weve got the same money that weve had before you became ill. And those things started to concern him a little bit although he just He still cant really cope with the financial things at all but that bit doesnt matter. But he gradually, gradually improved and then we went on a bit.

My younger daughter whod actually gone to Goa for a little bit of the beach bum for [laughs] three or four or five or six months [laughs]. She came back to see him at the end of January and of course she took him for little walks around the streets. She just couldnt believe when she walked down the back lane he said, Ive never been here before. Where is this? Where are you taking me? That was about the 26th of January, just about three weeks after he came out of hospital. And then she came back again for a week in March and she just could not believe the improvement he had made in two months.

When she came home, she could just about stand. She had just about enough energy to stand and walk a couple of feet and then she would be exhausted. And then we sort of devised a piece of equipment that she could wear at night. Because what was happening was, to start with when she was home we had to, I had to wake her up every two hours to empty the bag. And of course I wasnt getting any sleep because every two hours she had to empty the bag otherwise it would just pop off.

I mean she was building up a lot more than she was. But every so often something will happen somewhere and she will seem to lose a lot of that strength. This morning I found her laying in the conservatory and she had just got up and the next thing was she had collapsed on the floor. This is happening a few times. Now we have been to the doctor and we found out that she has got wax in the ears and we are thinking that this might be causing the loss of balance with her. But now we have got to wait until next week before we can get the nurses appointment to syringe it out.

And has her co-ordination been coming back slowly?

The co-ordination is coming back to a degree. But the problem now is the eyesight. The coordination with her hands is coming back, but unfortunately the eyes cant see what the hands are doing. And at first we said, Well move your head and have a look through your good eye, but that is not really solving the problem because you have still got the bad eye and it is still counteracting against the good eye, which is incidentally not a good eye, it was a bad eye originally.