Yes I mean because our family knew a lot about epilepsy because of my dad, it was maybe different to it being a completely new thing. So my parents were good in that respect in that they already knew what to do, you know, if somebody had a seizure for example. And they were very good in that they didn’t try to protect me or overprotect me. You know, like I said, I still went to school, I still went to parties, I still went swimming or rode on my bike for example. And I think partly that’s because my dad had grown up with epilepsy and my dad had done all of those things and, you know, had a regular job and, you know, did, did all the same activities as other people. So they didn’t try and overprotect me. Which was really really good. I think the fact that they said, ‘Okay, it’s, it’s okay for you to do these activities’ made me think, ‘It’s okay for me to do these activities. If they’d worried and voiced their worries, then maybe I would have worried more.

I think doctors and nurses need to be sensitive to, not only to what young people are saying, but to what they’re not saying. Because there are a lot of issues that, you know, it’s embarrassing to talk about. Like your body and like sex and like alcohol. And there may be a lot of issues that are upsetting young people, but that they feel too embarrassed or too intimidated to actually tell their doctor. So while I appreciate that doctors and nurses aren’t mind-readers, sometimes asking questions and saying, you know, ‘Is this an issue?’ or, ‘Have you ever thought about this?’ sometimes just putting the question in can encourage the young person to talk. I think as well being conscious to talk to the young person rather than to their parents. And being conscious of the parent’s attitude, if there is a parent whos maybe being overprotective or whos not letting their child speak for whatever reason. Being conscious of that and maybe giving the young person some time on their own.

Yes, and, and that did happen. You know, sometimes we’d have things planned and then I’d have a seizure and we’d have to cancel our plans, you know, for the rest of the day or for the, for the rest of the weekend for example. There was one time where I was planning to go and see my boyfriend in the north of England. I was going, planning to spend a weekend with him. And on the Friday I had a seizure. So, you know, for the rest of the weekend I was wiped out. So I wasn’t able to do that. So, yes, sometimes the seizures did disrupt my social life. It meant that I had to rearrange my plans. And because they were unpredictable, you know, it was disheartening when you make plans, you maybe plan events, you know, months in advance and then at the last minute you have to cancel your plans or you can’t go to this party or this trip, you know, that your friends are going on.

And at university, did you have any difficulties?

Yes, well, at university I had a great time, I had a great time. I partied hard. I maybe didn’t work so hard, but I partied hard. And I did everything that everybody else did. I think maybe at school I was a bit worried, you know, ‘What’s going to happen if I go out to the pub? Or if I stay out late? Or if I have a seizure in front of people? You know, I’m going to be so embarrassed. I can’t do this, this, this. And once I got to university, you know, things really changed. I maybe accepted my condition more. I thought, you know, ‘I’m not going to spend my life worrying about my condition and I’m not going to let it get in the way of things. Yes, I know that I have to take my medication and I know that I have to get eight hours’ sleep. But I’m not going to let it stop me going out with my friends and all the kind of things you do as a student. So, yes, I, I still had seizures throughout university and again sometimes they did impact on my plans or sometimes they did affect my work. You know, for example if I had an essay to hand in and I’d leave it until the last minute and, you know, and then I had a seizure, yes, that did affect my work. But it was just part of life. You know, it didn’t stop me as I said partying or going out with my friends or having a boyfriend or anything like that.

But when do you started to talk to your friends or relatives about how you were feeling?

I guess like I said when, when I got to university. I think the change between school and university for loads of young people is a big one. You know, you’re going out and you’re doing things on your own. And you’re away from your family, often for the first time. You know, it’s a big emotional change. And like I said my attitude to my condition changed as well. So it was maybe then that I started talking to my friends and family a bit more and talking to my doctors a bit more about how it was making me feel and what I wanted and what I didn’t want.

So it’s from the age of 19 onwards?

Yes, yes, 18, 19, yes.

In my experience the employers have been very very good. I think certainly that is a worry for young people. ‘Am I going to be able to get a job because of my epilepsy?’ And there are a few jobs that people with epilepsy can’t do. But it’s a very few jobs. It’s things like being a pilot or being an ambulance driver for example, or being a lorry driver. It’s, there are very very few jobs that people can’t do. I think people worry that, ‘If I put epilepsy down on the form, am I going to be prejudiced against? Is the employer going to look at me differently?’ And legally they shouldn’t do that. They shouldn’t be able to discriminate against people because of their epilepsy. What I would tend to do on an application form is tick the box to say, ‘Yes, I do have a condition’ or, ‘Yes, I do have epilepsy’ but then just to write by the side, ‘Controlled by medication. So you’re telling the truth but you’re also giving them a bit more information. So, ‘Controlled by medication’ or, ‘One or two seizures a year. So they’ve got the information there. They know how it’s going to affect your job, if indeed it is. You know, maybe that it’s not going to affect your working life. For example some people just have seizures in their sleep. So it’s not going to affect the time spent at work. So I would put a little bit more information on the application form. But I would certainly admit that I did have it.

Again when you were a teenager, did they talk to you about contraception?

Yes, they did, because that’s quite a relevant issue for, for people who are taking medication. And one of, one of the things about my medication is it makes the pill less effective. So if I was on the pill, I would need to take a stronger pill because of my other medication. So, yes, they did bring that up. It was quite embarrassing because my mother was sitting next to me. And there was this 50-year-old guy talking about sex. And you just want to die, and just forget about it. But, yes, they did bring that up, yes.

Did they explain it to you in an easy-to-understand language?

They explained, you know, that, that it was an issue. So, yes, they explained it very quickly. And later on, you know, I found out information or I found leaflets perhaps from the voluntary organisations. There’s a lot of information on the Internet. So they explained it very briefly. It was a, more of a kind of question and answer, ‘Are you having sex? Are you on the pill? This is what you need to know.

How do you answer with your parents there?

Absolutely. You know, it’s incredibly embarrassing. But absolutely. I mean I was, when I was diagnosed I was 15, so I did have my mum sitting next to me. I guess when I was about 17 maybe, I started having appointments by myself. And then when I was 18, 19, I went over to an adult consultant. So again, you know, the appointments were by myself. And it was a lot easier to bring up those kind of subjects.

Because I was 15, it’s the time during the teenage years where you’re experimenting with, you know, maybe drinking or you’re staying out late, and I was worried about that as well. You know, ‘What was going to happen if I had a few beers, you know, like the rest of my friends? Was something going to happen? Was my epilepsy going to get worse?’ That kind of thing. So, so, yes, I had worries about that.

Did anybody explain to you about drinking and, and epilepsy. What it would happen?

No, no. I mean I guess with, with a lot of conditions, it’s difficult, because it’s so different for everybody. And often it’s a case of kind of finding your own way and finding what affects you. So in my case, you know, having some alcohol, I don’t know if I am able to say this, having some alcohol doesn’t present a problem. For another person it might present a problem. But for me personally it doesn’t make my condition any worse. So…

For me, you know, alcohol doesn’t, doesn’t present a problem. Which, which is good. But certainly it was a concern, you know, when I was first diagnosed.

Certainly at the beginning, yes. You know, when I was 15 and my mum was going into the consultations with me, yes, most of the information was going to her rather than me.

How did it make you feel? You were in the same room and they were not talking to you but to your mother.

Not great. You know, I didn’t really feel like I was part of the consultation or part of the decision-making process. You know, I was the one who was having the seizures and taking the tablets, but I wasn’t really involved in.

Just having it.

Absolutely, just, you’re the one that had it but, ‘Don’t talk. I think throughout I would have wanted more information and I would have wanted more opportunity to ask questions. Because it is a complicated condition and, you know, it’s difficult to, to get your head around. So I would have wanted more opportunity to ask questions. When I was a teenager I think I would have appreciated some time in the appointment without my mum there, and maybe to have discussed the more embarrassing topics like sex and like alcohol, you know, without my mother there. And I think more information about different options.

And what about the language they use when communicating with young people? Did they use an easy-to-understand language? Or did they use long words?

I guess it varies from consultant to consultant. A lot of doctors I think do use terminology that maybe young people, and also adults, don’t understand. You know, there’s a lot of different words for seizure for example. And somebody might call seizures fits and somebody else might call them something else. So if the doctor is using terminology and isn’t explaining it to you, it can be very confusing. So I think if there is something that the doctor is saying that you don’t understand, then not being afraid to just say, ‘Excuse me, can you just explain this?’ You know, it doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It, it just means that, you know, you don’t have a degree in, in brain surgery, you know.

Yes, yes, because the tablets for epilepsy carry higher risks to the unborn baby. So there are issues for young women. You know, if they do have children and they’re on certain medications, there are higher risks. So the doctors might want to change the medication or lower the medication. And it is something all the doctors are talking to all young women about. So, yes, I mean ever since I was maybe 17, every appointment it’s something that they bring up and say, you know, ‘Are you planning to start a family?’ Or if I’m starting a new medication, you know, they discuss the risks associated with it or say, you know, ‘If you do want to start a family, we might have to think about different treatment’ and that kind of thing. So, yes, that’s always something that’s very very relevant.

Which other type of information would you have wanted from the doctors?

I think just basic information about what the condition was, and more information about treatment as well. With epilepsy and with a lot of the other conditions there’s multiple treatments. You know, with epilepsy there are about maybe fifteen different drugs. And some will work for some people and, you know, others will be more suitable for other people. And I never knew that when I was first diagnosed. I was given one tablet, and I just assumed that was the best tablet and that was going to work. And I didn’t know that there were other options. So for many years I was just on a couple of tablets and I didn’t really push for anything more because I didn’t really know there was anything better. And it was only when I met my current doctor, who provided me with more information, that I went on to a different treatment that, that really improved the epilepsy. So I would have really valued more information about what it was and about the medications, about what I was entitled to, how they could help me, that kind of thing.

So the weight problem you had, that went on for quite a while?

Yes, that’s right. Because I stayed on that treatment for a number of years. And again I didn’t realise that, you know, I could have, chosen a different tablet and the weight wouldn’t have been an issue and, you know, I wouldn’t have had to be unhappy for so many years because of it. So, yes, that went on for quite a while. And I do wish that I’d brought it up with my doctor and, you know, we could have changed the tablet and maybe not had those problems. So, yes, when I came off that tablet and chose another one, I lost a lot of that weight. And it really improved things. You know, I got a lot of self-esteem back. So that was a good time.

Well, certainly having to take medication every day, every morning and every evening. And that is a big change. You know, it’s not something that a normal teenager has to do. And it does make you feel a bit different. That if you have, if you go to a sleepover or if you stay at somebody’s house, you know, you have to take these big tablets and nobody else does. Also the tablets had side effects and they, they made me put on a lot of weight. Which, when you’re a teenage girl, is something you don’t want at all. And I blew up like a balloon, you know, with a lot of weight. But that was something that was never discussed with my doctor.

They never told you or warned you that you might put on weight?

No, they never warned me it was a side effect. And I never spoke to them about it. I was really quite embarrassed about it. So it was the last thing I was going to discuss with my doctor, that, ‘Hey, I’m really fat and I’m getting picked on because of it. I know now that, you know, I should have told my doctor that it was making me unhappy and that we could have tried something else. And that’s what I would do now. But as a teenager I didn’t, I didn’t feel like I was able to do that. So, so that affected me.

So the weight problem you had, that went on for quite a while?

Yes, that’s right. Because I stayed on that treatment for a number of years. And again I didn’t realise that, you know, I could have chosen a different tablet and the weight wouldn’t have been an issue and, you know, I wouldn’t have had to be unhappy for so many years because of it. So, yes, that went on for quite a while. And I do wish that I’d brought it up with my doctor and, you know, we could have changed the tablet and maybe not had those problems. So, yes, when, when I came off that tablet and chose another one, I lost a lot of that weight. And it really improved things. You know, I got a lot of self-esteem back. So that was a good time.

The reason I came off the tablet wasn’t because of the side effects, it was just because it wasn’t working. And when I was a child, often you’ll see a paediatrician. So you won’t see a specialist or even a neurologist. You know, you’ll just see a standard paediatrician who doesn’t really have the in-depth knowledge. And when I was 18, again I saw a general consultant. So somebody who didn’t have the in-depth epilepsy knowledge. And so I just stayed on that treatment. They didn’t really bring up the weight as an issue. And again because I felt embarrassed, I didn’t bring it up either. So it was just when I found out, or when I found a specialist, they then realised that the tablet wasn’t working, that there were other medications that they could try.

In which way, it wasn’t working?

The aim of the tablets is to control the seizures completely. So to stop a person having seizures. And again that was something I didn’t know. I didn’t know that it was possible to stop these things completely. You know, I, I guess I just thought, ‘People with epilepsy have seizures. You know, none of the doctors ever said, ‘We’re going to get rid of these things’ or, ‘We want to get rid of these things completely. So the aim of the tablets is to do that. And the medications that I were on weren’t doing that. I wasn’t having many seizures, I was maybe having like four a year, something like that. But it was four too many. So eventually my specialist took me off that medication and chose another one that, that made me have less seizures.

So it’s improved, things have improved.

Things have improved, yes, yes.

Another issue when I was younger was the driving. Because having epilepsy, or having seizures prevents you from driving. You have to go for a year without having a seizure until you can get your licence. Now loads and loads of people with epilepsy are controlled with their medication and they do have their driving licence and they’ve been driving for years. But at a time that, you know, I wasn’t controlled. So all of my friends were starting their driving lessons and they were passing their test and, you know, getting their cars. And, and I wasn’t able to do that. So I did feel quite isolated actually. And having to rely on people, having to rely on my mum, you know, for many years. It’s not nice to, to have to keep asking people to take you places. So I’d really given up hope to be honest of ever being able to drive and ever getting my epilepsy under control. But then I met my specialist and we tried a new medication and it actually stopped the seizures. And I was able to get my driving licence. And that was something that I never ever ever thought would happen.

My dad has had epilepsy since he was 9. So it’s something that I’ve always been aware of and I’ve grown up knowing about. But when I was 15 I had my first seizure, which was what’s called a generalised seizure, where I fell down and shook, you know, losing consciousness for, for a couple of minutes and then coming round and being very confused.

It was a real shock when I was diagnosed, or certainly when I had my first few seizures. Because with a lot of conditions you can tell there’s something wrong. You know, you might have pain or you might have fatigue. But certainly with my condition, it just happened. One day I was okay, and the next day I was somebody with epilepsy. And that was a real shock. You know, even though I’d grown up with somebody in my family having it, it’s very different when it happens to you.

So I was diagnosed through going to a paediatrician and having various tests. Looking back, the tests, you know, all went in a bit of rush, because I was diagnosed pretty quickly. And to be honest I don’t remember too much about the tests. I wasn’t actually given that much information about the condition at the time. Partly that didn’t bother me, because I’d grown up knowing about epilepsy. But I know now that there was a lot of information that, that I should have received, but I didn’t. You know, nobody actually told me what epilepsy was. Which, you know, when you think about what a complex condition it is, you know, no doctor actually said, ‘This is why your brain’s acting like this. Which, looking back, you know, it was really surprising. So really it was a case of being diagnosed and given medication and saying, ‘Okay, you know, come back in a few months and we’ll see what happens.