Having a grandchild on the autism spectrum
Relationship with grandchildren
The grandchildren ranged in age from 6 up to 21, and all the grandparents we talked with, described their grandchildren in glowing terms.
Rebeccah has a jolly good relationship with her grandchildren and she is hideously proud of...
Rebeccah has a jolly good relationship with her grandchildren and she is hideously proud of...
Sally has a different relationship with her grandson because he was her first grandchild.
Sally has a different relationship with her grandson because he was her first grandchild.
Well as I said before, I feel I have a different relationship with Ben because he is the oldest. He’s my first grandchild. I try and respect his, his what he wants to do. I try not to, I try not to sort of inflict myself on him, because sometimes he doesn’t want to be cuddled and fussed about, because he doesn’t like it, and he’s getting too old for it. He’s the grand age of seven and a bit. You know, he doesn’t want to be hugged and kissed by his nanny any more. But yeah, I mean I just think he’s such a beautiful child and his outlook on life is so, so different because of the autism, and sometimes I think it’s so very special the way he looks at things. He’s got a huge sense of logic and you know, he, he can see ways of doing things that perhaps other people wouldn’t, and I am besotted with him [laughs]. I’m a doting nanny [laughs]. Very doting.
Jan says her grandson is absolutely wonderful though he can be irritating at times! She saw him...
Jan says her grandson is absolutely wonderful though he can be irritating at times! She saw him...
Helen adores her grandson and loves having cuddles with him.
Helen adores her grandson and loves having cuddles with him.
So in terms of my relationship with him. I adore him. I love having cuddles with him. I like going swimming with him. And we do crazy things in the pool together. I mean he’s all kitted out with lots of floats and things, because it’s, I think it’s a bit touch and go whether he’ll ever learn to swim on his own. But he loves swimming, and loves being in the water. He loves the freedom, and he can just go off on his own. He loves jumping in. But he’ll get into a routine where he jumps in, sploshes to the end of the pool, climbs up the ladder, comes out and he’ll do that repetitively, which is a very autistic thing to do. He has quite good receptive language. So he understands quite a lot of things of command. You say to him, “Go and get your shoes.” He’ll get his shoes. All sorts of things you can ask him to do and he’ll do them, and he understands, so I mean, he’s for me, one of the great mysteries.
Jills grandson is easy to get along with and they have a fairly normal grandma-child...
Jills grandson is easy to get along with and they have a fairly normal grandma-child...
Brendas grandson tries to find ways of loving her more.
Brendas grandson tries to find ways of loving her more.
Some grandparents reflected on how their grandchildren didn’t always acknowledge them when they saw them, or how they could be quite “rejecting” at times. This was something they learnt to accept. As one grandmother said, she has learnt to respect what her grandson wants and accepts that she can’t spend equal amounts of time with her grandchildren because they have such differing interests. Another grandfather was undecided about whether his grandson is content with his own company or, in fact, “dreadfully isolated”.
Janets grandchildren are genuinely pleased to see her now which is a good response, as they...
Janets grandchildren are genuinely pleased to see her now which is a good response, as they...
When we, when we arrive if they’re busy doing something else, because they’ve got three rooms downstairs and they don’t always see us straight away. So either Mum or Dad will say, “Nana and Grandpa are here.” And they both come running usually. Usually and yes, they’re pleased to see us. And that’s a good response. We didn’t get that for a long time. But we’ve spent such a lot of time with them since we’ve been retired that we’re sort of familiar faces around the place now, and they do look forward to us going I think. They’re genuinely pleased when we go. And the little boy used to cry when we left, but he doesn’t cry now. “And they’re going back to Nana’s house now, you know, Nana and Grandpa have got to go back to their house. You’re staying at your house.” And you talk around this.
Helens grandson makes it very clear if he doesnt want her in the room.
Helens grandson makes it very clear if he doesnt want her in the room.
So I like spending time with him because he’s interesting. But he can sometimes be very rejecting. He makes it quite clear what he wants and what he doesn’t and if, he loves music, so if we put music on and he doesn’t want you in the room, he makes it quite plain that you’re to get out. And I mean I don’t take that personally, I just find it quite funny really that he can just use his hand and push you out of the way. Go! It’s quite clear.
Jan struggled at first because she felt she ought to be doing more with her grandsons, but now...
Jan struggled at first because she felt she ought to be doing more with her grandsons, but now...
Dorothys grandson will play games with her, and it grieves her a bit that her granddaughter...
Dorothys grandson will play games with her, and it grieves her a bit that her granddaughter...
Brian and Lucy describe how they are part of their grandsons Saturday routine but he only...
Brian and Lucy describe how they are part of their grandsons Saturday routine but he only...
Jan finds it hard that her grandchildren want to retreat and be on their own.
Jan finds it hard that her grandchildren want to retreat and be on their own.
I know now what to do, to retreat and sometimes they just want to be on their own. And let them, let them get on with it really. But it’s not very nice, and then it’s quite distressing and certainly one of them has big crying fits and it’s very hard to understand what’s the matter with him, and it’s difficult to intervene, whereas normally, it’s a child you would pick up and put on your lap, you can’t get anywhere with that at all. So he’s just lying on his mattress in his room, because they have very bare rooms, because otherwise they’d just destroy it all. So he just lies here and weeps really, and sort of late at night that’s quite hard I think.
Bryan reflects on how he used to try and communicate with his grandson in a way that he couldnt...
Bryan reflects on how he used to try and communicate with his grandson in a way that he couldnt...
Bryan' It’s interesting actually that that first started when he was quite a lot younger, I think in his earlier teens. We found that he would very frequently repeat back a phrase that somebody else had used, maybe as much as ten or fifteen minutes early, earlier, and not in context. And it took us a little while, it took me a little while anyway, to understand this was his attempt to relate to a conversation that had moved on, which he really wasn’t following. But he wanted to. He really did want to be involved and was finding it difficult and the only way to do it was to say well Bloggin’s said that and people laughed so if I say it, maybe they’ll laugh again and I’ll be included. And it was that sort of almost parroting something that had happened, that he was striving for inclusion and couldn’t understand when it didn’t work. And I suppose I took me a little while to realise that was what it was, and not to simply say, “Oh that’s silly.” And give an inappropriate reaction which I tended to do, which was wrong of me. And I recognise it, but there you go. One reacted as one felt at the time. He has always struggled to be included. Sometimes he makes it and sometimes he really completely doesn’t. And he struggles with it, constantly. But it’s not a wish not to engage. It’s inability somehow to engage.
Irene talks about how she involved her grandchildren in the organisation of a family party she...
Irene talks about how she involved her grandchildren in the organisation of a family party she...
