Messages to other young adults with depression
When asked what messages they would give to other young people dealing with depression, the young adults we interviewed shared a range of insights and strategies that have worked for them. We summarize those messages here. Several other sections of this website provide additional, practical insight about coping with depression.
Accept and honor yourself
Depression, as Nadina put it, can feel like having a dark ‘dragon’ inside oneself. This dragon often spawns low self-esteem, shame or self-hatred. Self-acceptance was described by some as an essential step in taming the dragon. In Shayne’s words, it’s essential to ‘search for positive aspects’ of yourself and realize that depression is ‘most definitely not your fault.’ (See also ‘Depression and healing‘.)
It’s critical, Ryan notes, to find a way to stop blaming yourself for depression.
Several people compensated for their low self-esteem by filling their schedule with many activities and setting unrealistic expectations. But as Kate put it, ‘Depression makes you tired and it makes you need to recover longer than other people. So you need to give yourself a break’ and work towards a slower, more reflective pace for life. (See more about being kinder to yourself in ‘Depression and strategies for everyday life‘ and ‘Holistic and integrative approaches to depression‘.)
For Maya, living with depression means accepting that her capacity for life activities will be somewhat limited.
Violet says it’s critical to respect that depression creates limits on how many things can happen each day, and to create firm boundaries so as not to stretch that limit.
Many people we interviewed wanted to remind others that though depression may feel like a ‘dark shroud’ at the moment, things will often change and begin to heal just with the passage of time.
Sierra Rose says not to forget the world can be at your feet once your circumstances change.
Jacob says as he grew up his brain matured and he got better at managing his depression.
Most of those we interviewed recognized at some point in their dealings with depression that they ‘can’t do this alone’ or (as one participant put it) ‘I wasn’t going to be able to help myself unless someone was behind me.’ Many people said reaching out was a crucial step in coping with depression; others said just talking about their feelings was a relief. Across the board, young adults wanted others in their situation to know they were not alone and encouraged them not to ‘suffer in silence.’ As Meghan says, ‘I would have accomplished a lot more if I would have reached out sooner in a lot of different aspects of my life.
Teddy says don’t wait too long to get help.
Violet says if you open up with other people about depression, you may find many of them have similar experiences.
With the hindsight of experience and some hard-won wisdom, many young adults urged others to refrain (if they can) from self-destructive behaviors which make cycles of depression worse in the long run.
Brendan says depression is real, but that doesn’t mean you are powerless to stop or slow negative feedback loops.
James tells his younger self to stay in school and avoid getting in trouble.
While acknowledging that depression sometimes seemed to have controlled their lives, many people we interviewed felt that retaining a sense of control over depression was important for coping and healing. They urged others experiencing depression to hold onto a mix of hope and commitment – hope that change is possible, commitment to make that change more likely. As Sam put it, ‘I would absolutely want to give the message [that] there is almost always the means with which a situation can be made better’.
Sam has learned that depression can always be made better by using one of several specific coping mechanisms.
Shayne says that in order to heal she had to stop being resigned to her sadness.
Nadina says that the first step in maintaining a hopeful attitude is learning not to give up, and remembering that bad times have come and gone in the past.
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