Messages to other young adults with depression

When asked what messages they would give to other young people dealing with depression, the young adults we interviewed shared a range of insights and strategies that have worked for them. We summarize those messages here. Several other sections of this website provide additional, practical insight about coping with depression.

Accept and honor yourself

Depression, as Nadina put it, can feel like having a dark ‘dragon’ inside oneself. This dragon often spawns low self-esteem, shame or self-hatred. Self-acceptance was described by some as an essential step in taming the dragon. In Shayne’s words, it’s essential to ‘search for positive aspects’ of yourself and realize that depression is ‘most definitely not your fault.’ (See also ‘Depression and healing‘.)

It’s critical, Ryan notes, to find a way to stop blaming yourself for depression.

Age at interview 19

Gender Male

Age at diagnosis 13

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Give yourself a break

Several people compensated for their low self-esteem by filling their schedule with many activities and setting unrealistic expectations. But as Kate put it, ‘Depression makes you tired and it makes you need to recover longer than other people. So you need to give yourself a break’ and work towards a slower, more reflective pace for life. (See more about being kinder to yourself in ‘Depression and strategies for everyday life‘ and ‘Holistic and integrative approaches to depression‘.)

For Maya, living with depression means accepting that her capacity for life activities will be somewhat limited.

Age at interview 27

Gender Female

Age at diagnosis 15

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Violet says it’s critical to respect that depression creates limits on how many things can happen each day, and to create firm boundaries so as not to stretch that limit.

Age at interview 23

Gender Female

Age at diagnosis 22

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Remember that things change over time

Many people we interviewed wanted to remind others that though depression may feel like a ‘dark shroud’ at the moment, things will often change and begin to heal just with the passage of time.

Sierra Rose says not to forget the world can be at your feet once your circumstances change.

Age at interview 18

Gender Female

Age at diagnosis 11

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Jacob says as he grew up his brain matured and he got better at managing his depression.

Age at interview 25

Gender Male

Age at diagnosis 18

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Ask for help

Most of those we interviewed recognized at some point in their dealings with depression that they ‘can’t do this alone’ or (as one participant put it) ‘I wasn’t going to be able to help myself unless someone was behind me.’ Many people said reaching out was a crucial step in coping with depression; others said just talking about their feelings was a relief. Across the board, young adults wanted others in their situation to know they were not alone and encouraged them not to ‘suffer in silence.’ As Meghan says, ‘I would have accomplished a lot more if I would have reached out sooner in a lot of different aspects of my life.

Teddy says don’t wait too long to get help.

Age at interview 18

Gender Male

Age at diagnosis 16

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Violet says if you open up with other people about depression, you may find many of them have similar experiences.

Age at interview 23

Gender Female

Age at diagnosis 22

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Avoid self-destructive behaviors

With the hindsight of experience and some hard-won wisdom, many young adults urged others to refrain (if they can) from self-destructive behaviors which make cycles of depression worse in the long run.

Brendan says depression is real, but that doesn’t mean you are powerless to stop or slow negative feedback loops.

Age at interview 21

Gender Male

Age at diagnosis 15

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James tells his younger self to stay in school and avoid getting in trouble.

Age at interview 22

Gender Male

Age at diagnosis 21

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Control what you can control

While acknowledging that depression sometimes seemed to have controlled their lives, many people we interviewed felt that retaining a sense of control over depression was important for coping and healing. They urged others experiencing depression to hold onto a mix of hope and commitment – hope that change is possible, commitment to make that change more likely. As Sam put it, ‘I would absolutely want to give the message [that] there is almost always the means with which a situation can be made better’.

Sam has learned that depression can always be made better by using one of several specific coping mechanisms.

Age at interview 23

Gender Male

Age at diagnosis 19

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Others emphasized making a commitment to coping with or healing depression. Elizabeth, for example, said ‘You have to put effort in to make it work, it’s not going to just happen by a magical potion which I have hoped for many times because it was too hard to work at and it was too painful to work at. But if you put in time and effort and energy and you really really address and confront who you are and what depression is all about, it’s easier to get through that way.’ Marty wanted to convey this single, powerful message: ‘don’t let depression control you.'

Shayne says that in order to heal she had to stop being resigned to her sadness.

Age at interview 27

Gender Female

Age at diagnosis 13

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Nadina says that the first step in maintaining a hopeful attitude is learning not to give up, and remembering that bad times have come and gone in the past.

Age at interview 23

Gender Female

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See also ‘Depression and healing‘, ‘Depression and strategies for everyday life‘, ‘The positive sides of depression‘, and ‘Having a purpose in life‘.
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