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Interview 32

Age at interview: 43
Age at diagnosis: 39
Brief Outline: Feels her GP is excellent, but decided against medication. She has gained confidence over the years, and has benefited from NHS counselling, but is having trouble accessing further counselling.
Background: Is single and works in a security firm. She was bullied at school. The grief over her mothers death in 2002 as well as an ongoing dispute over her will has been very difficult. (Played by an actor.)

More about me...

 

Had an eating disorder as well as depressive symptoms such as sleep problems and tearfulness. ...

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Yeah, I was bulimic, yeah, definitely. I still am now a bit.... see when I gets... when I gets down in the dumps I start doing silly things again. But yeah, I chatted to my mate.... my psychologist as I calls it, and I said, "I've got problems with my stomach" and she won't tag on what was happening. 

And also, as well, my, I was, because I wanted to overtime but, and because I was depressed and not realised it, I was having problems sleeping. And they knew that I was.... like the core money-grabber. They could phone me up at 12 o'clock, 1 o'clock in the morning and ask me to go in, and I thought, yeah, I could have a cup of tea and I'd go straight into work because I couldn't sleep properly. 

And in the mornings, when I come to work, excuse the way I speak, but I'd go to work and I'd be yawning and when I'd be getting my ID I'd be yawning, "God, bloody hell, [name], you ought to go to sleep when you go to bed." And I'd go in the toilet and start crying and also my eating habits as well, but it weren't everything, it's just chocolate. In all the years I, since about 11 or 12 I won't eat chocolate and all of a sudden I was chucking it down my neck so my mate said to me, "You ought to go to the doctor" so that's what I done. And she was brilliant.

 

Felt she was ignorant about depression and medication and was scared about taking medication,...

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Because I was quite ignorant and na've as well, because I... I was scared. My mate says to me, "You're depressed." And I said, "I'm not." She said, "You are" so, as I say, I went to the doctor and I, I expected some miracle cure and, but... so she put me on some tablets and I don't know what they were, but she said to me, "See a counsellor as well." And because I was scared going on the tablets, I took the tablets for a little while... but she never explained to me that, she said, "They're not addictive anyway", but I was still scared.

I can't remember them off-hand, but they're not addictive and they weren't that strong, but they did make me feel more confident. I could walk up the street with a smile on my face. Yeah, they did help.

 
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Pleads for more talking therapies to be provided to help people sort out their problems.

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And I don't think there's enough help. You get your bad days, and you need to talk to somebody and it's.... you need to talk to somebody instead of talking to the wall. And so that's how it is basically. I don't think there's enough help out there and enough understanding of it because... I don't know if it is just depression, or you need help... and you have the bad day, maybe I suppose if you was in a relationship, and you could talk to somebody, then when you go home it might help, I don't know. 

But sometimes you do need to talk to somebody who you don't know, who understands, instead of chatting to the brick wall. And instead of it going round in your head and trying to sort it out. Or you need somebody to talk to you and push the right buttons to help sort yourself out, basically, yeah.
 
 
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Found she couldn't cope with a situation at work, broke down in tears and went home sick.

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And one of the ladies who knows me, she's had depression before and so she knows what it's like anyway. Excuse the way I speak but I had a fit recently at work, I had a couple of fits basically, and the one where she... the, the one that she helped me.... well she helped me on both. Basically, one, one day they put me out on this run. And when I found out the run I was doing I said, "I don't want to do it," I says, "its too heavy." And they, they said, "All right, [participant's name], we'll change you around and come back, come and work in the morning and we'll have changed you around." And when I got to work the following day they hadn't, and I was shaking and I said, "I can't handle this," I said. "I can't do that run." And the girl I was meant to be working with, she, she was there as well. And I was in the toilets crying and I said, "I can't do this." So I went, I went home sick.
 
 

Says that there is little information about depression in her doctor's surgery, but she can...

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Well, I'll tell you what. Down the doctor's surgery there ain't no numbers on the board. There's not general... you just, you don't want to go and. I don't like time wasting and.... and I don't want people to think I'm nuts. I don't, it's silly little things like reading the Bella magazines and things that like that you find out more things. There's a couple more things now in.... in your women's magazines that's a bit more helpful, but there ain't nothing down the doctor's surgery and there ain't nothing, I don't know if there's anything down the library. 

You know, they ought to be putting notices around just so that... because the thing is how shall I put it? You want, you want some... you want notices like that in everyday places, like sort of around because the thing is, even with, changing the subject just slightly, just like somebody who's been abused by her husband. If she's only walking round she can't get to the doctor's if she's taking the kids out or something like that.
 
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