Interview 28

I’ve had fairly good results. I’ve got some, it was July and about, how many months post-operative, and I’ve still got some like swelling around it and at some point I think when the Covid is over, I’m probably going to try and get in contact with them again, I might need to get referred again just to see if they can do a revision on my scarring, because I think there’s just like, it’s kind of like protruding around the scars which isn’t great. Cos you get sort of like this V shaped scar around your vagina. But the actual vagina is good.

I have had sex, although it was a bit difficult penetratively, I think I was, I needed to probably dilate first, I was, it was still like probably six months post-operative and is maybe not as stretchy as I want it to be. And this last year it’s gotten really stretchy, also yeah you want good lube, you want a good like you want quite a thin like very liquidy lube that is going to just like stay liquidy as long as possible to just, you know, cos you don’t, you’re not lubricating and you don’t, you want to be as easy to get in and out as possible. And yeah, like as many angles and I’ve only had sex a couple of times, three or four times. So, I think it’s just, I was eventually getting there, but it’s been a bit difficult to begin with. Okay it’s only twice, so. And we didn’t, we didn’t attempt penetrative the second time so, yeah. Yeah, I mean it’s a whole thing.

A very vivid formative experiences, formative experience that I remember to this day was like some, having a sexual experience with a guy and him like kind of feeling my breast, and then feeling like a woman when he did that. And it wasn’t euphoric, it was more like, it was more kind of like, “Oh God, what, what were you doing?” It was like, it kind of was, it was kind of shocking actually because it made me feel insecure and it made me feel things and it was like, now I look back on it was like, “Oh, okay,” but it made me realise that there was an insecurity there, that.

And I kind of liked it. I kind of liked being you know, you know stroked and patted like, like fawned over and just you know being very submissive to somebody. Which I’m not, it’s not, you know female sexuality isn’t that, but there is, there was kind of like something in there that made me feel insecure about who I was and, yeah I don’t’ know, I don’t know how you say that. I don’t’ know. I think as I’ve got deeper into my transition the sex part, and as I’ve got sexual again, I think about it more, cos it’s like I’m actually doing it, and I love teasing men, I love being the big tease. I love like, I love, I love being kind of dominant now, as well. It’s like, I mean I’m going to tell you what to do.