- Age at interview:
- See 'Brief outline'.
Oh, my depression got quite bad. I don’t know my doctor did debate to put me in hospital because of my depression just to keep me safe really. That was another reason that I couldn’t really stay at school because I just couldn’t hold myself together in lessons and things, so. Yeah, he decided that it was probably best that I wasn’t there. Hmm. And there’s been a couple of times there the teacher that got me a referral has called my mum and asked her to come and pick me up and things. And, like, to keep me with her all day and things like that. So…
What was happening?
I’ve done things like to harm myself then, quite a few times. I think I tried to keep it to myself apart from that as well and that made it worse because then I did things that I probably wouldn’t have done if someone had known how I was feeling. And when I did tell people it made it harder in a way.
How did it make it harder?
I think just because I had been pretending to be OK and kind of trying not to worry them by saying everything was fine and then having to turn round and tell them that I had kind of always been lying to them and things weren’t fine and, yeah.
Were they a bit shocked?
Yeah, very shocked. I think there’s only a few people that I have actually told who, I think… I don’t think most people believed it when I told them, I don’t know, I think my mum still has difficulty believing that I ever felt as bad as I did.
Why do you think people have those doubts?
I don’t know, I think because I tried as hard as I possibly could to be sort of the happy person that they wanted me to be, who’s obviously like those sort of, I think they sort of thought, “Well, how could she have wanted to do what she did?” kind of thing, so yeah.
Originally it was, I just cut like a few times. The worst it got was overdosing. Not to the point where anything, I never like was hospitalised or anything, just, I mean nobody even found out that I had overdosed until a couple of weeks afterwards. So yeah. I had been pretending to be OK.
- Age at interview:
- See 'brief outline'.
Like sometimes you feel really depressed, you don’t want to go outside, you don’t want to see anybody, and then like, other times like you feel a bit more confident in yourself. I feel that food has a lot to do with that as well. Because like when you eat you feel, I think when you’re depressed you eat, and when like, when you are beginning to feel like less depressed the food could be like a comfort.
So its comfort?
Comfort eating isn’t it? Okay. Were there other things going on in your life at that time, or you are feeling now?
You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to, its just…
Yes, yes, like family problems.
Okay, okay, so that was contributing to you….
Eating. Okay. Has that eased up a little bit?
Yes, a lot. Like no I’m trying to eat less, trying to be like talk about my problems, rather than trying to bury them in food. I try to like something different, rather than try and eat food to like hope it will go. I think food is like very dangerous coping mechanism.
I don’t eat as much food but when I’m at home with nothing to do I’ll just eat and eat and eat and no exercise. That’s what used to happen.
It used to happen, yes? Because now you seem to be quite busy?
How often are you doing things with your youth programme?
Well right now we’re kind of busy because we’ve got the summer coming up. So I’ve being doing it two times a week and for the whole summer it will be like everyday. Yes, so right now I’m kind of busy but not as busy as I could be. But I’ll trying to exercise more so…