- Age at interview:
- Matthew is a Chartered Surveyor. He is married and has 4 children. Ethnic background/nationality: White British
And did you get support for your own sort of feelings of grief from the other members of the Bali Victims Group or not?
You’ve not met them have you?
No. I think that’s one of the reasons why, it sounds pompous, that’s one of the reasons why I didn’t really want to go down the line of counselling and support because I saw what happened to certain people when they had it. And, you know that, that is very much a personal view but people’s reaction to these things; reactions differ depending on what kind of people they are. Everybody deals with these things in a different way and I decided for me that I would deal with it myself and I don’t have any, I don’t have any regrets, but I’m sure that there were people who did need support. I have a large family, you know, it could be that knowing that you have a large family and there being the suggestion, or the latent suggestion that there’s support there if it’s needed, is sufficient to give you the strength that you need.
The family supported each other?
Exactly, which of course is the spirit of the family I suppose. I know that there are other people who didn’t have that kind of support network, didn’t have that kind of family, maybe were on their own, maybe were very angry anyway, maybe were that kind of person, who didn’t have that kind of support and would have benefited from it.
- Age at interview:
- Nina is a novelist. She is a widow and has 5 children. Ethnic background/nationality' White British.
Where did you find most help after the crash? Did you go to the..? You were in hospital so you had all the hospital treatment for your broken bones, but did you get any help for your feelings of trauma and stress and bereavement?
My family and friends.
I did go and see a, now what they call Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, but I found it useless.
Well, no, no, no; friends and family and, I’ve a wonderful son and daughter, the others live out of the country, my daughter’s been a particularly, been, been here in the house almost every day.
Oh that’s wonderful.
And my son is a doctor in Suffolk who has come when he can, when he could and did a great deal for a long time.
What happened during a session of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy?
Well they just say these silly things that you know already.
They tell you silly…?
Silly things that you know already. Or get you to talk about silly things.
So that didn’t help at all?
No. There’s only one thing that would’ve helped, if they’d brought him back.
So it actually didn’t help?
It made it more painful?
No it didn’t make it more painful; it just seemed a waste of time. The time of a good psychiatrist.
- Age at interview:
- Godfrey is a GP/academic. He is married and has 2 children (1 died). Ethnic background/nationality: White British
What about the wider family, have you got…?
Yes, I’ve got five siblings, siblings, two sisters and three brothers, and it was the first time anything like that had happened in the wider family. And again it was a great inability to accept that this had happened, and Adrian was seen by them all as a really high flyer who you know was successful at everything he did. And then suddenly he’s snuffed out and very difficult for anyone to believe that that could happen so easily.
Did you get support from your local GP, did you need help with your sleep?
Yes, yes, and I think it’s very interesting how your colleagues react, I mean I had been a GP myself, in [the local town] for 30 odd years when this had happened, so I knew a lot of people, and I suppose when you say your local GP, of course I’m in the position of a lot of GP’s really, didn’t, didn’t really have a local GP, and I did have, have one but I had, hadn’t been seeing him so I didn’t really know him on the level of being the recipient of medical care.
But my, my practice partners were enormously helpful, gave me time off, and of course all my colleagues in the University department which I worked in, and I mean, one of the men who now is dead because he died prematurely, very suddenly, and who was enormously supportive, I remember he came, came several days after Adrian’s death to see how we were, and keep an eye on us, and so on, that was really, really, really great.
Did you get any help from others at that time? Did you have any counselling, was that suggested?
I think, and of course we had lots of friends and I think we relied on them heavily and lots of friends flocked round, and supported us. Outside my medical colleagues, I think it was our friends really who we relied on to help and support us, and many of them did that. But I don’t think there were any sort of formal agencies so to speak that we felt we needed to call on.